Total Drama: Island Renewed
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: After bailing out of jail, Chris brings all thirty-eight contestants from all four previous seasons plus Chef to compete in another season after Camp Wawanawkwa has been restored to its former glory. What chaos and drama ensues now that even Chef and Blaineley are forced to compete?
1. Day 1: Return to Trouble in Paradise

**I decided to write another competition based **_**Total Drama**_** story. Thirty-nine contestants will be participating and the prize will be C$2,000,000. The contest will also be set on Camp Wawanawkwa after it has been transformed from a toxic waste dump to what it used to be before.**

_**Total Drama Ghost Hunt**_** never happened in this. Also, for this story, let's just say Alejandro won **_**Total Drama World Tour**_**, since he won in Canada, and whoever wins in Canada is the official winner of the season. So here we go.**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 1: Return to Trouble in Paradise

* * *

"Last time on _Total Drama: Revenge of the Island_!" said Chris. "Cameron beat Lightning in a Brain VS Brawn showdown and won a million dollars, while Lightning won a white hairstyle after getting struck by lightning! Sucks to be you, Lightning! Sucks to be you! However, he didn't suffer as much as I did! I got arrested for the way I treated the island and for hosting a competition on a radioactive waste dump! Goddamn hippies! But I got bailed and I bought a third of the island, which I have restored to its original self! The other two thirds are reserved by the government and I am to stay well away from these areas! However, the third which I am allowed to host a show in is the deadliest part, heh-heh! Anyway, thirty-nine contestants from all seasons, including a former colleague who I used to trust will be battling for a cool two million dollars! Who will win?! Who will be the first eliminated?! Who will be this season's main antagonist?! Find out here, on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!

* * *

"Okay, so it is time to meet all of the contestants!" said Chris, as a boat showed up. "Returning are contestants who we haven't used in years: Katie, Sadie and Eva!" Katie and Sadie happily step off the boat squealing. Eva steps off grunting.

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, I can't believe we're on TV again!" squealed Katie.

"I know, right?!" squealed Sadie. "We will be more famous!"

"EEEEEEEEEE!" squealed Katie and Sadie in unison.

"Eva, how does it feel to finally have a chance to compete after three seasons of not competing?" Chris asked the body builder.

"I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!" snarled Eva, walking to the end of the dock, followed by a squealing Katie and Sadie.

"Harsh!" Chris shrugged. "Now for the lovey-dovey couples!" Geoff and Bridgette, Gwen and Duncan, Sam and Dakota, Lindsay and Tyler and Mike and Zoey stepped off the boat and walked to the end of the dock, each couple holding hands as they did so.

"The crazy bitches are here!" said Chris.

"HEY!" snapped Anne Marie. "I'm not a bitch! Zoey stole my man! I WANT MY VITO!"

"He's not real," Mike corrected her. "He was one of my personalities who were messing up my life."

"Shut up!" snapped Anne Marie. "I never want to speak to you again!"

"Get over it, _Jersey Shore_ reject!" snapped Heather. "Who watches that show anyway?" She turned to Chris and scowled. "If it weren't for your stupid rules, _I_ would've won _Total Drama World Tour_!" she whined.

"Well, Ezekiel threw the money in the volcano, so you should be lucky you're second place," Chris pointed out. Before Heather could back-answer him, Anne Marie pounced on Heather and attacked her for dissing her favourite TV programme.

"All this fighting over a pathetic excuse for a TV show?" sneered Jo, stepping off the boat. "What idiots!"

"Well said, Jo," said Chris.

"Hey, why was I put in the bitch category?!" demanded LeShawna.

"You're a bitch to the antagonists," said Chris, "which is reasonable. And the last bitch from the bitch category is Courtney!"

"Oh hell naw!" groaned Duncan and Gwen in unison.

Courtney stepped out, glaring at Gwen and Duncan. "Well, if it isn't Boyfriend Stealer and the Lying, Deceiving Criminal?!"

"Maybe if you treated me better I probably would have been more faithful!" said Duncan, bearing his fists.

Courtney immediately took out a machete with bloodshot eyes. "I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU!" she roared.

Chris snapped the machete out of her hand and said: "Courtney, get over it! So you lost your boyfriend to a girl who treats him better?! Just move on like a f***ing normal person would do!"

"I'm normal!" Courtney replied, defiantly. "I WAS A CIT!"

"Nobody cares, Courtney!" Heather interjected. Courtney joined the catfight between Heather and Anne Marie.

"Next up are the bastards from the bastard category!" said Chris. "Alejandro, Justin, Scott and Lightning!"

"Lightning ain't no bastard!" Lightning corrected him. "Sha-LIGHTNING!"

"Dude, you were a jerk to Cameron!" said Sam.

"In the finale, while we were in trouble, you attacked Cameron while he was trying to save us!" said Zoey.

"All you ever care about is yourself!" said Dakota.

"Plus, you thought I was a guy!" snarled Jo.

"That was until you did that terrible thing to Lightning!" whined Lightning.

"What did she do?" asked Bridgette.

**(Flashback)**

"No!" wailed Lightning. "NOOO! PLEASE LET ME GO, JO!" Lightning is lying on the ground in an alleyway. Jo is sitting on him.

"No, I'm going to prove to you that I _am_ in fact a girl!" said Jo, smirking evilly. She removes her sweater, t-shirt and bra. Lightning sees how big her rack is. Jo immediately grabs Lightning by the head and stuffs his face in her cleavage. Jo cackles as she holds a squirming Lightning in this most awkward position.

**(End of flashback)**

"Sorry I asked," said Bridgette.

"I'll never forgive you for this, Jo!" snarled Lightning. "Sha-LIGHTNING!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Scott, as he exited the boat in a wheelchair. He may have healed considerably, but he will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He cocked his head towards Chris and screamed: "YOU GOT ME PARALYSIED FOR THREE MONTHS AND NOW I'M N A WHEELCHAIR FOR EVER THANKS TO YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"

"Sucks to be you," said Chris.

"At least he didn't have his money thrown into a volcano by a certain prairie bastard, and at least he wasn't in a robot suit for a year!" snarled Alejandro, who was finally back to his original handsome appearance after intensive plastic surgery.

"At least I'm still prettier than you!" Justin boasted. "I'm sexy and I know it!"

"Of course you are, you sexy beast!" chirped Owen, as he stepped off the next boat.

"Welcome the insane contestants," groaned Chris, beckoning to Owen. "Owen, you do realise that you have just professed your bisexual desires for an asexual on international TV."

Owen screamed and fainted. He landed on top of Justin.

"HELP!" Justin spluttered.

"Ooh, fun!" said Izzy, jumping from the boat and landing on Owen, adding extra pressure to Justin's body as the redhead bounces up and down on Owen's stomach.

Ezekiel, who is now back to normal, was the next to exit the boat. "I have this in the bag, eh!" he boasted. "I'm in it too win it, eh!"

Eva simply shoved the home-school kid into the lake. "In your dreams, home-school!" she spat.

"Chris, just because I can read people's auras doesn't mean I'm crazy," said Dawn. "And I can tell by your aura that you are going to be as bad this season as you were last season."

"Nobody likes a tattle-tale, Dawn," said Chris.

"My great-great-great-grandfather invented tattle-tales!" Staci bragged as she followed Dawn to the end of the dock. "Before that, everyone got away with their crimes! How sad!"

"Chris, how could you think I'm insane?!" demanded Trent. "So I have a number nine obsession?! That doesn't mean I'm insane!"

"Well to me, it is perfect criteria for insanity," said Chris.

"Whatever," shrugged Trent, "I'm just going to go sing the number nine song."

"Please don't!" begged Chris.

"How dare you, Chris?!" snarled Brick. "I do not have a fetish for the military! I'm just a dedicated soldier, that's all!"

Chris stared at him.

"Fine!" Brick admitted. "Maybe I do shift my _Call of Duty_ games, have wet dreams over Flippy from _Happy Tree Friends_ and say how great conscription is! But I'm still not insane!" Everyone looked at Brick in sheer horror.

"Says the guy who shifts his _Call of Duty_ games," jeered Jo.

DJ was the next to step off the boat.

"Chris, that was uncalled for!" Geoff lectured. "DJ is_ not_ insane!"

"That's fine," sighed DJ, "I believed in a stupid curse. If I hadn't believed in it, I wouldn't have hurt those animals."

"See Geoff, he admits it," said Chris.

"It's still not right, Chris," Bridgette interjected.

"He's still not over what he did to the animals two seasons ago!" Gwen added.

"Sheesh, everyone's laying the hate on me!" said Chris.

"Well duh!" said Tyler. "You are low!"

"Yeah, Kyle!" said Lindsay. "And to think I thought you were nice!" She paused. "Are you?" Lindsay asked. Everyone else on the dock face palmed.

"Whatever!" said Chris. "Next up are the nerds!"

"Hey, I'm not a nerd!" Harold protested as he stepped of the next boat. "I am a ninja!"

"A very nerdy ninja," Noah mused, shoving Harold out of the way. "Chris, why didn't you put Sierra in the madhouse boat?"

"What's the problem?" asked Chris. "Not that I care though."

"She's been filling fifteen A4 pages with ways to kill you!" snapped Noah. "Ever since you kicked her out of the competition just because she accidentally destroyed your plane, she's been bent on cutting your life short!"

"WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS HE?!" exclaimed Sierra as she exited the boat with a shotgun in her hand. She spotted Chris with her bloodshot eyes and snarled. "THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE BASTARD! I WOULD'VE PERISHED IN ALBERTA IF IT WEREN'T FOR CODY AND IT TOOK TWO YEARS FOR MY HAIR TO GROW TO ITS FULL LENGTH!"

When Cody walked out of the boat, Chris grabbed him by the collar, held the geek in front of him and shrieked: "You have to get through him if you want to get to me!"

Sierra growled as she tossed the gun into the lake.

"Chris, what the hell?!" exclaimed Cody. "You think you can just put other people's lives at risk like this."

"Yes," Chris replied.

"I wonder how you got out of prison," sneered Noah.

"He was bailed," said Cameron, exiting the boat.

"He must come from a very rich family, then," Gwen mused.

"Well what matters is Sierra is trying to kill me," said Chris, glaring at Sierra.

"Hey, you deserve it," Beth pointed out. "You were a jerk, especially to her, and she tolerated you the most out of all of us."

"She was creepy!" Chris protested.

"Not as creepy as you," said Cody.

B was the last to exit the boat.

"B, help me out here," begged Chris. B just shrugged.

"Scared you, didn't I?" snarled Sierra. "Well Chris, I'm going to make you sorry you forced me to be here!" She walked to the end of the dock.

"You had it coming, Chris," Cameron informed him.

"Never mind!" sighed Chris. "And here are the final two contestants! The ones that pissed me off the most! Welcome Chef and Mildred!"

"LET GO OF ME!" screamed Blaineley, as two interns dragged her out of the boat. "I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS! WHY DO I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE!"

"Contracts," Chris answered, holding up a stack of white paper with words on them.

"CHRIS!" Chef bellowed, as twenty interns dragged him out of the boat. He's still wearing the baker's hat and apron as he did in the previous seasons, despite the fact that he's no longer making the meals. "YOU JACKASS! I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS!"

"Actually, according to my divorce lawyers, I can!" said Chris. "Unless you can afford to pay alimony!"

Chef gritted his teeth in anger. "I WISH I NEVER MARRIED YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he roared.

"Let that be a lesson to you, Chef!" mused Noah. "He's like eighty years older than you!"

"Oh, shut up!" groaned Chris, as he walked over to the campfire pit, followed by the contestants. "Anyway, it's time to put you guys into your teams. There will be three teams of thirteen. The teams are Team Blue, Team Green and Team Read!"

"Those are the names you could come up with?" Scott questioned.

"Hey, I'm on a budget here!" snarled Chris. "Team Blue will have Alejandro, Anne Marie, Bridgette, Chef, Courtney, Duncan, Ezekiel, Gwen, Izzy, Lindsay, Mike, Noah and Zoey. Team Green will have Brick, Beth Cameron, Cody, Dawn, DJ, Harold, Jo, Katie, Sadie, Sam, Sierra and Trent. Team Red will have B, Blaineley, Dakota, Eva, Geoff, Heather, Justin, LeShawna, Lightning, Owen, Scott, Staci and Tyler. You may now proceed to your cabins and feel free to use the confessional cam."

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

"I call bottom bunk!" said Duncan, grabbing the bottom bunk of the bed furthest from the door so he could carve out obscenities with limited chances of Chris or the interns finding out.

"Mind if I have the bunk above yours?" asked Mike.

"Knock yourself out," said Duncan.

"Can I have a boonk oonder yoors, eh?" Ezekiel asked Alejandro. The Latino turned his head to the prairie boy, fuming. He gritted his teeth as he remembered how Ezekiel was responsible for losing his money in the volcano. On top of that, Alejandro barely got to see the money, and Ezekiel was partly responsible for the volcano eruption that caused the former so much physical and above all mental pain. Nevertheless, the Latino forced a smile and politely replied:

"Of course you can!"

"Does it matter what beds we get?" demanded Chef.

"As much as it pains me to insult you," Noah replied, "I have to admit that it does in fact matter to everyone in this cabin that they don't have to share a bunk with you."

"WHAT?!" screamed Chef.

"You were married to Chris," said Noah. "And you probably have sexually transmitted diseases now that you've shifted him at least once. Furthermore, you were a douchebag while you were co-hosting the last four seasons. You deliberately cooked terrible meals. You deliberately cross-dressed just to give us all permanent scars and above all, you were a sadistic egomaniac."

"You want to take that back, boy?!" demanded Chef, bearing his fists.

"Hey, I'm just stating the obvious," Noah replied, walking over to the remaining bunk bed. "I call top bunk, by the way," he added.

Chef Hatchet sighed.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Chef – **"Now I regret the way I acted in the previous seasons," sighed Chef. "I did that to impress Chris, but if I had known we'd be getting divorced, I wouldn't have bothered." He sighed. "Yes, he divorced me for messing up his statue and setting the bomb under the dock, but he wasn't a good husband either! In fact, I was the better spouse but he got more out of the divorce! People like Chris sure want to take over the world. I should never have met that shithead. I must make it up to the other campers, but _how_?"

**Noah –** "As always, I am given what is left," groaned Noah. "A bunk with Chef Hatchet. **The** Chef Hatchet. The Chef Hatchet we all know and love. What have I ever done to deserve this besides the fact that I was condescending and rude?"

**Alejandro –** "That redneck stole my money and threw it in the volcano!" snarled Alejandro. "I'm going to make him suffer! I'll play buddy with him, but when the time is right I'm gonna break his neck! Besides, it's better bunking with the stealer than with Noah, who is rude, and Chef, who is… well, Chef."

**Ezekiel –** "What a nice person Alejandro is, eh!" said Ezekiel.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BUNK WITH BOYFRIEND STEALER!" screamed Courtney.

All was not well at the girls' cabin either. There were seven girls but six beds, and Courtney was forced to share a bed with someone.

"Courtney, why can't you just accept the fact that Duncan loves Gwen and not you?" demanded Bridgette, who was bunking under Gwen. "In fact, Gwen loves Duncan a lot whereas you did not love him that much at the end of _Total Drama Action_, and the only reason you continued dating him was because of the money he won at the end of the season."

"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Courtney. "I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!" She turned to Zoey and forced a smile. "So do you want to share a bed with me?" she asked, pretending to be nice.

"I saw what you did," said Zoey. "In fact, I do not approve of your actions throughout most of the series."

"I'm not sharing a bed with you either, Corey," said Lindsay, who's bed is over Zoey's. "I'm not a lesbian."

"WELL FINE!" screamed Courtney. "YOU'RE BOTH BITCHES ANYWAY!"

"Right you are!" said Anne Marie. She pointed at Zoey and said: "That bitch stole my man! You want to share a bed with me since we both hate her so much?"

"HELL NO!" snapped Courtney. "I can hardly breathe thanks to your stupid perfume! And who in their right mind would even consider watching _Jersey Shore_?!"

"Oh, you just had to say it, didn't ya!" huffed Anne Marie, ganging up on Courtney.

"Don't worry, Courtney, you can sleep with me and we'll have sex every night!" Izzy interjected.

Courtney realised that what she said to Anne Marie was wrong, especially now that it means her having to share a bed with Izzy. She turned to face Anne Marie and forced a smile. "Um Anne Marie, you know I didn't mean what I said," Courtney lied. "I was only having my… um period."

"Oh, you'll be bleeding even more when I'm through with you!" barked Anne Marie, pouncing on Courtney.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Courtney –** "Great, now the only person on my team who can tolerate me is Izzy," Courtney griped, who was now covered in bruises and scratch marks. "Of all people, only Izzy will share a bed with me! What have I ever done to deserve this? And don't say it is because I am a whiny and obnoxious ass hat because that is so not true!"

**Anne Marie –** "Looks like there is another person on my team besides Zoey, Ezekiel and Vito who I would like to kill!" growled Anne Marie. "That c***-in-training will regret the day she ever met me!"

**Bridgette –** This is only our first day back on this island, yet Courtney has already made an enemy with everyone else in our cabin except Izzy," said Bridgette. "Looks like she's the first to go. And to think I thought we were friends!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

"Trent my man, you want to share a bunk?" asked Cody.

"Sure," said Trent. "Can I have bottom so I'll be close to my guitar."

"Certainly," said Cody.

"Can I share a bed with someone, because I get scared of the dark?" asked Brick. Everyone except DJ looked at him in sheer horror.

"I'll share a bed with you," said DJ. "But why should you be afraid of the dark? There's nothing to be scared of in this room, especially when there are seven of us here, including you and me."

"I'm just afraid of the bogey man, okay," said Brick. Even DJ was beginning to worry about the cadet.

"That's just… weird," said Sam, as he chose the bunk above Cameron's.

"There's no such thing as a bogey man, Brick," Cameron assured the cadet. "In fact, how did you manage last season, when there was only you, me and Mike in the cabin and we all slept in our own beds?"

"I had my teddy with me," said Brick. "I left him at home."

"There's nothing to worry about," DJ assured Brick.

Jo suddenly walked in, kicked Brick in the balls and walked out laughing.

Trent locked the door when Jo left. "Problem solved," he said.

Jo unlocked the door, re-entered the cabin and said: "Nice try, Justin Bieber! I am a master at picking locks."

"Hey, what happened to privacy, GOSH?!" moaned Harold.

"Oh look, another prawn to pick on!" jeered Jo, walking up to the nerd, squeezing his cheek and leaving the cabin, sniggering.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cameron –** "Before Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, I was so used to sleeping in a bubble every night, but now I've grown up ever since. I even go down town on my own, take swimming lessons and last week my uncle took me sky-diving. My mom was still slow to getting used to it, but at least she's not overprotective of me anymore and her mind's been at ease ever since my dad died of cystic fibrosis. But Brick is still terrified of the dark and believes in the bogey man, no matter how hard his mom and dad try to help him overcome his fear. Not to mention, Harold is also childish. I don't mean to be condescending, but Harold often reacts to a difficult situation the same way a child would." All of a sudden, Harold bursts into the confessional cubicle and sits on Cameron's lap. "WAAH, I GOT A BOOBOO!" whimpered Harold, holding up his right pinkie. DJ enters the confessional cam, picks Harold up and walks away. "Sorry about that," said DJ, before closing the door behind him. "That was disturbing," said Cameron. "At least DJ is caring, although he appeared somewhat similar to Harold and Brick in the second and third seasons."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

"Oh my gosh, Katie, we got to share a bunk like we did in the first season!" squeaked Sadie.

"Okay, how about we take turns on who gets the top bunk every night?!" squeaked Katie. "We'll draw straws after the challenge and whoever gets the longer straw gets top bunk tonight!"

"EEEEEEEE!" Katie and Sadie squealed in unison.

"Want to share a bunk?" asked Beth.

"Sure," smiled Dawn. "I like your aura."

"Looks like you and me are sharing a bunk," Jo told Sierra, after returning from torturing the boys.

"Okay," said Sierra. "But when is it the best time to kill Chris?"

"Actually, I wouldn't bother," said Jo.

"But he wronged me," Sierra pointed out. "He's wronged everyone. How should I get revenged against him?"

"I have a better idea," Jo assured her.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Jo –** "I'd like to see Chris dead as well," said Jo. "I mean, who wouldn't? But in my opinion, Chris doesn't deserve to die. No, he deserves to be alive while he suffers immensely!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

"Six beds and seven of us," groaned Scott. "Now what?!"

"I CALL TOP BUNK!" Owen chirped, climbing to the top bunk.

"OWEN, NO!" Geoff protested, but it was too late. Owen climbed to the top and the bed collapsed under his weight.

"That is going to be your bed!" hissed Scott.

"I don't know about you guys, but Tyler and I will be sharing a bunk," said Geoff, getting bottom bunk.

"All right, place at the table!" exclaimed Tyler, jumping onto the bed over Geoff's. However, instead of landing on that bed, the talentless jock crashed through the window. "Ooh, I'm okay," Tyler spluttered from outside.

"Sha-Lightning's getting the other top bunk!" Lightning chirped, grabbing it before anyone else could stop him.

B shrugged and got the bunk underneath Lightning.

"I guess Tyler doesn't want top bunk, then," said Justin, walking over to it.

"Sorry, but wouldn't you fall off by accident and damage your beautiful face?" smirked Scott. Justin sighed. "Sucker," smirked Scott, rolling over towards the bunk. Then he remembered he was handicapped, so he therefore cannot access the bed. Scott imitated the grunt from Handy from _Happy Tree Friends_.

Tyler returned and said: "Sorry, boys, I'm straight! I'm sleeping on my own tonight!" He climbed to his bunk bed.

"But where should _I_ sleep?!" demanded Justin. He looked over at Owen, who was lying on two mattresses. Justin sighed and lay down next to Owen. The model relaxed, but five seconds later, Owen fell asleep and rolled over him, crushing Justin.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "Guess I'll be sleeping in my wheelchair tonight," he sighed.

**Justin –** The Hawaiian is gazing into a mirror in sheer horror. "MY FACE!" wailed Justin. "OWEN RUINED MY FACE!" He calmed down but his eyes became bloodshot. "Owen will be the first person to go if we lose!" Justin hissed. "It's bad enough he wants to have sex with me even though it's obvious that I'm asexual and Owen knows it, but now he keeps squishing the beauty out of me!"

**Owen –** "I'm in Heaven!" beamed Owen. "I get to sleep with the sexiest asexual man in the planet every night! I hope he doesn't mind me being on top while we make out!" He immediately realised what he just said. "Ah crap, why did I just say that?!" he groaned, hitting himself over the head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

"Girl, you want to have the bunk over me?" LeShawna asked Dakota. "You're the only one in this cabin who has not been doing my head in."

"I second that," said Dakota, climbing onto the bunk over LeShawna's.

"Top bunk or bottom bunk, Eva?" asked Heather. "You get to choose!"

"Bottom; I need to be closer to my weights," Eva grumbled. Heather sighed in relief.

"Wait, but that means-" Blaineley protested, only to discover that she is sharing a bunk with Staci.

"Did you know that my second-cousin's great-great-great-grandmother's brother's great-great-great-uncle invented the bunk bed?!" Staci fibbed. "Before that, people slept on top of each other in confined spaces, often resulting in a faster spread of AIDS and increased unplanned pregnancies! How sad!"

"OH, SHUT THE F*** UP!" Blaineley howled at Staci with great ferocity.

Staci stopped gabbing and she looked hurt. But ten seconds later she said: "Did you know that my grandmother's sister's husband's cousin's great-great-grandfather invented AIDS?!"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" wailed Blaineley.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Blaineley –** "Our team is definitely going to lose because I just can't abide Staci on the island anymore!" screamed Blaineley. "I'm throwing the challenge tonight!"

**Heather –** "Apparently, Eva was my only option," said Heather. "She's a million times better than Staci and Mildred put together, yet I cannot stand her!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

"ALL CAMPERS TO THE BONFIRE PIT! THAT'S ALL CAMPERS TO THE BONFIRE PIT!" Chris echoed.

* * *

"Campers, our first challenge will be relatively easy," said Chris.

"_Relatively_ easy?" demanded Noah. "That doesn't guarantee anything.."

"Yeah, you got me," Chris admitted. "You will be trying to dodge or manoeuvre around obstacles while running around the perimeter of third of the island which is not off limits. First, you will encounter a five metre tall fence which you must climb over. Second, you must get on the canoes and paddle around the restricted area. Be careful though, because there are sharks, alligators and anacondas around the area. Finally, it's a long run back to the finish line through the forest, where there are tigers, gorillas and-"

"There are no anacondas, alligators, tigers or gorillas in Ontario, let alone Canada!" Harold corrected him. "Curse your lack of knowledge of our national or local fauna! GOSH!"

"I got those animals shipped in from zoos nationwide that could no longer deal with them," Chris informed Harold. "Besides, nobody cares. There are also bears and crazy people which we bought free of charge from every single psychiatric hospital in Canada that has closed down since the filming of the last season. First team to have all of its members across the finish line wins a reward. Last person to the finish line loses for their team, and their team will be sending someone home. Questions?"

"Does this mean future challenges will be even _more_ difficult?" Noah asked, raising his hand.

"What do you think the answer to this question is?!" Chris demanded.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," groaned Noah.

"Looks like you should," said Chris. "Okay, on your marks…get set…GO!"

The contestants sped off, except for Scott, who is paraplegic, and Owen, who was having difficulty even walking.

"Aw, this is so hard!" Owen winged.

"Well too bad," said Chris. "If either of you come last your team will hate you."

Owen sighed as he walked faster, leaving Scott behind. Scott scowled.

"OWEN, GET BACK HERE!" he shouted. "AREN'T YOU GOING TO PUSH ME?!"

**(Video Diaries)**

**Owen –** "Oh my god I think I'm going to be last!" Owen said, panicking.

**Scott –** "I guess coming in last won't be so bad," said Scott. "Everyone wants to get rid of Staci anyway since she won't shut up, so what am I worried about?"

**LeShawna –** "I'm hoping our team loses so we can vote out Staci, but Scott and Owen better try harder in the next challenges," said LeShawna. "I ain't gonna be on the team that loses every episode."

**Blaineley –** "With Scott being handicapped and Owen being obese, looks like I won't have to throw any challenges," smirked Blaineley. "No matter how much they try, Team Red is going to the bonfire pit where we can say bye-bye to Staci. Thank God she won't be keeping me awake all night tonight."

**Staci –** "Did you know that my great-great-great-" Staci said 'great' again two-hundred-and-forty-three times before the camera switched itself automatically out of boredom.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Brick was running, thinking he had this in the bag, when all of a sudden, he found himself lying in the muck and being walked on.

"Aw, you're such a gentleman!" jeered a certain voice Brick was too familiar with.

"JO, HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT A SOLDIER?!" bellowed Brick.

"Well I already did it," sneered Jo, "and I'll do it again! Later!" Jo walked off.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Brick –** "If we lose I'm voting out Jo," said Brick. "Not only is she not a true soldier, she is also a bully. She needs to learn some manners."

**Jo –** "What a wuss," smirked Jo. "Brick calls himself the 'perfect criteria for an officer' but he still sleeps with a stuffed animal."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, everyone except Owen and Scott have managed to get over the fence. Scott has managed to catch up to Owen and he said:

"Don't bother, you're too fat to get over the fence!"

Owen ignored him and managed to jump a metre into the air before falling and landing on a wheelchair.

"OW!" groaned Owen. "It hurts and- HEY, this is comfy!"

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah – **"The only reason this challenge is 'relatively easy' is because Scott is in a wheelchair and there's a fence that is five metres tall!" groaned Noah. "Why do you think Chris is being so predictable? Someone on the Red team is the person Chris wants to get rid of."

**Chris –** "Yeah, I don't really care who goes home," said Chris. "I've had the interns install a door flap somewhere on the fence for Owen and Scott. I decided to leave them to figure out where it is on their own. But it's not that predictable; surely everyone hates Scott more than they hate Staci."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Team Green was the first team to have all of its members across the finish line. However, it was Izzy - a member of Team Blue - who made the challenge easier for her fellow contestants. At the fence, her dynamite removed a metre from the fence. At the waters, the anacondas, alligators and sharks were so terrified of Izzy they knocked Brick out of his canoe, climbed aboard and sailed off all the way to an airport that has a plane that will take them to Brazil. Along the trek, the escaped psycho patients, tigers, gorillas and bears co-operated and they escaped by stealing a helicopter. The contestants - except Brick - had no difficult getting to the finish line. Team Blue would have won the award had it not been for Courtney, who was trying to throw challenges in an attempt to get rid of Gwen. Chef came and dragged Courtney to the finish line, but Brick already made it before Chef and Courtney. By half five, everyone except Scott and Owen have made it past the finish line.

"Team Green and Team Blue, you guys are safe from elimination and Team Green wins an award!" Chris announced. "Team Green, you guys are spending two nights on a cruise!" Team Green cheered. Team Blue was evidently disappointed to have not won that cruise, however they are happy that no-one on their team is going home tonight.

"Team Red, sucks to be you, right?" asked Chris. "Where are Owen and Scott?"

On cue, Owen rolled by in a wheelchair.

"Whoa, dude, what happened to you?!" asked Geoff.

"I think I'm handicapped!" gasped Owen. He suddenly got up off the wheelchair. "Hey, I can walk again!" he beamed, smiling.

"Or maybe you're just an idiot!" Heather retorted. "Look at Scott!" she mused, pointing at a flattened Scott on his wheelchair.

* * *

"Campers, elimination ceremonies will be the same as the first season," said Chris. "You have all cast your votes and made your decisions. The camper that does not receive a marshmallow must immediately get their stuff, walk to the Dock of Shame, get on the Hurl of Shame and be flung over to Playa de Losers."

"My great-great-great-" Staci began.

"Staci, shut the hell up!" snapped Chris, cutting her off. "The first ten marshmallows go to Geoff, Tyler, Dakota, B, LeShawna, Eva, Heather, Justin, Lightning and Blaineley. The next one goes to Owen. Scott, Staci, this is the last marshmallow of the evening. Staci, you don't know when to shut up, while Scott, you're in a wheelchair. The last marshmallow goes to… SCOTT!"

Scott caught the marshmallow with glee; giving Staci and evil smile.

"Staci, you've been eliminated," said Chris. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

"I'm going to be honest just this once," Staci stated. "YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF F***ING EEJITS!" Staci broke out into fits of hysterical laughter like a maniac as she ran to the Hurl of Shame, climbed onto it, pulled the lever and was flown to Playa de Losers, still cackling like a maniac.

"That was disturbing," said Chris. "VERY disturbing. Anyway, enjoy your marshmallows. You all are safe… for tonight!"

"You said that on the first day of the first season," Eva interjected.

"In that case, let's hope you're not the second to be eliminated," Chris retorted, leaving Team Red to their marshmallows.

"Don't worry," LeShawna assured the body builder, "if we lose again, it's Scott that's going home."

"Oh, it's because I'm paraplegic, huh?!" demanded Scott.

"No, because of what you did last season and you don't appear to show any remorse," said LeShawna.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "Oh, we'll see about that!" said Scott, laughing evilly. All of a sudden, Owen rushed into the confessional cubicle, dropped his pants, sat on Scott's lap and whipped out a newspaper.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

After Team Green boarded the cruise, Team Blue and Team Red – minus Scott and Owen – entered the mess hall for dinner.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" exclaimed a European-looking woman with long black hair tied up in a bun. "I AM MS SCRATCHER! I WILL BE YOUR COOK FOR THE SEASON! NOW GET UP, GRAB A PLATE, GET YOUR FOOD AND SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! AND YOU WILL EAT YOUR FOOD! NOBODY IS LEAVING UNTIL EVERYONE'S PLATE IS EMPTY!"

The intimidated contestants went up to get their food: brown slop, like how Chef used to make. In the end, it was half eight in the evening by the time the campers were allowed to leave the mess hall.

"Tell me truth Chef," said Gwen, "did you really cook that brown slop over the last four seasons or was it manufactured?"

"No offense, but what we had tonight tastes exactly what you used to make," Dakota added.

"Believe it or not, it came down to the ingredients I was allowed to use to feed you guys," Chef admitted. "I still did the best I could. However, brown slop depends entirely on the ingredients and not how you mix them."

"No surprises there," said Mike.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Chef –** "Yep, this place still pretty much stinks, especially since I'm a contestant instead of a cook," he sighed. "But I might as well try and win and pay off that goddamn alimony. In fact, I'll use the money to appeal the divorce case so I won't have to pay any alimony. And while I'm at it, I'll apologise to the other contestants and try to earn their forgiveness. I don't really expect them to forgive me." He sighed.

**Blaineley –** "Tonight won't be as bad as I thought," Blaineley proudly stated, "now that Staci's gone!" All of a sudden, Izzy breaks down the door. "There you are, Mildred!" Izzy chirped. "It's time for a threesome with me, you and Courtney!" Izzy dragged Blaineley out of the confessional cubicle.

**Scott –** "Because of Owen, I was an hour late for dinner because I had to change my pants for reasons I refuse to answer!" Scott grunted. "So Ms Scratcher, our kind replacement to the big bald guy, ate the face off of me! LeShawna, you're safe for tomorrow night because-" Owen barged in again, dropped his pants again, sat on Scott's lap again and whipped out another newspaper. "Golly, I think I ate too much of that delicious brown slop!" groaned Owen.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

That night, the girls on Team Red were getting ready for bed when they noticed something.

"Where's that whiny white girl in the red dress?" asked LeShawna.

"Mildred?" asked Eva. "Don't know, don't care."

LeShawna shrugged. "Izzy must've taken her," she said. "Never mind."

* * *

**So what did you guys think? Sorry if the ending to Chapter One was predictable, but Staci does not necessarily advance the plot so she had to go first. Next chapters won't be so predictable so prepare yourselves for that.**

**Ms Scratcher is my OC. She is Irish, always cranky and she's normally a secondary school teacher. Since it's summer, she's in Canada, working for Chris. She's also a transsexual, probably because when she was a man her name was Willy. And now for the questions:**

**Will Team Green be refreshed after their cruise? We'll see.**

**Will Chef get used to being a contestant, and above all, earn the forgiveness of the contestants for the way he treated them, especially Zoey and DJ?**

**Will Owen stop mistaking Scott for a toilet? I don't think so.**

**Find out next time on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!**


	2. Day 2: The Olympic Pains

**Love the reviews I'm getting so far. In fact, I will respond to them. We'll see how things turn out between Courtney and Bridgette. Owen defecating on Scott is hilarious, but I'll try not to overdo it. I'm confident this story will become more popular over time. Time will tell when Courtney and Alejandro are eliminated as with the other contestants. I'm glad people are enjoying this story already.**

**In case you are wondering, everyone on Team Red voted for Staci except for Staci, who voted for Scott. I'm pretty sure you guys already know that though. From now on I will state who voted for who at the end of each chapter and the list of contestants that are already eliminated. Just a warning: this chapter has more crazy stuff in it so make sure you are not the faint of heart before you read this chapter. So here is another chapter of **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**.**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 2: The Olympic Pains

* * *

"Previously on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "Thirty-nine contestants, including Chef Hatchet and Blaineley, were brought back for more chaos, drama and above all, ratings! Well I'm not sure if I should've brought Sierra back since she's trying to kill me." Chris ducked in time to avoid getting hit by a tree chucked at him, courtesy of Sierra. Where she got the tree and how she managed to throw it from a ship which was a few miles away is unknown. "Well, it brings the ratings, so I'll let it pass," said Chris, standing up. "The contestants were assigned into three teams of thirteen: Team Blue, Team Green and Team Red. The contestants were made to run and canoe around the island. Even though Team Blue member Izzy made the whole course easier but funny, it was Team Green that won the cruise because Courtney was throwing challenges again. Oh Courtney! When will you ever learn?! In the end, it was Team Red that had to lose a member, due to Scott's handicap and Owen's stupidity. That member who was eliminated happened to be Staci, for the exact same reason she was the first to be eliminated last season: she simply won't shut up! Was that just a minor setback for Team Red? Or will Scott's wheelchair and Owen's… personality cause Team Red to be the inferior team? Find out here, on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!"

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

Dakota, Eva, Heather and LeShawna were sound asleep when they were awoken by a door slamming.

"WHO GOES THERE?!" bellowed Eva, grabbing a dumbbell and getting ready to throw it.

"It's only me you dirty h**s!" grumbled Blaineley, stumbling into the cabin. She narrowly avoided the dumbbell that was fired at her.

"And where you last night?" demanded LeShawna.

"None of your business!" snarled Blaineley, climbing into her bed.

"I think I can smell Izzy coming off of you," said Dakota.

"SHUT UP!" snarled Blaineley.

"It's okay, Blaineley," Heather jeered Blaineley. "You don't have to worry about getting sexually transmitted diseases off of Izzy because you already have them from all those years of being a prostitute."

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

Geoff was awoken by Owen rolling off his mattress and Scott snickering to himself.

"Hey man, what's so funny?" asked Geoff.

"Look at Justin!" Scott chuckled.

Scott pointed to the mattress Owen rolled off of, where a flattened Justin with a couple of dark spots all over his pyjamas lay. Justin pealed himself off the mattress and stood up, glaring at Owen.

"He's going next!" hissed Justin. He proceeded to leave the cabin, but he tripped and fell to the floor the same way a feather would fall off a tree in the wind.

"Right behind ya!" growled Scott.

"What's the problem, bro?" asked Geoff.

"The fatass crapped on me twice!" Scott shuddered as he remembered those two terrible incidents that occurred the previous night.

"All of you except for Lightning should be eliminated!" Lightning barked. "Sha-Lightning's on a team of losers!"

"Is that so?!" snarled Scott, rolling towards Lightning. He was about to climb over the ladder to beat Lightning up, but he stopped when he remembered that he's in a wheelchair. Scott did the grunt Handy from _Happy Tree Friends_ does.

"If anything, I am the strongest player!" Tyler interjected. "Watch, I'll show you-" Tyler jumped up, only to bang his head off the ceiling.

"See what I mean?!" exclaimed Lighting. "Sha-BAM!" He jumped off the bed only to land on Scott's lap in a straddling position. Scott smiled deviously.

"Well, well?" snickered Scott, bearing his fists. "Not so safe now, are you?"

All of a sudden, there was a loud crush coming from the girls' cabin. Heather and Blaineley were having a catfight. It was dissolved when Dakota intervened. The boys knew this, because Dakota unleashed her Dakotazoid roar.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather – **"I have just realised that I was _too_ nice in _Total Drama Action_ and _Total Drama World Tour_," Heather articulates. "So this season, I'm back to being me again. From now on: no more Ms Nice Girl. Thankfully, everyone hates all of my targets who are on my team, especially Blaineley and Scott. Of course, Scott will be an asset if I ally with him. Especially since I can betray him whenever I want and have the whole team vote against him. Plus, Scott is a weak, pathetic piece of white trash."

**Blaineley – **"Next time our team loses I'm gunning for Heather!" growls Blaineley. "But I need an ally. It seems that Scott is my only option since he is less vile than Owen and nobody else on the team would ally with me. However, Scott is still a worthless piece of shit who let's Owen use him as a toilet and is practically Lightning's bitch.

**Scott –** "Once Owen is gone, Lightning will be my next target!" hisses Scott. "I've already made it clear back in the cabin after Dakotazoid was done making the walls shake!"

**Lightning –** The jock is covered in bruises. "Scott thinks he can beat the Lightning up?!" exclaims Lightning. "Well, Lightning never loses! Sha-BAM! Sha-BOOM! Sha-LIGHTNING!"

**Dakota –** "Mildred makes me mad!" growls Dakota, before letting out another roar.

**Justin – **"Last night was horrible!" Justin splutters. "I felt like I was buried under fifteen feet of snow! If that wasn't bad enough, I had nightmares involving Owen humping me and they felt so real! No wonder Izzy broke up with him!"

**Owen –** "Last night was the best night of my life!" beams Owen. "I had Justin to snuggle up to and I had lovely dreams where I was shagging him and they felt so real!" He realises what he's just said. "Aw, gosh darn it, why do I keep saying that!" groaned Owen, hitting himself in the head.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

Mike jumped off his bump stretching. "Oh it feels good that my multiple personalities are no longer ruining my life," he smiled.

"Didn't you get rid of them last season, which was last year maybe?" asked Noah.

"True but the memories aren't long gone," said Mike. "Like everyone else, I occasionally have nightmares, but all of them involve my personalities going crazy."

"Lucky you," Noah sarcastically insinuated. "My nightmares involve having a monster lying under my bed that is willing to spring out at any second and get me. Oh wait, it's happening to me right now."

"Is that so, turkey?!" snarled Chef, getting out from under Noah's bed and standing up, so that he was facing Noah.

"Er Chef! Did you sleep well last night?" Noah quickly asked in order to change the subject.

"Answer my question, turkey!" Chef ordered. Noah swallowed hard and said:

"I wasn't referring to you!" Noah lied. "I was referring to um… Alejandro! I completely forgot he wasn't the one sleeping under me until you stood up!"

Alejandro's eyelids snapped open to reveal bloodshot eyes. He glared over at Noah.

"Is that so, amigo?!" snarled Alejandro.

"I think the turkey was referring to _me_!" Chef grunted. "You're too good-looking to be considered a monster!" Alejandro stared at Chef in sheer horror, but Chef ignored him. The former cook turned to scowl at Noah.

"Hey, give the turkey a break!" Duncan interjected. "I wouldn't blame him for what he said! You were a p**** for the past seasons! If you are offended, then that's karma for you!"

Chef growled at Duncan. "Says the delinquent who scares the crap out of everyone!" he scoffed. "Hell, you're always causing trouble!"

"You're far scarier than I am!" Duncan scoffed back. "If you want to go far in the game, I recommend you grow some balls, admit you were a douchebag and resolve to stop being one!"

"Why can't we all just get along, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"Because I lost my money thanks to you, you thieving little bastard!" Alejandro quietly hissed.

"What did you say, Al?" asked Ezekiel. "I think you said something about Chef being a bastard, but I wasn't listening carefully, eh."

"Yeah, that's what I said," Alejandro lied. When the Latino noticed Chef's growl he quickly asked: "Chef, we're your parents ever married?"

Chef stopped growling. "No, they had negative views about marriage and believed it was only for 'weak' couples. They still live together."

"See, that means you're a bastard," said Alejandro.

"Oh," said Chef.

"As well as the fact that you're a douchebag," jeered Duncan. Chef snarled at him and left the room.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Chef –** "Duncan and Noah are the bastards here!" Chef huffs. "They just enjoy giving me a hard time! Well _I'll_ give them a hard time!" Chef cackles madly.

**Noah –** "That was too close a call," says Noah. "I am lucky that Chef didn't tear me limb from limb like I feared he would. Knowing that man, Chris probably divorced him because he was worried Chef would kill him in his sleep. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I owe Duncan one. It's not like him to stand up for people unless it's for his own benefit."

**Duncan –** "That was the most satisfying thing I've ever done," says Duncan.

**Alejandro –** "That was too close a call," sighs Alejandro. "If the pig-stealing pig finds out about my profound hatred for him, I would not be able to exercise my plan to crush him."

**Ezekiel –** "Alejandro and I are good friends here, eh," says Ezekiel. "Plus, I've made it past the first episode, eh! That is something I never thought I would do, eh! Now the Zeke is unstoppable, eh!"

**Mike –** "I have a bad feeling tensions are forming in our cabin," says Mike.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

"Hey, where did Mildred go?" Izzy wondered. "I thought the handcuffs I used to tie her to the bed were secure." The other six girls looked at Izzy in absolute terror.

"Please Izzy," Zoey begged, "don't do that again! That is just sick!"

"Aw c'mon, Mildred loves it when Izzy shifts her," said Izzy.

"No wonder Mildred is a f****** bitch then!" Courtney scoffed; crawling out from under the bunk bed Izzy and Anne Marie sleep in. Courtney stood up and glared at Gwen and Bridgette. "You are so going home, Boyfriend-Stealer!"

"Oh you never cease to make my life a living hell!" groaned Gwen. "I still can't get over how you forced me to go to court fifteen times over the past year just because I 'stole your boyfriend'!"

"You only won the case each time because you seduced to judges you slut!" snarled Courtney.

"Or maybe it's because you have transformed into a domineering ass hat!" Bridgette interjected.

"Oh shut up you surfer bimbo!" Courtney snapped. "I'll never forgive you for siding with Gothy!"

"If only I cared," Bridgette sneered.

"You know, Courtney, you were a lot better in the first season," Zoey stated. "Any chance of going back to that anytime soon?"

"NEVER!" Courtney roared, before grabbing a stool, smashing it against the window, jumping out through the window and cackling madly as she disappears into the woods.

"Okay, where has she headed off to?" Gwen asked.

"Who cares?" demanded Anne Marie, spraying herself with fake tan. "Let's just enjoy the bitch's absence. What's the worst that can happen?"

All of a sudden, there was the sound of an intern screaming from the bottom of his lungs, followed by the sound of a gunshot.

"Okay, she has got to go," said Anne Marie.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Anne Marie –** "That was the most disturbing thing I've experienced in my life!" gasps Anne Marie. "Even more disturbing than the time I forgot to comb my hair on the last day of elementary school."

**Bridgette –** "It is really disturbing that I used to be friends with her before she went insane!" gasps Bridgette. Her eyes are wide as dinner plates. "In _Total Drama Island_ she was calm, considerate and surprisingly nice! Now she's just killed an intern!"

**Izzy –** "Courtney becomes more and more like me by the day!" beams Izzy. "Too bad she can't beat the **original** Izzy, because **only **the original Izzy can kill three interns a day and eat them whole!" Izzy whips out a dead intern and bites its head off. "Want a bite?" Izzy asks the camera, holding up the now headless corpse to the lens.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"So contestants, how was last night?" asked Chris while he, Team Blue and Team Red were at the bonfire.

"It was horrible!" Courtney complained. "Lindsay kept thinking she was blind even though there was light coming in through the window since the curtains were open because Zoey refused to close the curtains; Anne Maria was talking in her sleep about how great _Jersey Shore_ is even though it is obviously pathetic; Bridgette was being Bridgette, Gwen was being Gwen, and Izzy kept humping Blaineley in the bed above me!"

"You think you had it rough?!" Noah exclaimed. "Mike kept mumbling in his sleep about his personalities, Duncan was masturbating, Ezekiel continued to be asleep while he was swinging off the tops of the bunks like he was Spider-Zeke or something, Alejandro's relentless glare was making it hard for me to sleep and Chef was sleeping right below me!"

"Lightning kept yelling 'sha-bam', 'sha-boom', or 'sha-Lightning' in his sleep every ten minutes; Geoff was making love to his pillow thinking it was Bridgette; Tyler was making love to his pillow thinking it was Lindsay; Owen was riding Justin all night even though neither were aware of it and B was just being a useless pile of s***!" Scott spat.

"But worst of all, Heather was being an Asian, Eva was being a Pollock, LeShawna was being black, Dakota was being a human-dinosaur hybrid and they still are!" whined Blaineley.

"Glad you all had a good night sleep!" Chris replied. "No onto our second challenge of the season-"

"Hang on a minute!" Eva interjected. "Before I pound Mildred for her racist comments where is Team Green? Shouldn't they be competing as well?"

"Oh yeah," said Chris. The host smiled, unveiled a remote from his pocket and pushed the red button. Instantly, an explosion occurred and all members of Team Green were fired from the ship to the bonfire ceremony.

"What… is… your… PROBLEM?!" everyone on Team Green screamed in unison.

"It's time for another challenge," Chris happily replied.

"But you said the cruise was two nights!" Beth protested.

"Yeah… about that… I sort of, you know… lied," Chris informed her without any hint of guilt in his voice.

"See? SEE?!" Sierra exclaimed. "This is why we should all join forces and kill Chris McLean!"

"Well it was for the best," Harold admitted. "You were constantly making life-sized mannequins of Chris out of clay and then tearing them in half; Trent sang nine different songs about the number nine and he sang each of them nine times; Beth, Katie and Sadie never stopped squealing; Sam was too busy playing with his Nintendo3DS on his own to play Nintendo3DS with me; Cody, DJ and Cameron were too busy watching _The Big Bang Theory_ to watch _Star Wars_ repeats with me; Jo kept picking on Brick and Dawn ruined the whole cruise by predicting that it would end prematurely! GOSH!"

"Well it's not my problem," said Chris. "Any-who, today you will be doing five challenges based off of the London 2012 Olympics. Whenever a team wins a round, they will win a gold medal. The team with the most gold medals wins a special prize while the team with the least sends someone home. The first round is weightlifting. However, you will not be lifting weights. Instead, each team will chose one of their members to carry another member on the former's shoulders. After five minutes another team member will climb onto the second team member's shoulders and so forth. Last team standing wins a medal for their team. When I blow this whistle, the round begins."

Chris grabbed a whistle and blew into it, signalling for the first round to begin. Chef lifted Duncan and positioned the delinquent onto his shoulders. Dakota climbed onto Owen's shoulders. Jo forced Brick onto her shoulders. Five minutes later, Alejandro was on Duncan's shoulders, Eva was on Dakota's shoulders and DJ was on Brick's shoulders. Another five minutes passed, with Mike on Alejandro's shoulders, Sam on DJ's shoulders and LeShawna on Eva's shoulders.

"My God you kids are tough!" Chris exclaimed. "So we'll add **two** contestants onto each stack now."

By that point, Izzy was on Mike's shoulders and Noah was on Izzy's. Trent was on Sam's shoulders while Sierra was on Trent's. Lightning was on LeShawna's shoulders while Geoff was on Lightning's. Still, neither Chef nor Jo nor Owen looked like they were about to crack.

"Are you guys taking steroids or something?!" Chris shreiked.

"It's a cartoon," Jo assured the host. "We have this in the bag."

"No, it is a fan fiction document conceived by an Irish Caucasian-skinned human male in his late adolescence who is laughing to himself as he types this scene!" Harold corrected her. "Curse your inability to be completely aware of the situations that are occurring around us as we communicate amongst ourselves and time passes us by! GOSH!"

"Nobody cares, dude," Jo bluntly pointed out.

"You dare insult the wise samurai of knowledge with your apathy and lack of appreciation for his intelligence and mad skills?!" Harold snapped. "The samurai shall award you with the kick of condemnation to the posterior of profound perfunctory as part of your punishment! HIYA!" Harold gave Jo a kick in the butt, causing her to lose balance and fall to the ground with everyone on her shoulders falling on top of 'the wise samurai of knowledge'.

"Harold you idiot!" Sierra scolded 'the wise samurai of knowledge'. "You just cost us the first medal!"

"Jo insulted the wise samurai of knowledge!" Harold protested. "She had to be punished!"

"Never mind," Chris interjected. "You guys will have a reason to vote out 'the wise samurai of knowledge' should you lose. But now, how about another addition to the remaining two stacks?" With that, Bridgette was on Noah's shoulders and Tyler was on Geoff's.

"This is fun!" beamed Owen. All of sudden, he sat down on top of Scott's lap.

"Ooh Owen, you've just lost the medal!" Chris chuckled. "Sitting down with everyone on your shoulders is an indication of weakness."

"But I was TIRED!" Owen protested.

"See what I mean?" Chris pointed out. He cocked his head to Team Blue. "Congratulations Team Blue! You have won the first gold medal!"

"FINALLY!" Chef spluttered, letting go of Duncan's legs and leaning forward to knock Duncan, Alejandro, Mike, Izzy, Noah and Bridgette off his shoulders.

"Thanks for breaking our necks!" Noah sneered.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Jo –** "Harold is more like the stupid samurai of stupidity!" Jo spits. "He just cost us the first gold medal! And I lost to two guys thanks to him! And one of those guys is only doing the carrying because of his size while the other is Chef Hatchet!"

**Chef –** "Ungrateful little brats!" he snarls. "I carry our team to victory and not one of them thanked me except for Noah, who was being very sarcastic as he thanked me!" All of a sudden, Izzy bursts into the confessional cubicle, straddles Chef's lap, wraps her arms around the cook's neck and says: "Don't worry Cheffie! Izzy will thank you with a full on French kiss!" "No, I'm gay!" Chef barks, trying to force the ginger off of him. "Gay as in very excited to experiment with the opposite sex?" Izzy chirps, misinterpreting Chef shoving her away as pulling her close and assuming 'no' means 'yes'. Before Chef can stop her, Izzy kisses Chef on the lips. When she notices the bloodshot eyes she pulls herself away, gets up, giggles at the cook and runs out of the confessional with Chef in hot pursuit.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

"The second round is hurdling," said Chris. "Each team will nominate one of their members to run the course containing five hurdles. But instead of _actual_ hurdles there will be five other contestants from each team."

Team Green nominated DJ to run and Harold, Dawn, Cody, Trent and Sam to be the hurdles. Team Red nominated Lightning to run and Justin, Scott, Eva, Dakota and Owen to be the hurdles. Team Blue nominated Alejandro to do the running and Noah, Gwen, Duncan, Chef and Izzy to be the hurdles. Chris blew the whistle and they were off. Lightning ran along the track, knocking down Justin, Scott, Eva, Dakota and Owen in the process. He was the first to the finish line.

"Hell yeah!" beamed Lightning. "Lightning won! Sha-BAM!"

"I'm sorry to ruin your fun, Lightning, but I forgot to mention something," Chris interjected. "You see, you were supposed to _jump_ over the hurdles, not _run_ over them. Therefore, you lost." Lightning looked at Chris confused. Chris sighed relentlessly.

"Eva will explain it to you," said Chris. On cue, Eva lunged for Lightning and tackled the jock to the ground. She proceeded to assault him with her punches.

"Ouch," Chris chuckled. "Anyway, DJ wins the second round!"

Alejandro got up from the ground with Izzy clutching his leg. "Senorita, please let go of my leg," Alejandro begged.

"Nah, this is going to be E-Scope's dinner!" Izzy chirped.

"LET GO OF HIS LEG YOU PSYCHO HOSE BEAST!" Courtney bellowed. "YOU JUST COST US THE CHALLENGE!"

"Moving on," said Chris, "the third round will be horse-riding. Each team will choose a member to be a horse and another member to ride the horse."

"If Justin's going to be the horse I'm riding him!" Owen said quickly and eagerly. Everyone looked at him in sheer horror.

"OWEN!" Chris snapped. "It's a _children's_ television programme, not a f****** pornographic medium!" He turned to the rest of the contestants and said: "I'll rephrase the previous sentence. One member of each team will be the horse and another member will be the jockey. You got that Owen?!"

"Can I still be the jockey?" Owen asked feebly.

Chris groaned. "Fine, you can be the jockey for Team Red and Justin will be your horse! But no more of that creepy Justin-fan-boy innuendo PLEASE!"

"NOOOOOO!" wailed Justin. "I can't be Owen's horse! My perfect posture will be in jeopardy and my body has experienced enough trauma thanks to that stupid, good-for-nothing jock!"

"Yeah Tyler!" jeered Lightning, too stupid to get that Justin was referring to him.

"Well tough!" snarled Chris. "Team Green and Team Blue, have you guys selected your horses and jockeys yet?"

"Yep," said Jo. "Harold has agreed to be the jockey and Brick has agreed to be the horse."

"No I did-" Harold protested.

"That's good," said Chris.

"Can I be the horse, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"As a CIT I elect myself as jockey," said Courtney.

"Just make sure you don't throw anymore challenges," Noah mused.

"I'LL THROW YOU OFF A GODDAMN CLIFF IN A MINUTE IF YOU EVER PISS ME OFF AGAIN!" Courtney bellowed.

"Please Courtney, don't scare the horse," Noah snickered.

Before Courtney could say anything, Chris ordered the jockeys to mount their horses. As soon as Owen got on Justin's back, Justin collapsed.

"NOOOOO JUSTIN!" wailed Owen. He clutched Justin's head and pressed his face against his belly. This makes it harder for Justin to speak coherently. "SPEAK TO ME DARLING!" he sobbed. "SPEAK TO ME, PLEASE!"

"Scott, you're the horse whether you like it or not!" Chris ordered. "I don't care if you're paraplegic; just let the fatty sit on your lap or something!" Scott snarled as Owen got off of Justin and got on Scott's lap. Chris blew the whistle and they were off. Because the track was slightly slanted, Owen and Scott were the first to the finish line. However, Scott and Owen kept rolling until they crashed into a tree. The top half of Scott was consequently flat as a pancake while his legs remained in the same state as before.

"And the gay couple wins the first gold medal for Team Red!" Chris announced.

"I prefer Justin," Owen replied, as he got off of Scott.

"And I don't date ugly people who masturbate to _uglier_ people!" hissed Scott, trying to plump himself up from the impact.

"Well you both like guys and Owen is always coming on to you," Chris told Scott. "The fourth challenge is a cliff dive. Each team will nominate a member to dive from the cliff and swim all the way back to the Dock of Shame." Chris blew the whistle and Bridgette, Sierra and LeShawna dived from the cliff and swam all the way to the Dock of Shame. Bridgette came first followed by Sierra and then LeShawna.

"And Bridgette wins another gold medal for Team Blue!" barked Chris. "The final challenge is a boxing match." The contestants followed Chris to a clearing by the woods where three boxing rings were. "Each team will send one male and one female to perform the last round." Team Blue nominated Duncan and Izzy. Team Red nominated Eva and Tyler. Team Green nominated Cody and Beth.

"First part of the last round will be Beth against Tyler, Cody against Izzy and Duncan against Eva," said Chris.

"NOOOOOOOO!" wailed Cody.

"Aw, too scared to embarrass yourself in front of your boyfriend?" Izzy asked. "Don't worry. Noah's the one on top. He'll understand."

"Izzy, I'm not in a relationship with Cody!" Noah scolded.

Chris blew the whistle and the match began. Tyler lunged at Beth, letting out his battle cry. Beth simply stepped to the side while Tyler sailed passed her, still yelling his battle cry until he whammed into a tree just outside the ring. Izzy dropped a piranha down the front of Cody's pants, causing the techno-geek to lose his composure. Duncan was tossed out of the ring by Eva within five seconds.

"Damn the guys are weak!" Chris said. "But will Cody hold up!"

"SHE STUFFED A PIRANHA DOWN MY PANTS!" screamed Cody.

"Don't worry Cody," Izzy chirped. "E-Scope's got another piranha!" Cody immediately forced his hand down his pants, tore the piranha from his boxers before it got to his assets and flung it at Izzy. Izzy caught the piranha in her teeth, chewed it and swallowed it.

"Hmm, tastes like chicken," said Izzy. Everyone looked at her in sheer horror.

Cody decided to forfeit and scurried over to the edge of the ring to escape. Izzy caught him by the legs and dragged him back in.

"You don't want to embarrass yourself in front of Noah, don't you?!" Izzy chirped.

"HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" Noah and Cody screamed in unison.

Chris blew his whistle. "I forgot to mention something again," he said.

"Why am I not surprised?" Noah sneered.

"Do you want to play on behalf of your boyfriend, Noah?" Chris demanded.

"Cody and I are JUST FRIENDS!" Noah barked.

"Then shut up!" Chris ordered. "The players of the last remaining dual move on to the next round."

"That information could've been more useful two minutes ago!" Cody spluttered.

"Well it's not my problem," said Chris. "For this round it's Beth against Izzy and Cody against Eva!"

"I forfeit," said Beth, shuddering.

"Me too," said Cody, shuddering.

"Well it is Team Red's Eva against Team Blue's Izzy for the final part of the final round," said Chris. "Whichever team wins this round wins the prize." Chris blew the whistle. Izzy readied her attack but Eva seized the redhead and tossed her out of the ring. Izzy landed on Courtney, knocking the councillor-in-training unconscious.

"Team Green is sending someone home," said Chris. "Team Red, you guys win a gold medal!"

"What good is that?!" demanded Blaineley.

"How should I know?!" demanded Chris. "Team Green, I'll be seeing you guys at the bonfire ceremony tonight."

**(Video Diaries)**

**Lightning –** "Now that's what Lightning's talking about!" Lightning boasts. "Go Team Lightning! Sha-LIGHTNING!" Suddenly, Eva barges in and boxes Lightning in the face. "_I_ won for the team you w*****!" she snarls. "You're nothing but a liability!" Eva stomps out of the confessional leaving a confused Lightning to look at the camera and say: "Is Eva a boy or a girl?"

**Jo –** "Although Cody and Beth blew away the chance for us to win, my vote goes to 'the wise samurai of intelligence'," Jo says. "I would've won the first round if it weren't for him!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

_Courtney found herself in a beach with all of the other contestants including Staci. She was jealous of them as they were all having a good time. All of a sudden, she saw a girl with brown hair, freckles, tanned skin; a purple sweater, green pants and white shoes enter the group. The girl began to lash out at the group, especially Gwen, Duncan, Bridgette, Geoff, Cody, Heather and Sierra. Then she started screaming at everyone else, beating up Alejandro, attacking Noah and trying to kill Bridgette and Gwen. Before the girl could attack Gwen and Bridgette, Jo seized the girl and tossed her at Courtney's feet. Courtney immediately did something she never thought she would do._

_She helped the girl up._

_Nevertheless, the girl was not grateful of Courtney. She screamed at the CIT to leave her alone and mind her own business. The voice sounded familiar. Courtney immediately recognised the girl._

_She was Courtney's double._

_Courtney observed her double in sheer horror as her double unveiled a grenade and threw at the group, killing every single one of the people there. As soon as the double was finished slaughtering the crowd, she turned to Courtney, got out a handgun and hissed:_

"_You're next!"_

_The double grabbed Courtney by the neck; put the gun to her temple and pulled the trigger. Courtney fell to the ground before everything instantly turned black._

* * *

Courtney awoke in the infirmary and scanned the area around her. Her head hurt because of the impact of Izzy's landing, but she didn't care.

"GO BACK TO SLEEP!" screamed Ms Scratcher, who is dressed in the same nurse outfit Chef wore in the previous seasons. Rather than talking back to the cranky, crazy woman, Courtney laid down on the bed. However, she cannot fall asleep. Too many things were going through her mind at this point.

She was sorry for all the trouble she has caused in the previous seasons.

* * *

"Campers, I only have twelve marshmallows on this plate!" barked Chris. "The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately get his or her stuff, walk down the Dock of Shame and be flung over to Playa de Losers by the Hurl of Shame. The first nine marshmallows go to DJ, Brick, Sierra, Dawn, Sam, Katie, Sadie, Cameron and Trent."

"I owe this all to the power of the nine!" Trent exclaimed, raising his marshmallow in the air.

"Don't do that ever again," said Chris. "Beth and Cody, you guys are safe," he added.

Beth and Cody breathed sighs of relief as they got their marshmallows. Jo began to worry. Harold expressed nothing but apathy as he played his Nintendo3DS. Chris continued.

"The last marshmallow goes to...

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…-"

"Wait!" said Courtney, as she walked up to Chris with her luggage. "I'm voting myself out!"

"Why?!" whined Chris.

"I've caused a lot of trouble since the first challenge of _Total Drama Island_ began," sighed Courtney. "I was selfish, hypocritical, greedy, bossy, domineering and above all, the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. I don't deserve to win or be here on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_. Before I go, I would like to apologise to everyone."

"But you bring the ratings!" whined Chris. Then he realised what he just said. "Actually, now that you're no longer a bitch, I'll bring out all of the other contestants so they can listen to your apology," he said.

Two minutes later, everyone was at the Dock of Shame as Courtney placed her luggage on the Hurl of Shame.

"Everyone, I am sorry for the trouble I have caused, the damage I have done and for how I have wronged you all," said Courtney. "I should not have done that. Harold, you were right to rig the votes against me, as I have treated you as a liability to the team even though you single-handedly won the dodge-ball and talent show contests for us, and you felt betrayed when I kissed Duncan because before that I was standing up for you. Geoff, I shouldn't have attempted to leave you behind when you got injured in the canoe challenge. Sadie, I shouldn't have been so angry at you for accidentally throwing apples at me. Justin, I'm sorry for getting you injured and breaking your heart in the fairy-tale challenge. Owen, it should have been me and not you going home in the bank robber challenge. LeShawna, I should never have tricked Harold into voting you out. Lindsay and Beth, I should've been nicer to you. Cody, I shouldn't have attacked you in Hawaii or cheered for Alejandro when he almost killed you. Sierra, I should never have taken advantage of your love for Cody to sabotage Gwen. Bridgette, I should never have used your friendship with Gwen against you. Tyler, I should not have thrown you out of the plane. Gwen and Duncan, I reacted wrongly to your relationship. I was hurt, but you like each other for who you guys are. Duncan, I should never have tried to control you or change you, I was wrong to put the money before you and thank you for being my girlfriend for most of the first three seasons. Anne Marie, I should never have insulted your love of spray tan or _Jersey Shore_. I still don't like that show, but that does not give me the right to be condescending. Zoey, you are a nice girl and you were right not to bunk with me. Gwen, you treat Duncan with more respect than I ever did, you like him for who he is while I didn't and therefore you deserve him more than I do. What you didn't deserve was being eliminated while it was me who was throwing challenges. I wish you guys the best as a couple. To everyone, I regret what I did and while I don't expect anyone of you guys to forgive me, I am sorry."

Courtney turned to the catapult, but stopped when she felt arms wrapping around her. Gwen and Bridgette have pulled Courtney into a hug. Duncan and Cody joined in, and later on, so did everyone else except for Blaineley.

"Friends again?" Gwen asked.

"Of course," Courtney replied, smiling. When the hug ended, Bridgette and Duncan helped Courtney onto the Hurl of Shame. "Goodbye, I'll never forget you guys!" Courtney called out as she waved. Everyone said goodbye in unison as they waved back. Chris pulled the lever, sending Courtney off to Playa de Losers.

"Since Team Blue was not meant to eliminate a contestant, the Team Green camper with the most votes will be on Team Blue," said Chris. "The camper going to Team Blue is… Harold!"

"WHAT?!" gasped Harold. "You all voted for me?!"

"Sorry, but you cost us the challenge," said Sadie.

"As usual, I agree with her," said Katie. "We were so close to winning the first challenge but you totally took that away from us."

"Your aura indicates that you will be creepier than you are right now," said Dawn. "You will be creepier than Trent's number nine obsession or my ability to read other people's auras put together one day."

"You complain about me playing my Nintendo3DS too much but you play yours often as well," said Sam.

"You're very rude and cynical," said DJ. "You're not very nice."

"Kicking a player while she or he is carrying most of the rest of her or his team on her or his shoulders is an act of high treason and that is an action no soldier should _ever_ perform," said Brick.

"Finally, you complained about our behaviour on the ship, but you weren't so well behaved either," said Cameron.

"Don't forget, like Staci, you never shut up!" said Jo.

"Whatever!" sneered Harold. "I don't need this team anyway! GOSH!"

"Wait… does this mean… he's on our team?!" Noah spluttered.

"Yes Noah my man, it does!" Chris chirped.

"Great, the king of all dorks is here," groaned Noah.

"Just as well I'm a girl," said Zoey.

"Agreed," said Bridgette.

"But what about us guys?!" Duncan demanded. "He's not sleeping with me! I refuse to put up with his snoring!"

"I'm with the delinquent!" Chef stated.

"I'll share a bed with him, eh," said Ezekiel.

"I respect your decision," said Alejandro. It was not a lie. Alejandro was glad he did not have to share a bed with Harold.

Harold shrugged and brought his luggage with him into the Team Blue male cabin.

In the Team Green male cabin, things were better now that Harold wasn't here and DJ had his own bed. But Brick felt lonely now that DJ was sleeping in his own bed and Brick also wet his bed.

* * *

**Sorry to all you Courtney fans, but since I decided to make Courtney good – even though I actually hate her – I decided she'd recover better from her previous actions at Playa de Losers than on Camp Wawanawkwa. Plus, I could not think of a longer storyline for her. Don't worry though; you'll see her again at some point in this story. She's friends again with almost everyone now including Bridgette and Gwen, so it's pretty much a happy ending for Courtney. I also wanted Courtney to be good again during a challenge based on the Olympics because in _Total Drama World Tour_ she became the ultimate bitch in an Olympic-based challenge.**

**I picked this challenge for the chapter because of the London 2012 Olympic Games. Plus, being Irish, I am proud of Katie Taylor's achievement in boxing, so I made boxing the last part of the five-part challenge.**

**VOTING RESULTS: Everyone on Team Green voted for Harold except for Harold, who voted for Jo.**

**ELIMINATED: Staci and Courtney.**

**This Wednesday I'll be getting the results of my Leaving Cert exams. These results will determine whether I can move on to college or be inclined to repeat the last year of secondary school. I'm very nervous now. Wish me luck.**


	3. Day 3: Wet, Wild and Weird

**I got my Leaving Cert results last week and I scored enough points to get into college, which I will be heading for in two weeks. WAHOO! Looks like I won't have to repeat the Leaving Cert. I look forward to going to college – meeting new people, having less stuff in my way, trying out new things, gaining more independence and being treated more like an adult – I can't wait! Now I shall respond to the reviews the old-fashioned way.**

**TotallyT – Glad you like that Courtney is good and is friends with everyone again. But you might have to get used to Trent's number nine obsession and where his number nine obsession will take him. But he will get out of it soon. In the end, both Courtney and Trent will be happy.**

**TotalDramaWreck – I agree with you wholeheartedly that any relationship involving Owen is disturbing. At least it adds more humour to the storyline, but there will be more disturbing incidents in this chapter, I tell ya that. I'm glad you found Harold's alliteration and conflict with Jo hilarious. For this story I'm going to make a Sheldon Cooper out of Harold – he won't be as good as Sheldon Cooper though, because of Harold's IQ and… you'll find out as you read on. I am pleased that you are satisfied with Courtney quitting and returning to normal. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much or even more as you enjoyed the previous.**

**Toaneo07 Ver2.0 – I'm glad you find it amazing.**

**Kyrogue23 – I'll make sure that Harold stays in the game for long, but we'll see how he'll turn out. I don't see him as a great ninja or samurai, but he is great for comic relief.**

**Guest – Thanks. I'm glad you like this story and **_**Unhappy Tree OCs**_** as well. I'll have the latter updated within two weeks.**

**I can't believe I forgot to give Lindsay a line in this chapter. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but I prefer to give all characters still in the game a speaking role every chapter right up to their elimination. Oh well. No point worrying about it. I'll just give Lindsay more speaking parts this chapter then. I didn't give B any speaking roles either, but he's the quiet one so it makes sense that he doesn't talk.**

**WARNING: Contains a bit of racial and LGBT stereotyping coming from Ezekiel (he doesn't mean to be stereotypical, it's just how he was raised), some disturbing sexual innuendo on Owen, Tyler, Izzy and Ezekiel's part and Trent's number nine obsession taken to the extreme. This chapter may offend and/or give nightmares to some readers.**

**Since the summer is almost over, this challenge is based on the summer. Enjoy!**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 3: Wet, Wild and Weird

* * *

"Previously on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "We had five challenges based on the London 2012 Olympics… and we had some disturbing innuendo between Owen, Justin and Scott. Yeah… our show got cancelled in Jamaica, Singapore and almost every single Arab country in the world. Many conflicts have formed from Lightning trampling over his team, Izzy pouring piranhas down Cody's pants, but especially Harold – 'the wise samurai of intelligence' – proving to Team Green what a liability he was. Fortunately for him, Courtney pulled herself from the game after her conscience bit her in the butt for being a bitch over those past few seasons. Since Courtney was on Team Blue and Harold was supposed to be eliminated, Team Blue got Harold. It sure sucks to be them. How will Harold assimilate into his new team, especially with Duncan in it? Will Team Red miss Harold? Will Owen stop being a downright creep and remember that this is a kids' show? What do you think my answer to those probing questions is going to be? Well find out anyway, on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!"

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

Cody awoke and climbed down from his bed. When he got to the floor, he noticed Trent's smile.

"Why are you so happy?" Cody curiously asked.

"Harold is on the other team!" Trent beamed. "Do you realise what this means?"

"I have a faint idea," said Cody.

"We only have to eliminate three more contestants from our team to give it a lucky nine!" said Trent.

"Why is that such a big deal to you?" Cody asked.

"When we have nine contestants left," Trent began, "we will be rewarded by The Ninth God with coming in first in every single challenge until the merge!"

Cody's brow furrowed. "How do you mean?" he asked.

"What pagan religion have your parents exposed you to?!" exclaimed Trent. "There are _nine_ gods! There's Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and, of _course_, the Ninth God! The Ninth God is the most important god of the gods!"

"How so?" Cody asked.

"Without Him, there would be no number nine!" Trent explained. "_Ten_ would come after eight, _twenty_ would come after eighteen, and_ thirty _would come after twenty-eight and so on! There would be _thirteen_ hours on an analogue clock but _twenty-five_ hours in a total day, and twenty-five cannot be divided into two by _any_whole number, not even thirteen! And worst of all, **ten** would be my lucky number instead of nine, AND I HATE TEN!"

The outburst awoke Brick, Cameron, DJ and Sam. They all glared at Trent.

"Dude, was that necessary?!" Sam asked.

"Couldn't you just wait until when my alarm clock sounds in… two minutes?!" Brick demanded, checking his clock.

"Sorry, but it is important that we give our respect to the most important god of all!" Trent justified. "And He is The Ninth God!"

Cameron's brow furrowed. "The Ninth God?" he asked.

"Seriously, what kind of people are you guys?! Are you all _Atheists _or something?!" Trent shrieked. "Let me explain to you shameful non-believers the creators behind the big bang! There are _nine_ gods! There's Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and, of _course_, the Ninth God! The Ninth God is the most important of the gods! Without Him, there would be no number nine! _Ten_ would come after eight, _twenty_ would come after eighteen, and_ thirty_ would come after twenty-eight and so on! There would be _thirteen _hours on an analogue clock but _twenty-five_ hours in a total day, and twenty-five cannot be divided into two by _any_whole number, not even thirteen! And worst of all, _ten_ would be my lucky number instead of nine, AND I HATE TEN!"

"I'm not an Atheist," DJ corrected him. "I've been Catholic since my family and I came to Canada. Before that, we belonged to one of those fanatic Christian fundamentalist churches that kill homosexuals, albinos and anyone who's had pre-marital sex. Those churches were the main reason my family and I moved to Canada."

"Catholicism is _not_ a religion!" Trent snapped. "The Number Nine Religion is, and anyone who is not a Number Nine Religion Follower will be sent to the fires of the Place Devoid of the Number Nine! It's the worst place to be because of it is devoid of the number nine!"

"Okay, you're deranged," said Sam. Before Trent could berate him, Brick's alarm clock went off.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cody –** "Trent is my friend, but he's really scaring me!" he gasps. "His number nine obsession is getting out of hand! What drugs has he been exposed to since he broke up with Gwen or when his grandfather died?!"

**Trent –** "Nine milligrams of cannabis a day keeps the dreaded number ten away!" Trent sang, rolling up some cannabis.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

Sierra was scribbling something into her notebook. This woke up Jo.

"Coming up with more innovative ways to kill Chris McLean?" Jo chuckled.

"Of course," Sierra replied. "If someone manages to enter North Korea without permission from the North Korean Government, would the government kill that someone?"

"Probably, but come up with something else," Jo suggested. "Knowing the North Korean Government, they'd be happy to have Chris McLean in the area of land they terrorise. They're practically like Chris in almost every way, and they'd use his help to torture any of their political opponents."

"Then I'll trick him into sneaking into **South** Korea," said Sierra, scribbling into her notepad. "The Governments of the North and South are at odds with each other. But South Korea is pretty lenient. Maybe they'll put Chris in jail and he will resort to suicide in his cell."

"Why don't you just use a gun?" Beth wondered.

"Too merciful," Sierra pointed out.

"Good point," said Beth. "No wonder no one in _Happy Tree Friends_ has died from firearms."

"Guys, this is murder and murder is wrong!" Dawn interjected. "Chris deserves to be alive-"

"But-" Sierra interrupted.

"-while he suffers," Dawn finished.

"Oh," said Sierra. "That's a good idea, I guess."

"OMG Sadie, Dawn is right!" Katie squealed.

"That is one of her greatest ideas ever!" Sadie squealed.

"Well it's settled," said Sierra. "We'll make Chris suffer!"

**(Video Diaries)**

**Sierra –** "Wow, I was worried people would think I was crazy," says Sierra, "but I'm glad we are all in agreement about what needs to be done. Cody's my best friend, but I don't feel the need to let him or the rest of the boys on our team in on our plans. They have enough to be doing besides dealing with Trent's number nine obsession, Brick's bedwetting problems and they still have yet to recover from Harold being in the same cabin as them. Speaking of which, I wonder how the boys on Team Blue are holding up."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

Chef opened his eyes to see Ezekiel lying beside him on one side and turned his head to see Harold lying beside him on the other side. He screamed.

"Ow, my eardrums, GOSH!" groaned Harold, putting his hand to his right ear. "Why did you wake me up this early?! It's not even five yet! Curse your incompatible parenting skills! GOSH!"

"What are you and home-school doing in my bed, ugly boy no one likes?!" Chef snarled.

"Harold and I had nightmares, eh," Ezekiel replied, wrapping his arms around Chef's right arm as if it was a teddy bear. "Harold dreamed he was in a world where ninjas didn't exist and I dreamt I was black, eh."

Chef turned his head to glare at Ezekiel with his bloodshot eyes, clearly offended by what Ezekiel said. Before he could pound the prairie kid, Harold said:

"I'll have you know Mr Hatchet that the reason Ezekiel and I chose to sleep in your bed over other beds was because you are the only individual who sleeps in this cabin who is not under the age of twenty. This effectively renders you our surrogate father for the remainder of your participation on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_."

"I didn't agree to this!" Chef protested.

"Well your presence state's otherwise," Harold confirmed. "Now as your surrogate son I request that you lay out my clothes for me."

"Get 'em yourself you lazy bollocks!" growled Chef.

"You have no choice in the matter," Harold insisted. "My parents do it for me every morning and in their absence I do that one night in advance. And profanity will not be tolerated! IDIOT!"

"Then why didn't you put your clothes out last night?!" Chef demanded, choosing to ignore the fact that Harold just berated him for cursing.

"I decided that since you are present and thus our surrogate father you would perform that task for me," said Harold, as if it was obvious.

"Just let me lay it on the line once and for all!" Chef huffed. "I'm NOT your father! I NEVER was, and I NEVER will be, you got that?!"

"I beg your pardon, I said_ surrogate_ father!" Harold corrected the cook. "Curse your underperforming hearing! GOSH!"

"Well guess what, I ain't babying you!" Chef snapped. "You're old enough to get out your clothes _yourself_**,** especially since you wear the same clothes every day!" He sat up and tilted his head to Ezekiel, continuing his glare. However, Ezekiel misunderstood him and said:

"Papa Chef, can I sit on your lap, eh?" he asked. "It was a really bad nightmare and only a cuddle can relieve the stress of that nightmare, eh."

"What do you think my answer to that question is?" the former cook hissed. Ezekiel nodded, got up, sat on Chef's bare lap and wrapped his arms around his body. Duncan, Mike, Alejandro and Noah watched this in sheer horror.

"THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING, YOU SICK PERVERT?!" Chef bellowed.

"Me ma or dad rock me after every time I have a nightmare, eh," said Ezekiel, sucking his left thumb. "They say rocking prevents the nightmares from taking over my life and it therefore makes me manlier, eh."

"Actually, a more appropriate substitute for 'rock' is 'molest'," Noah mused, jumping from his bed. "Why is it that every time I sleep in a top bunk on Camp Wawanawkwa there is something strange happening right underneath me?"

"Hey, you're not the one with some knacker coming onto ya!" Chef snapped, trying in vain to pry Ezekiel off of him.

"Knacker is only used in Hiberno-English when alluding to criminals or lower-classed members of the travelling community, or in Australian English when alluding to close acquaintances or men's testicles!" Harold corrected Chef. "Curse your limited knowledge on the distinctive linguistic dialects of the English language! IDIOT!"

"Ignore him, Chef," Duncan snickered. "Someone like you should still be flattered that an Amish kid is sitting on your lap."

"Besides, Ezekiel is eighteen years old now so you won't have to worry about getting arrested, and you are gay, aren't you?" Mike mused.

"Mind your own damn business, pretty boys!" Chef barked. He tilted his head to Ezekiel and said: "Get off of me. NOW!"

"No way, eh," said Ezekiel. "This is the comfiest lap I've sat on in my life, eh! You've got such firm thighs, eh!" Chef, Alejandro, Duncan, Mike, Noah and even Harold dropped their jaws in complete and utter terror.

"Okay, I'm just going to leave before _I_ start having nightmares," said Noah, leaving the cabin.

"Don't leave us here, amigo!" yelped Alejandro, darting out of the cabin, followed closely by Mike, Harold and Duncan. When everyone else was gone, Ezekiel said:

"I think I'll need to change my briefs, eh."

Chef Hatchet fainted and fell to the floor, crushing Ezekiel.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "Okay, I'm bisexual, and even I am disturbed by what has happened back there," says Noah. "Proud as I am of my sexuality; if what is going on in _Total Drama_ the reason why some non-heterosexuals are still going to these conversion therapy camps then my condescendence of the ex-gay movement has come to an end."

**Alejandro –** "You know what, I'm done pretending to be nice to Ezekiel!" the Latino underscores. "His actions this morning have proved what a freak he is! For the sake of what is left of my mental health I'll have to get rid of him!"

**Duncan –** "I bet Harold is the reason behind Ezekiel's new messed-up ways," says Duncan. "I've got to go back to bullying the dork."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

"That's it," said Gwen, "I'm going to find out what's making this noise!"

"What noise?" Anne Marie demanded.

"The noise that's been keeping me awake all night," Gwen huffed, climbing down from her bed.

"Greta, do you think it's some terrorist organisation?" Lindsay asked.

Ignoring the fact that Lindsay got her name wrong, Gwen replied: "Knowing Chris, I wouldn't be surprised. But why would you think that?"

"I think there's a ticking-time bomb hidden over there," said Lindsay, pointing at a lump under Izzy's covers.

"It's probably Izzy doing her usual thing," said Gwen.

"Then why don't ya check it out?" Anne Marie sneered, clearly not interested in the current situation or anything but applying more spray-tan to herself for that matter.

"Fine, I will," said Gwen, marching over to Izzy's bed and pulling back the covers. "GAH!" shrieked Gwen. This woke Bridgette and Zoey up.

"What's wrong?" Zoey asked.

Gwen observed Izzy and Blaineley in their most compromising position in pure horror. She turned her head towards Lindsay and said: "It's a lot worse than a bomb, Lindsay."

"Do you mind?" Izzy demanded. "Mildred and I are trying to have a little privacy."

Bridgette managed to hold back her vomit and said: "Izzy, please do that somewhere else! As much as I respect your love for Mildred, she is not welcome in this cabin!"

"Gee, thanks girls, you are all such lovely people!" sneered Blaineley. "Izzy's annoying me and all you guys care about is the scent I am leaving in this cabin?!"

"Well why do you think we are all so terrified?!" Gwen demanded.

"Wait, you guys don't approve of my relationship with Mildred?!" demanded Izzy.

"Of course we approve of your relationship with Mildred, Izzy," Zoey assured her. "We just can't abide her in our cabins because of her attitude."

"Oh, I see," said Izzy, brightening up. "Go away," she said to Blaineley, grabbing her by the neck and throwing her out the window Courtney broke on the previous day.

"Now I feel better," Bridgette sighed happily.

"What just happened?" asked Lindsay. "Did you guys defuse the bomb yet?" Gwen, Bridgette, Zoey and Anne Marie looked at each other. Before Gwen could say yes in reply, Izzy quickly answered:

"Yep. Izzy defused the bomb with her clitoris."

Gwen, Bridgette, Zoey and Anne Marie face-palmed.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Gwen –** "Izzy really needs to stop bringing unwanted pets into our cabin," says Gwen. "Now we're going to be disinfecting the entire cabin for hours."

**Lindsay –** "Thank God the terrorists' plans were foiled," says Lindsay. "Hopefully there won't be any more danger."

**Izzy –** Izzy is planting a satchel charge in the septic tank of the toilet.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

Blaineley stormed into the cabin covered in substances which I am not going to mention.

"Let me guess: you were at Izzy's again," LeShawna snickered.

"Well it's none of your business," Blaineley snapped.

"Relax, Mildred," jeered Heather. "At least Izzy is willing to have coitus with you for free."

Blaineley was about to pounce on Heather when Dakota held her back.

"NO FIGHTING!" Dakota roared. Next, she lifted Blaineley off the floor and flung her onto her bed.

"Nicely done, Dakota," Eva smiled.

"Thanks, Eva," Dakota beamed. "It's all in a day's work."

**(Video Diaries)**

**Blaineley –** "I really wished Izzy went with Courtney when Courtney eliminated herself!" Blaineley groans. "That way I wouldn't have to put up with the psycho hose beast! But no! Izzy decided to stay! LeShawna and Heather are not helping anything, so now I'll have to get rid of both of them as soon as I start an alliance with Scott."

**Heather –** "That Blaineley is repulsive!" Heather groans. "She's so going next as soon as I start an alliance with Scott." Heather pauses and thinks for a moment. "Actually, I could also include Owen and Justin in the alliance, as much as I consider them vile. I could also trick Lightning into voting with me without him being in the alliance."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

"Morning Justin!" Owen smiled, looking over at the other side of the mattress. There was no Justin. "Justin?" Owen repeated. He got up out of the mattress and began to look around the cabin in search of the Hawaiian model.

"Justin!" Owen called out, cupping his hands at his mouth. "Where are you?!"

"Stuck to your back like gum, dumbass!" Scott snickered.

"What?" Owen asked, turning his head to Scott and scratching Justin's butt, thinking he was scratching his own. Not looking where he was going, the fatty bumped into the wall and fell backwards, landing on Scott's lap. Justin pealed his face off of Owen's nape and turned to face Scott.

"Help… me," gasped Justin, feebly.

"Nice, you dudes having a three-way?" Geoff asked.

Justin's body suddenly returned to its original three-dimensional shape in shock when Geoff asked that question. This caused Justin's legs to be around Scott's legs and Owen to be pushed a centimetre or two into the air before landing on Justin's private organs.

"OW, MY BALLS!" Justin wailed.

"Lightning has one-ways!" Lightning boasted. "Lightning needs no two-ways or three-ways!"

"We get it!" Scott groaned. "You're a self-loving, condescending dickweed who has sex with himself because no-one in their right mind would in their right mind go to bed with you!"

"Lightning will share his body with a girl when he feels like it!" Lightning snapped. "Lightning thinks he'll share his body with Lindsay someday."

"Good for you, man!" beamed Tyler.

"Dude, he was thinking of shifting _your_ Lindsay," Geoff explained. "You can't let him even dream of doing that to your girl."

"WHAT?!" screamed Tyler. He glared at Lightning and ordered: "You'd better stay away from my Lindsay! And just for that, I'm gonna kick your ass!" Tyler sprang from his bed and lunged for Lightning, only to crash through the ceiling, roll off the roof and fall into a bed of stinging nettles just outside the cabin off-screen.

"OW, I ITCH ALL OVER!" Tyler wailed.

Next, there was a knock in the door. Heather let herself in before the men could respond to her knocking.

"Excuse me, can I talk to Scott, Justin and Owen?" asked Heather, putting on her faked, sweet smile. B nodded. Heather sauntered over to Scott, Justin and Owen – who remained in that highly awkward position – and wheeled them outside by the handlebars of Scott's wheelchair.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Geoff –** "Whoa, Heather could easily manipulate those three," Geoff points out. "Heck, she could even manipulate Lightning. I still don't trust Heather. The next time we lose a challenge I'm going to have to form an alliance with B, Tyler, LeShawna, Dakota and Eva just in case."

**Tyler –** Tyler is violently scratching himself. At one point he rips off all his clothes so it would be easier to scratch.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Heather wheeled Scott, Justin and Owen around the back of the cabin.

"Okay, listen up," said Heather. "I intend to bring you guys with me to the final four."

"What's the catch?" Justin suspiciously asked.

"Just vote for who I tell you guys to vote," said Heather.

"I'm in," said Scott, shrugging. "I don't give a damn about everyone else on this stupid island anyway."

"Count me in as well," said Justin. "This show needs more scenes of my face."

"If Justin's making it to the final four, then I'm also in!" Owen squealed, stretching out his legs and holding his hands together like an excited seven-year-old girl. Justin and Scott looked at Heather worriedly, but Heather gave them a nod, indicating that she was not going to bring Owen to the final three. Scott and Justin sighed in relief.

Then Tyler came out of the bushes; bare naked and scratching himself. Heather, Justin, Owen and Scott looked at him with disgusted looks.

"What?" asked Tyler. "I fell in a bed of nettles from my bed! Never seen a guy scratch nettle stings before?"

"Well that explains the hole in the roof," Heather scoffed. "Just cover yourself in soap and think about Owen, Justin and Scott's sitting arrangements while you're at it, okay?"

"Will that get rid of the stinging?" Tyler asked.

"Sure it will," Heather lied.

"Okay," said Tyler, running off to the boys' bathroom.

"What an idiot," Heather laughed. "Unlike you guys, who are smart enough to ally with me. Well, I'll see you boys later on for today's challenge. Too-ta-loo." Heather walked away. Owen was so excited he unleashed a massive fart that was so toxic and nauseating it caused Justin and Scott to faint simultaneously.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "That was too easy!" Heather smirks. "Now when we lose I'm gunning for Tyler. I'm worried he may be carrying valuable information which I'm not about to reveal to anyone else in this dump. Plus, he's useless unless he believes what I said about applying the soap."

**Tyler –** "I'm not sure if me thinking about that three-way helped me get rid of the stings, but I do feel a bit better down under," says Tyler.

**Scott –** "Even though I will have to put up with Owen until the third last episode I'm glad I'm in this alliance," says Scott. "I'll be more likely to win and I'm sure I can survive the fat boy's presence-" All of a sudden, Owen bursts into the confessional cubicle, drops his pants, sits down on Scott's lap and whips out a newspaper.

**Justin –** The male model is repulsed by the smell but shares his thoughts nonetheless. "Glad as I am to be in an alliance, I'm not exactly sure if I want Owen to be in it," says Justin. "I nearly got wrinkles as a result of him flattening me. Haven't I been damaged enough?!" As he mentions that, the satchel charge in the septic tank behind the model explodes, destroying the confessional cubicle and its contents, severely injuring Justin in the process.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

The contestants were in the mess hall choking down their brown slop when Chris swaggered in and was like: "What's with all the disturbed expressions?!"

The girls on Team Blue and Team Red – minus Blaineley – pointed their fingers at Blaineley. "Mildred!" they replied in unison.

"Excuse me, _Izzy_ was the one who came onto me!" Blaineley protested, throwing her arms up in the air.

"MILDRED!" barked Ms Scratcher. "WRITE OUT FIVE PAGES ON WHY IT IS BAD TO MOLEST A MINOR!"

"Molest a _minor_?" demanded Blaineley. "SHE'S BLOODY EIGHTEEN!"

"Actually, the legal age of maturity is _nineteen _in Canada," Chris explained. "I can't believe eve Ms Scratcher, a non-Canadian, noticed that."

"Well I'm _not_ doing any write-out!" Blaineley huffed.

"You have to, or it's instant elimination," Chris smirked. Blaineley scowled and began to scribble on a piece of paper. "Okay, so I presume there were other disturbing occurrences last night but keeping in mind that this is a children's TV show we're moving on to the challenge," said Chris. "Anyway, today's challenge is split into two parts: a reward challenge and an immunity challenge. And they are about water. For the reward challenge we've built a crazy and pretty scary but completely safe waterslide."

"Yeah right," Noah sneered.

"I'll have you know, know-it-all Noah, that we had four interns test the waterslide," Chris pointed out.

"And?" pestered Noah.

"Well… um," Chris struggled to come up with a fib.

"Told ya," Noah sniggered.

"Shut up," groaned Chris. "Anyway, each contestant must go down the waterslide. The team with the least amount of contestants to refuse to go down the waterslide will win an advantage in the immunity challenge: building a waterslide! The team with the best waterslide wins a prize will the team with the worst sends someone home. Now to the clearing in the forest!"

* * *

The contestants stood atop a platform thirty metres above the ground. In front of them was a gigantic, Kamikaze-style waterslide.

"Since Owen is likely to break the slide we'll have him go last," said Chris. "Team Green, you guys are up first."

"I'm not sure if I could do this," Brick whimpered.

"Don't worry, Brick, I've got your back," Jo assured the cadet, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Brick smiled. "Thanks Jo," he said.

"Abyssinia, my friend," Jo quickly added, pushing Brick down the waterslide. Brick screamed at the top of his lungs as he descended, but he landed safely at the bottom. Unfortunately, the friction pulled his swimming trunks up so high his jewels were sore. Brick became nauseated and threw up on the sand outside the splash-pool. He staggered and proceeded to exit the pool only to collide with Jo, who went down the slide after him.

"Should've gotten out faster," jeered Jo, climbing out of the pool. An injured Brick crawled out of the pool and collapsed onto the area he vomited in.

"Poor Brick," said Chris, as Cody, followed by Sierra, Dawn and Sam, had their turn.

"Chris? Is it possible for us to go together?" asked Katie.

"Sorry, but no," Chris informed her. "But Sadie could go after you or you could go after Sadie."

"But we can't be separated, Chris!" Sadie protested.

"If you both go down at the same time, you'll get seriously injured," Chris insisted. "Look what happened to the interns? Four went down at the same time and they died at the same time."

"Why did they go down at the same time?" Noah demanded.

"I swear to God I didn't push them!" Chris pleaded. He realised everyone was staring at him and that they knew what he said was a lie. "Okay, since Sadie lasted longer than Katie in the first season, Katie will go first, deal?"

Katie and Sadie squealed before Katie went down the slide and Sadie followed after here fifteen seconds later.

"Me next, me next!" Trent eagerly chirped. "I want to be the ninth to go down the slide!" And so he went down the slide as he counted to nine. The musician reached the bottom just as he chanted nine aloud.

"AND THAT'S WHAT I CALL THE POWER OF THE NINE!" barked Trent.

"What's with him?!" Chris demanded. "Has he created a _religion_ out of that number?!"

"Unfortunately," sighed Cameron.

"I'm not sure if I can do this," said Beth.

"I'm sure you can," Cameron encouraged her. "If Brick can do it, so can you. Sure, he was pushed, but that's beside the point. The point is: you can do it." Beth nodded, performed a sign of the cross, held her breath and descended. The sweet girl made it to the bottom unharmed. She smiled at Cameron and DJ and waved. They waved back to congratulate her.

"You sure you can do this?" DJ asked the bubble-boy.

"I've been through a lot last season," said Cameron with a determined look on his face. He cascaded down the slide, only to drown.

"I WANT MY BUBBLE!" Cameron yelped.

Sam jumped into the pool to rescue Cameron. Chris rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't surprised by what happened," said Chris.

"Well I ain't going," DJ said. "I'm too scared."

"Well that's too bad," said Chris, placing a chicken hat on DJ's head. "Team Blue, you guys are up!"

Bridgette was the first to go, followed closely by Gwen, Zoey, Mike, Duncan, Chef and Alejandro. They had no problems getting down.

"Ooh, fun!" Izzy chirped, grabbing Noah, stacking Ezekiel on the former and mounting the latter before descending. Izzy happily roared a battle-cry as Noah and Ezekiel shrieked at the top of their lungs, fearing for their lives as they cascaded to the bottom.

"Wahoo," groaned a sarcastic Noah, "what fun I had plunging head first to my doom, nearly getting water in my eyes, sustaining burns on my belly and breaking almost breaking every single bone in my body."

"You consider this fun, eh?!" snapped Ezekiel. "That was half as bad as the nightmare I dreamt last night, eh!"

"Oh shut up you racist p****!" snarled Chef.

"What's his problem, eh?" Ezekiel wondered.

"Well duh, you told Chef you considered any dream about being black a nightmare," Noah huffed.

"So what, eh?" said Ezekiel. "How would you like it if you dreamt you were following a different religion, like Islam, eh?"

"I _AM_ A MUSLIM!" Noah snarled, grinding his teeth.

"Oh, eh," said Ezekiel. He immediately got off the bookworm and backed away in panic. "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, EH!" he shrieked. "I'M FINE WITH BEING A MUSLIM, EH!"

"Damn it, I said I was a _Muslim_, not a freaking Jihadist!" Noah groaned, climbing out of the pool.

"Aw, I was hoping you had some dynamite," Izzy moaned.

"Well I guess it's just tough luck for you," Noah sneered.

Back at the top of the platform, Anne Marie refused to jump.

"There is no way I'm getting my hair wet!" said Anne Marie.

"I wouldn't blame you, but since your hair isn't as good as mine, you'll have to wear a chicken hate," said Chris, plopping a chicken hat on the _Jersey Shore_ fan-girl's head. Anne Marie scowled as she stomped off. Harold did a pose before going down the slide. However, as his legs were spread in a V-shape his kiwis hit the water hard. He let out a loud cry in distress.

"Okay Lindsay, you're up," said Chris.

"Okay, I think I will win the surfing championship!" Lindsay said, placing a stack of five sheets of paper before her in the water of the slide before diving. Surprisingly, she safely made it to the bottom, although the sheets of paper were ruined. "Aw, my surfboard is broken!" whined Lindsay, looking disappointedly at the wrecked sheets of paper.

"THAT WAS MY WRITE OUT, WHICH I SPENT THREE HOURS DOING!" roared Blaineley.

"Well then you can retrieve them," said Chris, brightly, "because Team Red is up!"

"How the Hell am I supposed to descend if I'm in a bloody wheelchair?!" Scott demanded.

"Well it's not my problem," Chris smirked.

"Well _I_ have a solution," Eva interjected. She seized Scott's wheelchair, placed him at the top of the slide and down he went, backwards. He shrieked as he cascaded before splashing into the pool.

"Okay, now get me out!" Scott ordered, but nobody was listening to him. He therefore remained where he was while B, Geoff, Dakota, Eva, LeShawna and Lightning went down the slide in order, only to pile on top of Scott. Heather looked at them condescendingly and said:

"Well I'm not joining them in that orgy," Heather sneered. "Not just because of my hair, but also because I don't want to look like a loser."

"I'm not going either!" Blaineley huffed.

"Neither am I," said Justin, gazing into his mirror.

"WELL I'M JUMPING!" Tyler boomed, leaping off the edge, only to roll down the slide like a tyre and crash into the seven other members of his team that were in the pile. Six of them flew out like bowling pins while Scott and Tyler remained in that same spot where the pile used to be, with the latter on top of the former.

Before Chris could put the chicken hats on Heather, Blaineley and Justin, Owen took one look down the slide and fainted. He collapsed, with Heather, Blaineley and Justin caught between him and the waterslide. Owen rolled towards the slide, flattening Justin, Blaineley and Heather in the process and rolling down the slide with the three of them still attached. They landed on Tyler and Scott, flattening them as well.

"THEW INNERS!" exclaimed Chris. "TEAM RED!"

"What a minute!" Jo protested. "The bitch, the blond lesbo bitch and the ugly creep nobody likes refused to cascade! They don't deserve the reward!"

"Okay, I know I said the team with the least amount of members to refuse to go down the slide wins the advantage, but Team Green and Team Blue had a tie, so their scores don't count I'm afraid," Chris sheepishly informed the female jock. "Sorry for not explaining the tie-breaker rules earlier, heh-heh."

"F*** you!" sneered Jo, walking off. As she did, she walked right over Brick, further covering him in his own vomit.

"But Noah and Ezekiel didn't go down on their own either," Sierra pointed out. "Izzy dragged them down with them."

"Yes, but they didn't _refuse_ to go, did they?" said Chris.

"In that case you'd better sleep with one eye open tonight," Sierra muttered.

"Well we tried our best, eh," Ezekiel brightly said to his team. Chef continued to glare at him. "Look, I'm sorry if I offended you, eh," begged Ezekiel. "You'd know how I felt if you had a nightmare in which you were white, eh."

"I wouldn't care if I dreamt I was white, even if the dream was set in Tanzania and everyone in the dream wanted to kill me, thinking I was albino!" Chef snarled.

"Okay, how about I cheer you up with some jokes, eh," said Ezekiel. "Why should you never drop a penny in Israel, eh?"

"Why?" wondered Chef, rolling his eyes.

"Because with Jews you lose, eh! Heh-heh, eh!" was Ezekiel's answer.

"I'M JEWISH YOU RACIST LITTLE BASTARD!" Chef roared.

"Oh, well don't get mad, I've got another joke, eh," said Ezekiel, quickly. "Um, how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?"

"How?" asked Chef, clenching his fists.

"AIDS, eh! Heh-heh, eh!" was Ezekiel's answer.

"I'M GAY YOU IGNORANT REDNECK!" Chef roared.

"Oops, sorry eh!" gasped Ezekiel. "Just one more joke okay eh! I promise it'll make you laugh, eh! So, what do you say when you see your TV floating around in the dark, eh?"

"What?!" demanded Chef, mentally working relentlessly to restrain himself from strangling the prairie kid.

"'DROP IT, NI-'"

**(Video Diaries)**

**Ezekiel –** "Jewish, homosexual black men have no sense of humour, eh," Ezekiel says, shaking his head. He is wearing a sling for his left arm.

**Brick –** "I can't believe Jo did this to me," Brick sobs. He stops sobbing and starts scowling. "THAT BITCH!" he roars. "I'LL SHOW HER! I'LL SHOW ALL OF THEM!" Suddenly, Jo bursts in, gives Brick an Indian burn and runs out laughing. Brick bursts into tears.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"Team Red, you guys get a fifteen metre tall platform to build your waterslides on!" Chris barked. "Team Green and Team Blue, you losers will have to make do with the ten metre platforms for your waterslides! Sucks to be you wimps, huh?!" Chef and Jo stuck up their middle fingers at Chris. Chris ignored them and said: "You have three hours to complete your waterslides! Good luck!"

* * *

**Team Red**

"How about we build the same waterslide as the one we went down?" said Eva. "Except it's a tube and it twists around."

"I don't think I can fit down that," said Owen.

"You're not going down it anyway," Scott interjected. "Knowing you, I'm surprised the slide we went down could take your weight."

"So we're settled," said Eva. "Questions?"

"Yes!" growled Blaineley, raising her hand. "Who made you the boss?!" she demanded. Eva responded by grabbing Blaineley by the neck and firing her out into the lake.

"Now we can work without much difficulty," said Eva.

And so Team Red got to work.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Eva –** "That Mildred is annoying!" growled Eva. "I'll be delighted to get rid of her if we lose!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green**

"Since it is all Brick's fault we didn't win he must do with all of the hard work, agreed?" said Jo.

"_My_ fault?!" Brick protested. "You pushed me down the slide and _DJ_ was the one who didn't jump!"

"Nobody cares now get to work!" Jo ordered. She turned around to face the rest of her teammates and asked: "So what waterslide are we building?"

"How about a slide resembling the number nine!" Trent eagerly suggested.

"Dude, are you, like, serious?" Sam wondered.

"Yes, I'm serious!" Trent insisted.

"Okay, so if we built anything other than a structure resembling the number nine what would you do?" Cody asked.

"I'd sacrifice you guys to the Ninth God, as it will be the only way to save your souls," Trent stated.

"I guess we're quickly running out of options," said Sierra.

"How about we build a slide shaped like a tube that leads into a bowl," Beth suggested. "The rider spins around the bowl and goes down another tube in the middle. Would that be nine-like enough?"

"Will it, Trent?" Jo asked.

"Yes, that's a great idea!" Trent beamed. He turned to Beth and said: "You are the perfect candidate for the first saint of the Number Nine Religion!"

"Um… okay?" Beth uncertainly and uncomfortably replied.

And so Team Green got to work.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Beth –** "Okay Trent seriously is beginning to terrify me," Beth whispers. "If he keeps this up, next thing you'll know, he will have established a destructive cult and killed nine hundred people. I mean, right now he's singing hymns except every syllable is substituted for the word nine."

**Trent –** Trent is singing _Fan the Flame_, but he is substituting every syllable for the word nine. In order to reduce the likelihood of disturbing viewers further, the confessional camcorder only records the first chorus.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue**

"No," said Gwen. "We're not building that."

"I'm telling you guys," Harold insisted, "we must construct a waterslide with the appearance of a dragon! It's the only idea that will guarantee us the win! GOSH!"

"No, it's the stupidest idea that you ever came up with!" Duncan scoffed.

"'Least intelligent' would be a more suitable alternative to 'stupidest'," Harold spoke back. "Curse your poor vocabulary! IDIOT!"

Duncan was about to punch Harold but Mike held him from doing so.

"Ignore him," Mike assured the delinquent. "His idea is useless so we're not going to use it."

"Excuse me, I can comprehend what you are accentuating with regards to my brilliant plan!" snapped Harold.

"Curse his Vulcan hearing," groaned Mike.

"Izzy can fix it!" Izzy chirped, holding up a horn loudspeaker.

"Don't even think about it, Izzy," Noah snapped.

"Relax, I would never go as far as to damage your hearing," Izzy assured her teammates. She was not certain when she underscored her statement, however.

"How about we build a slide like the one we just went down," Bridgette suggested, "except there's a curve at the end of it so you go up and down."

"That's a good idea, senorita!" Alejandro praised.

"No one needs your opinion, Alejandro Dead-ass!" Duncan snarled. He turned to Bridgette and said: "Good idea. Let's start right away."

And so Team Blue got to work.

**(Video Diaries)**

**Alejandro –** Alejandro curses about Duncan in Spanish. Suddenly, Izzy barges in and blows the horn loudspeaker. This does not affect Izzy as she is wearing earmuffs. Unfortunately, this temporarily impairs Alejandro's hearing as he is not wearing any earmuffs. When Izzy leaves, cackling like a madwoman, Alejandro proceeds to curse about Izzy in Spanish.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"TIME'S UP!" Chris called out. He went up to Team Red. "Wicked-cool waterslide! What have you entitled it?"

"It's called _The Twister_," said Geoff.

"Nice," said Chris. He went up to Team Blue. "That is a very unique waterslide! What have you named it?"

"It's called _The Boomerang_," said Bridgette.

"Also nice," said Chris. He went up to Team Green. "Now _that_ waterslide looks like a winner! What have you called it?"

"It's called-" Dawn tried to answer.

"_The Number Nine Waterslide_!" Trent replied, cutting Dawn off.

"Seriously?!" shrieked Chris. "That's what you named it?!"

"No, that's Trent being an idiot!" Jo explained. "It's actually called-"

"_The Number Nine Waterslide_, and that's final!" snarled Trent, glaring at Jo.

"Okay, that's nine points deducted for such a stupid name," said Chris, scribbling in his notebook. "Furthermore, the maximum number of points awarded is thirty, so you've lost a third already."

"You dare insult the Ninth God?!" demanded Trent.

"Shut up, dumbass!" Jo interjected, throwing Brick at the musician.

"Thanks, Jo," said Chris. "I needed that. Anyway, our next order of business is to have our interns test your rides. The team with the waterslide that has the intern who makes it out alive with the least amount of injuries or the intern with the least horrible death wins the award tonight. The team with the waterslide that has the intern who makes it out alive with the greatest amount of injuries or the intern with the most horrible death will send someone home. Let the testing commence!"

The interns climbed to the platforms and went down their respective waterslides. The intern on _The Boomerang_ flew off the edge and slammed into a tree. The intern on _The Twister_ came out with two dislocated shoulders and two dislocated hips. Furthermore, his elbows, knees, fingers and toes were severely messed up.

Meanwhile, the intern on the so-called _The Number Nine Waterslide_ was having no trouble descending down the waterslide. All of a sudden, _The Number Nine Waterslide_ went up in flames.

"HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!" shrieked Sierra.

"It was Trent!" Dawn gasped. "Worse, his aura tells me he will do much crazier things in the future!"

"WHAT?!" snapped Jo. She turned around to see Trent with a hose connected to an oil tank in his hands. As he did this, the musician sang _Fan the Flame_ aloud, except he substituted every syllable for the word nine. "TRENT YOU IDIOT, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Jo demanded.

"What do you think I'm doing?!" Trent demanded. "I'm burning this waterslide as a token of my gratitude for everything the Ninth God has given me and done for me!"

"COULDN'T YOU HAVE WAITED UNTIL _AFTER _THE INTERN HAS TESTED IT?!" Jo screamed.

"Do you not realise what time it is?" Trent questioned.

"4.39 pm," Jo huffed.

"It _may_ be 4.39 pm in your pagan calendar, but in the _real _calendar it is as of now the nine-hundred-and-ninety-ninth minute of the day," Trent replied. "It is the perfect time to sacrifice _The Number Nine Waterslide _to the Ninth God! What's more, the intern's soul will come as an additional gift to the Ninth God!"

"Well the intern is dead, so Team Green is once again sending someone home!" Chris interjected. "Since the intern who tested _The Boomerang_ sustained fewer injuries than the intern who tested _The Twister_, Team Blue wins… a wicked hot tub party!"

Team Blue cheered. Mike picked up Zoey and swirled her around. Duncan and Gwen exchanged a sloppy wet kiss. Bridgette, Noah and Lindsay slapped a high-five. Anne Marie and Alejandro fist-bumped. Izzy celebrated by grabbing Harold by the legs and spinning him around, much to the nerd's chagrin. Chef, however, was not pleased.

"Aren't you happy we won, eh?" Ezekiel asked Chef.

"Yes, but I'm not happy you insulted me with your racism and homophobia," Chef huffed.

"Relax, they were just jokes, eh," said Ezekiel.

"Well I still don't like them," Chef hissed. "And I don't like you either. If you sleep in my bed again, I will break your neck. GOT IT?!"

"Okay, how about I give you a snack as a token of my apology, eh," said Ezekiel. He picked up a watermelon and gave it to Chef. "It has a brisket in it, eh," the ignorant prairie kid added. "Plus, I'll let you listen to the Kylie Minogue albums on my iPod, eh. I'm sure gay men like you enjoy listening to Kylie Minogue, eh."

Chef responded by whacking Ezekiel upside the head with the watermelon before walking away.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

**Jo –** "That stupid Trent!" huffs Jo. "We were this close to winning! _This _close! And then Dr Nine showed up and ruined everything! I tell ya, he's a bloody maniac! He _needs_ to go!"

**Dawn –** "I sense a very bad aura from Trent," Dawn warns. "I am left with no choice but to vote him off."

**Cody –** "Sorry Trent, but I have to vote you off," Cody sighs miserably. "You need to go, otherwise your number nine obsession will embarrass you further. At least you will be the third person voted off, and three is the square root of nine." All of a sudden, Trent sticks his head in the window and he's like: "Did somebody say _nine_?"

**Chef –** "For the record, I do _not_ like eating briskets, I eat watermelon but it's _not _my favourite fruit and the _only_ music I listen to is heavy metal or rap," Chef scolds. "In case you are wondering why I cross-dressed in the previous seasons, I only did that to torture the contestants. If that home-school white trash thinks he can get away with these stereotypes he's got another thing coming!"

**Ezekiel –** "Maybe if I gave money to Chef instead, maybe he would forgive me, eh," says Ezekiel. "Jews love money, and maybe Chef will have the money to buy him enough fried chicken women's perfume to last him at least a month, eh."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"Two in a row, eh?" Chris jeered. "Sucks to be you, Team Green!"

"Just get on with it!" Sierra barks.

"Fine, sheesh!" Chris groaned. "Spoil the moment, will ya? Anyway, you've all cast your votes and made your decisions. Whoever does not receive a marshmallow must immediately get their stuff and walk down the Dock of Shame and be flung over to Playa de Losers by the Hurl of Shame. The contestants that got no votes so far are… Dawn, Sierra, Cody, Beth, Sam, Sadie, Katie, Cameron and Brick. DJ, Jo, Trent, two of you got a vote each and the other one of you got every other vote. The penultimate marshmallow goes to… Jo!"

Jo caught her marshmallow. She turned to face Brick and blew him a raspberry. Brick hung his head in defeat. DJ was in a pool of sweat. Trent was glaring wickedly at him.

"You voted for me?!" DJ gasped. "Why?!"

"Because you're a Catholic, and membership of any religion besides the Number Nine Religion is mortally sinful!" Trent snarled. "It is the only way to warn you that by denying the presence of the Ninth God you are asking to be condemned to spend an eternity in the Place Devoid of the Number Nine!"

Jo had had enough. "JUST GIVE IT UP WITH YOUR GODDAMN NUMBER NINE FETISH ALREADY!" she bellowed. "I KNOW YOU CONSIDER NINE TO BE YOUR LUCKY NUMBER! I DON'T MIND THAT, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR GRANDFATHER DIED JUST AS THE TENTH WHEEL OF YOUR TOY TRAIN YOUR GRANDFATHER GAVE YOU CAME OFF! BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO START A CULT DEDICATED TO A NUMBER!"

Trent looked at her as if she had two heads and said: "Don't worry, Jo, you'll convert eventually."

"ENOUGH!" Chris interjected, before Jo could assail Trent further. "Anyway, the last marshmallow goes to…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…DJ! Trent, you can take your precious Number Nine Religion and shove it up your arse because you've been eliminated."

"Good!" huffed Trent. "It's bad for my reputation to be around pagans anyway!" The musician got up, grabbed his stuff, walked over to the Hurl of Shame, placed his stuff in the catapult, and performed an odd gesture that is similar to the Sign of the Cross, pulled the lever and was sent straight to Playa de Losers.

"Is it me or did Trent perform an odd gesture which is eerily similar to the Sign of the Cross?" Cody asked, noticing that Trent touched his forehead, right shoulder, left nipple, left shoulder and left hand in order before pulling the lever.

"He performed what he refers to as the Sign of the Nine," Dawn explained. "Creepy as it is, but don't worry. I can sense that Courtney will try to help your friend."

Cody smiled. "Thanks Dawn," said Cody. "But I still feel bad voting him off."

"I'm sure he'll be fire, Cody," Sierra assured Cody. "He always loved that number since his granddad died, but he only became obsessed with it when Chris put him and Gwen on separate teams. He seemed fine in the third season, so maybe Chris is a trigger of his obsession, which is another excuse to get revenge on him."

"You're right, Sierra," said Cody. "Maybe if he has a girlfriend Trent's obsession won't be triggered when he's around Chris."

"In that case, since Gwen and Duncan are good together and Staci is well… Staci," said Cameron, "let's hope Trent and Courtney become a couple."

"OMG that would be so cute!" Katie squealed.

"Definitely!" Sadie squealed. "It will be better than Duncney and Gwent combined!"

The Team Green members left the dock except for Brick. He stared out into the ocean. He was furious.

* * *

At Playa de Losers, Courtney was enjoying the time along since Staci was in her room acting like a lunatic. Then Trent landed in the pool. Courtney noticed him and helped him out.

"Trent, are you okay?!" Courtney asked.

"No," Trent spluttered. "My team voted me out because of their sectarian hatred of the Number Nine Religion."

Courtney realised that Trent's number nine obsession has reached an all new level of creepy, which explains Trent's elimination. She decided she needs to help him go back to the original Trent in season one before his number nine obsession was triggered early in the second season.

"Hear," said Courtney, offering her hand to the musician. "I'll help you solve your problems."

"Thanks," smiled Trent, taking Courtney's hand. They walked into the hotel in search of the psychologist's office.

* * *

The Team Blue members are in the hot tub celebrating.

"A toast to Team Blue!" Mike chanted, with his arm around Zoey.

"TO TEAM BLUE!" the entire team chanted in unison. Anne Marie, Alejandro and Lindsay jumped out of the tub and began to chant "Go Team Blue!" in unison all night long. Brick stood in the background, glaring at them.

* * *

The members of Team Red were hanging around outside their cabin when Bridgette, Lindsay and Izzy showed up.

"Why aren't you guys in your hot-tub?" asked LeShawna.

"Ezekiel took a dump in out hot-tub," Bridgette spat.

"And it was delicious," said Izzy. Everyone looked at her in sheer horror.

"Come join us," LeShawna said to Lindsay and Bridgette. Lindsay sat on Tyler's lap and Bridgette sat on Geoff's lap. Later on Duncan and Mike showed up and sat next to Geoff and Tyler respectively, and Gwen and Zoey showed up and sat on Duncan and Mike respectively. They began a long conversation while Izzy dragged Blaineley out to the woods for some coitus.

As the camera panned out, Brick stuck his head in front of it and hissed: "Jo may think she can bully me like that all she wants! But believe me, I will make her pay! I will also make _everyone _on the island pay for doing nothing about Jo being a bitch to me!"

* * *

**Well that's the third chapter done! Sorry for how I portrayed Trent and for his early elimination, but at least he can get out of his number nine obsession. Also, I don't want Courtney to be alone with Staci for so long and I felt Trent would be the perfect company. Trent's number nine obsession was a little over the top, I admit. Speaking of which, **_**Fan the Flame**_** is a hymn sung in Christian Churches, especially during Holy Communion and Confirmation ceremonies. As a Catholic, I felt sort of weird having Trent sing it like the way he did, but once he's cured of his chronic number nine obsession he will write to the Pope and apologise.**

**Has Brick suddenly become the next primary antagonist of the season? We'll find out in future chapters, coming **_**later**_** to a computer near you!**

**That is the longest chapter I have written out of all my stories so far. Future chapters may be longer, which can also mean longer updates. It may be the end of next month before Chapter Four is up because of college and the amount of studying and socialising I will be doing. I will try to update at least one chapter a month.**

**VOTING RESULTS: Trent voted for DJ, Brick voted for Jo and the rest voted for Trent.**

**ELIMINATED: Staci, Courtney and Trent.**

**I'll try to update **_**Total Drama Yuri**_** and **_**Unhappy Tree OCs**_** within the next two weeks.**


	4. Day 4: Terrible Teacher Trouble

**Before I continue, yes, this is actually Cottontop. I changed my name to RedEyedWarrior for many reasons, many of which are personal. Also I've deleted some of my stories. Sorry, but looking back, I realised that someday someone will notice it was me that wrote them and my reputation would consequently be messed up. But I did back up the two longest stories that I deleted in case some of you wanted me to PM them to you. Now before I respond to the reviews, an author has kindly asked me to delete this fic because of Owen, Scott, Justin and Ezekiel. Just so we're clear, I'm not deleting this fic and I do not need psychological help. If you have a problem with the content of this fic, then grow a pair and stop reading it. Plain and simple. Anyway:**

**Toaneo07 Ver2.0 – Sorry that I offended you by portraying Ezekiel as a racist. However, Ezekiel does not mean to be racist, and no, he did not get that from his family. His racism is coming from someone within Camp Wawanawkwa. I'm not going to reveal who the bastard is right now, but you'll find out in future chapters. Ezekiel only believes that stuff because he's gullible. However, I will tone down Ezekiel's messed up ways a bit. However, you may still need to get used to them.**

**Kyrogue23 – I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. I'll keep it funny. But don't kill Ezekiel. Later on, you'll find yourself wanting to kill some other character more than you want to kill Ezekiel. Oh, and Brick will stand up for himself, but not in the way he should.**

**TotalDramaWreck – Reading your review was a real treat. I had to let Trent go. His "Number Nine Religion" problem was the only idea I had for him (Evil Trent was definitely ruled out, as I did not want to copy The Cheesebub) and it's a good excuse to send him to Playa des Losers early so Courtney won't be alone with Staci. Brick will be a good antagonist, but there's a good chance that he will only be a secondary antagonist. You like this story as much as **_**Total Drama Returns **_**by The Cheesebub? Aw, shucks! This is the best compliment I've ever received. As a matter of fact, **_**Total Drama Returns**_** is among the primary inspirations for **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**. I'm not sure whether or not I'll have to eventually bring this fic up to 'M', but I'm definitely going to continue this story.**

**Mrwanton – I'm glad you like this. Scott will probably never change, though.**

**White rosestrand – A fan of Cody + Sierra, are we? Who knows? It could happen. There definitely will be romance, though.**

**TheGunmaster – Okay, I'll try and tone down the Owen-related and Ezekiel-related innuendo, but please take into account that there are hundreds of thousands of stories on this site that are much more disgusting than this fic.**

**THE-BANNED-AUTHOR – I'm glad you're enjoying this fic. Noah certainly has a chance in this fic, I'll tell you that. You don't like the underdogs? I don't blame you, but I hate Lightning more, so I'm glad Cameron won. Owen is disgusting, but he's a good tool for torturing Scott who – you've guessed it! – I hate so much. I love Izzy as well. I'm glad you like how Courtney became good again. I don't like Gwen and Duncan together either. It's not going to last for the remainder of this fan fiction. I share my hatred of Harold with you. He's an absolute freak. I'll keep him around for longer though, that way all the other characters, including LeShawna, will hate Harold. Yes, the Leaving Cert exams are like the SAT exams. I'm glad they're over and I'm now doing well in college. Noah and Cody will never be a couple in this fic. I too like Noah and Izzy together, but I also like having Izzy sexually harassing the contestants. Noah will be one of them. Trent and Courtney will either be a couple or best friends, but I prefer the idea of the last one. The first one is still better than Duncan and Courtney dating each other. Brick as a villain will definitely be a major theme throughout the course of the story, so you're in luck. Sadly, Harold, Justin and Duncan will be here for long, but none of them will walk out of the competition with the prize, even if they win. I hate Harold and Justin too much and Duncan has already won in **_**Total Drama Action**_**, so they are definitely not going to win. I'm glad you're enjoying this fic.**

**Sorry for the overdue update. You see, I was busy with projects and tests that were part of my course. I did have plenty of opportunities to update since they have lots of computers and high-speed internet connection on campus, but I didn't want to update on the campus. I was too self-conscious. At home, I got more addicted to YouTube. I also got addicted to Twitter when I had an account set up as required by some modules in my course. Finally, I couldn't stop thinking about the US Presidential Elections (even though it shouldn't apply to me). Anyway, I'm glad Obama secured a second term and they legalised pot in Colorado and Washington. I'm making progress in college, although there is room for improvement – and I'm worried. I'm rambling. I won't keep ye hanging. Now enjoy this super awesome – but long-overdue – chapter.**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 4: Terrible Teacher Trouble

* * *

"Last time on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "We had a waterslide based challenge where Jo single-handedly had Brick transformed from a well-rounded soldier to a lame version of Rambo, Team Red had what looked like a massive orgy and Ezekiel pissed Chef Hatchet off … as well as millions of our fans. Yeah, we received millions of angry letters and death threats. Yeah, I guess I probably should've edited this before broadcasting it since it is a kids' show, but who gives a shit? Kids are just little bastards." Chris paused and looked at the camera as if the camera thought Chris had three eyes. "What? It's true, you know. Kids should be playing outside instead of sitting on their arses day in, day out, watching TV. Anyway, we made the teams construct their very own waterslides. Team Green was so close to winning, but Trent, the so-called profit of the so-called "Number Nine Religion", burnt it, thus causing his team to lose, causing his team to vote him out and causing the intern that was testing the waterslide to die a horrible death. Don't worry. He's in Hell now. And so Team Green has lost two days in a row. Will things change for them, or will they suck forever? Will Heather's new alliance succeed, or will it fail simply because Owen is on it? Will Ezekiel cop on to himself, or has he gone back to his old messed up ways? Find out here, on TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!"

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

Blaineley awoke, relieved that Izzy was not in her bed and that Blaineley was not in Izzy's bed. Her relieved smile, however, turned to a scowl.

"Where is Heather?" Blaineley demanded.

"Probably trying to get away from you," Eva sneered, lifting her head slightly up from her pillow. "You have a problem with that?"

"Yes!" snapped Blaineley. "Heather could be plotting something against me."

"Girl, I'm pretty sure we're all doing that," LeShawna grudgingly assured Blaineley, climbing out of her bed, "except for Izzy."

"Are you saying I'm not popular?!" Blaineley snarled.

"Well isn't it obvious?!" Eva pointed out. "The only place that has the capacity to put up with your presence is Izzy's basement!"

"You take that back," Blaineley threatened.

"Dakota, I'll need your opinion," Eva inquired. "Do you believe I should take it back?"

"What do you think?" Dakota asked, filing her claws. "What do I think? What does LeShawna think? What does everybody else except for Izzy think?"

"You're right," said Eva. "Sorry, Mildred, but I'm not going to take it back."

Blaineley snarled. "I don't need this!" she huffed. "I'm going to go take a shower!" She got up from her bed, grabbed her towel and make up bag and marched up to the door. She opened the door, only to reveal an eager Izzy standing at the doorway.

"Count me in!" Izzy chirped, grabbing a shocked Blaineley and dragging her to the outhouse.

"That's one of the many reasons why I'm glad Izzy has not been eliminated yet," said LeShawna. Eva and Dakota nodded in agreement.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**LeShawna –** "That girl Blaineley has been getting on my last nerves!" says LeShawna. "I'm voting her out should we lose!"

**Eva –** "I'm glad I didn't take it back," Eva boasts. She gets angry all of a sudden. "BUT I DO REGRET NOT CRUSHING MILDRED'S SKULL WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!" she roars.

**Izzy –** "That was hot!" Izzy beams, wearing a towel.

**Blaineley –** "That was the worst shower ever!" Blaineley gripes. "If that Izzy thinks she can lick the soap off of me again, she's got another thing coming!" She realises how wrong the last part of that sentence sounds. "WE DID NOTHING ELSE IN THERE!" she barks.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

Lightning awoke to see Geoff, B and Tyler exchanging football cards at the centre of the room. Justin, Owen and Scott were not in sight.

"Hey sha-guys, where are sha-Justin, sha-Owen and sha-Scott?" asked Lightning.

"They could be having their threesome in private," said Geoff. "But I thought Justin was asexual. Maybe Owen and Scott are paying Justin to join them."

"Wait, didn't Justin have feelings for Courtney once?" Tyler pointed out.

"Justin was aware of the fact that so many fans loved Courtney, and he felt he'd be more popular if the fans thought he was dating Courtney," said Geoff.

"Well sha-Lightning is going to the sha-outhouse to have sha-coitus with himself in the sha-mirror," said Lightning, exiting the boys' cabin.

"The dude loves himself too much," said Geoff. Tyler and B nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Outside Team Red Cabins**

"If we lose today, we're voting off Blaineley," said Heather.

"Good," said Scott. "She's a bitch anyway."

"Wait, wouldn't Izzy start sexually harassing me if Blaineley was eliminated?" Justin asked.

"Oh, she'll move on to Chef Hatchet, Noah or Anne Marie," Heather shrugged. "If she does harass you, I'll convince Team Blue to vote Izzy out."

"In that case I'm in," said Justin.

"I'll vote for Blaineley as well," Owen added. "I'll do anything to please my Justin-poo!" he cooed, winking at Justin. Justin, Scott and Heather looked and Owen with pure terror. Owen immediately realised what he said.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Owen –** "Darn it, why did I say that?!" Owen whines, slapping himself in the face. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

**Justin –** "_**JUSTIN-POO**_?!" shrieks Justin. "What the Hell is wrong with this guy! He has to be the most deranged creature to have ever walked this earth! Can this season get any worse?!" Izzy bursts into the confessional all of a sudden. She seizes Justin by the neck and chirps: "Izzy wants another shower, but this time with an asexual male!" She drags Justin out of the confessional, with the latter yelling "HELP!" as he gets dragged kicking and screaming to his impending doom.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

Cameron awoke to notice that Brick was sitting up on his bed, staring awkwardly at him, Sam, Cody and DJ, who were at the other side of the cabin.

"…why are you, like, staring at us?" Sam asked the cadet.

"Oh, nothing," Brick lied with an evil smile.

"Are you sure, man, because, no offence, it's sort of creepy?" DJ added.

"I'm telling you guys, I'm fine," Brick lied with an evil smile.

"Well, if you say so," said Cody, shrugging.

"Well I'm fine," Brick lied with an evil smile. All of a sudden, Jo burst into the room, marched up to Brick, lifted up Brick's shirt and twisted his nipples. She swaggered out of the room, laughing her ass off. Brick burst into tears and ran off, wailing at the top of his lungs.

"Yeah, he's definitely not okay," said Cody.

"I think we should convince Jo to stop what she's doing," said Cameron. "Or convince Brick to stand up for himself."

"LEAVE ME ALONE, JO! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! …WAAAAAAAH!" The men exchanged bewildered looks. Suddenly, Brick re-entered the room. His face was a wreck from all the tears he shed and all the mucous dripping from his nose.

"G-guys!" sobbed Brick. "It w-was horrible! I t-t-tried to s-stand up to J-Jo! But s-SHE KICKED ME IN THE WILLY! WAAAAAH, I WANT MY MOMMY AND DADDY!" he winged.

"Dude, calm down!" snapped DJ.

"NEVER!" Brick roared, grabbing a stool, smashing it against the window, jumping out through the window and cackling madly as he disappears into the woods.

"I have a bad feeling this is déjà vu," groaned Cameron.

"Relax; knowing him, he's not going to slaughter an intern!" Sam assured Cameron.

All of a sudden, there was the sound of an intern screaming from the bottom of his lungs, and the sound of a chainsaw.

"I spoke too soon," said Sam.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cody –** "That Jo has got to go," Cody whispers. "She keeps bullying Brick and he has turned into a maniac because of that. But Brick should still stand up for himself. Jo isn't as terrifying as she seems, regardless of the fact that I am whispering this confessional." "You know I can still hear you even while you're whispering and I'm right outside the confessional cam," whispers Jo, who is right outside the confessional cam. "Oh crap," whispers Cody, escaping through the small window which is to his left.

**Jo –** "What idiots," Jo chuckles, as she enters the confessional cam. "It's too easy to scare them. Of course, because I'm getting along well with Sierra, who is also Cody's best friend, I won't pulverise him, though a few minor pranks couldn't hurt. I'm just sticking to torturing Brick and Blaineley, or should I say _Mildred_?!" Jo laughs. Blaineley, who is outside, pretends to cough. "Just a second," Jo says, exiting the confessional cam. She and Blaineley enter an epic catfight. Izzy later joins in, misinterpreting the situation.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

Jo entered the cabin; covered in cuts and bruises but content.

"Whoa, what happened to you?" asked Beth.

"Kneed Brick in the balls and beat Mildred in a catfight," Jo boasted. "Oh, and Izzy dragged Mildred off to the woods," she added.

"Well that doesn't surprise me," said Sierra. "I bet I know what they're up to, not that I want to know, though."

"I know I'm going to regret this, but I'll check it out," said Dawn. She sat up on her bed, crossed her legs, held her arms up to V-shaped positions and closed her eyes. Ten seconds later, her eyelids snapped open in absolute horror.

"I take it Izzy is doing something to Blaineley that is not really something you'd put on a kid's TV show," said Katie.

"Trust me, it's a lot worse than what Sierra imagined it would be," Dawn spluttered.

"You know, at one point in my life I wished I had telepathic powers," said Sadie, "but now I'm glad my wish hasn't come true."

"Yes, it does have its disadvantages," Dawn warned. "It's among the many qualities of being a witch which a witch would have mixed feelings about."

"Wait, you're a witch?" asked Beth.

"Yes," said Dawn. "Another disadvantage of being a witch is that in some countries even good witches are burnt at the stake. At least I can kill Chris easily, but I prefer not to use my powers to torture him. That is _too_ easy."

"I see where you're getting at," said Sierra. "Using a knife on Chris is a lot more fun than using a gun."

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Dawn –** "Trust me, being a witch is not always cool," Dawn warns. "Besides the fact that witches are still burnt at the stake in countries like Uganda and Tanzania, your powers could also serve as a hindrance to your mental health at times. I wouldn't recommend using telepathic powers to visualise what Izzy and Mildred are up to, even if you're into femslash, or you are a sick pervert, or both."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

Harold got up out of his bed, went up to Chef Hatchet and tapped the former co-host on the right shoulder. Chef snapped his eyes open, turned his head towards Harold and scowled at the lanky teen.

"What do you want?!" Chef hissed.

"May I venture out to the lavatory?" Harold asked innocently. "I desperately need to urinate, defecate and brush my teeth."

Not less than a second later, Duncan, Alejandro, Ezekiel, Noah and Mike awoke to an uncomfortably loud outburst.

"WHY THE F*** ARE YOU ASKING FOR MY PERMISSION TO GO TO THE F***ING BATHROOM?! I'M NOT HERE TO BABYSIT YOU MAGGOTS! JUST GO TO THE TOILET ALREADY! I WAS PULLED AWAY FROM THE GREATEST WET DREAM OF MY GOD-FORSAKEN LIFE SO FAR THANKS TO YOU, YOU LITTLE C****ER!"

"The term is _Caucasian_!" Harold corrected Chef. "Curse your atrocious vocabulary! GOSH!"

"Alright, shut up!" Duncan ordered. "Both of you! Just shut up!" The delinquent marched up to Harold, grabbed the nerd by the neck and threw him out of the cabin. "There, problem solved," said Duncan, rubbing his hands.

"You're a lifesaver, Duncan," Noah mused. "This cabin has gotten a lot worse ever since 'the wise samurai of knowledge' moved in. We have to vote him off next."

"Actually, amigo, I have a better idea," said Alejandro. "Will you follow me to the back of the cabin to talk strategy?"

"No," said Noah.

"Why not?" asked Alejandro, pretending to be hurt by Noah's rejection vibes.

"First of all, I don't like you," said Noah. "Second of all, I don't trust you."

"I see," hissed Alejandro.

"I'll follow you, eh," said Ezekiel.

"No, I think you should go play with Harold," Alejandro quickly said.

"Okay, eh," said Ezekiel, walking out of the cabin to find Harold.

"Chef, will you be willing to talk strategy?" asked Alejandro.

"I don't want to," Chef coldly replied. "But I also don't want to end up being the odd man out, so why not?"

Alejandro smiled as Chef followed him outside.

"Is it me, or are Chef and Alejandro going to form an alliance?" asked Mike.

"I guess so," shrugged Duncan, climbing back to his bed. "Why?" he asked.

"Everyone should know by now that Alejandro is a threat," said Mike, "and anyone who allies with him will also become a threat."

"Chef has _always_ been a threat," Noah assured Mike. "So why should I be surprised that he's allying with Alejandro?"

"Good point," said Mike.

* * *

**Outside Team Blue Cabins**

"I've noticed your deep hatred of Ezekiel," Alejandro explained. "So I've been wondering if you are willing to join my alliance and vote out Ezekiel the next time we lose."

"There'd better not be a catch," Chef hissed.

"There's no catch," Alejandro assured the former co-host. "As a matter of fact, I am just as desperate in voting out the redneck as you are. If it weren't for him, I'd still have my million and I would never have been in a robot suit nor gone bald. It was only a week ago that my hair has grown to it's gorgeous, original length. No offense," the Latino quickly added, when he noticed that Chef is bald.

"Whatever," said Chef, "but if there is a catch, you'll lose a testicle. It's not a treat. It's a promise."

"Please," Alejandro replied, rolling his eyes, "I'd very much prefer to keep all five." Chef gave his fellow camper weird looks when he realised that the latter wasn't joking. There was an awkward silence between the two.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Ezekiel –** "I'm so proud to be on a team that appreciates me, eh," says Ezekiel. "We're like one big happy family, eh."

**Noah –** "Our team probably has the most drama, yet we haven't been to a single elimination ceremony," Noah muses.

**(Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

"Where is Elisa?" Lindsay curiously asked.

"Oh you mean Izzy?" Gwen replied. "You don't want to know."

"Unfortunately, we all have an idea what Izzy is doing!" groaned Anne Marie, spraying her fake tan all over her body. "She and that Mildred really need to get a room!"

"There's your answer, Lindsay," sighed Gwen, annoyed that Anne Marie answered for Lindsay.

"At least they're not doing it in our cabin," Zoey pointed out. "Besides, it's not like she's going to shift someone else."

All of a sudden, Justin can be heard screaming bloody murder from outside. The girls sprinted over to the window to see what the commotion was. As it was, Izzy was chasing after Justin as she was waving a condom in the air.

"You were saying?" demanded Anne Marie, glaring at Zoey.

"Nobody cares about Justin, so I doubt we should be worried," said Bridgette.

"Well _I_ care about Justin," snapped Anne Marie. "He's dreamy," the _Jersey Shore_ fan-girl swooned.

"You do realise he's asexual," Zoey informed her.

"Sure, try to steal my man again, like when you stole Vito from me," Anne Marie sneered.

"You're just never going to let this go, are you?" Zoey rolled her eyes.

"You can count on it," Anne Marie bluntly replied.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Zoey** – "Seriously, what is Anne Marie's problem?" Zoey wonders. "She fantasises over an asexual, mentally believes that Vito is real and watches _Jersey Shore_. Knowing her, she probably watches _Hannah Montana_ as well."

**Anne Marie –** "Oh, that Hannah Montana from _Hannah Montana _is even hotter than Justin and Vito combined," Anne Marie swooned.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Mess Hall**

Chris slipped into the mess hall where the contestants were choking down Ms Scratcher's slop.

"So campers, how is your summer treating you?" Chris asked.

"Don't you f***ing remind me you little bastard!" snarled Justin. "If only I had read that contract! Then I'd be in Hawaii getting much needed sun tan rather than freezing to death up here!" he added.

"Hindsight is going to get you nowhere," Noah interjected, "especially since you cannot read."

"I can too read!" growled Justin, taking out a colourful book intended for toddlers. "Now let's see what that symbol means," Justin thought out loud, pointing his right index finger at the letter O, which was in bold and was three times the size of the other letters on the page. Noah rolled his eyes at Justin's stupidity and asked:

"Okay, Chris, what's the challenge?"

"Thought you'd never asked," smiled Chris. "Today's challenge is about the one reason why most kids these days love the summer months so much. That's right. We're doing a challenge based on school!"

"He can't be serious," groaned Gwen.

"Too bad I am," Chris smiled. "Now follow me!"

* * *

**Prefab Outside Mess Hall**

"Campers, you're challenge is to sit in your seats and behave yourselves," Chris explained, as he lured the contestants into the prefab. "The contestants in the two teams with the worst records of behaviour get a thirty-five page write-out on student behaviour which is to be completed by tomorrow and the team with the worst behavioural record will also send someone home. The winning team gets no write-out. Now go take your seats and sit with your teams. Ms Scratcher will be in here in a minute to supervise you and record your behaviour."

There were eighteen desks divided equally into three rows, and each desk has the capacity to seat two people. Team Red took the desks to the left, Team Blue took the desks to the middle and Team Green took the desks to the right. When Chris left and all of the contestants were seated, Ms Scratcher burst into the room with a scowl on her face, steam emerging from her ears and her fingers almost covering her face.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" roared Ms Scratcher, slamming the door behind her.

"We're already seated," Noah muttered.

"NOAH!" barked Ms Scratcher. "I WILL GIVE YOUR TEAM A TWENTY PAGE WRITE-OUT THE NEXT TIME YOU TALK OUT OF TURN! NOW GET TO THE FRONT OF YOUR ROW WHERE I CAN SEE YOU!" Noah scowled as he moved in beside Ezekiel and Harold, causing the three to be squeezed in one desk.

"YOUR CHALLENGE BEGINS NOW!" barked Ms Scratcher. "NOW I WANT NO TALKING, NO WHISPERING, NO SKITTING, NO LAUGHING, NO TEXTING, NO MOBILE PHONES, NO LAPTOP, NO IPODS, NO ELECTRONICS WHATSOEVER! IF ANYONE STEPS OUT OF LINE, I'LL PUT AN 'X' NEXT TO THE NAME OF THEIR TEAM ON THE BLACKBORD! I WILL ADD TEN 'X'S TO ANY TEAM FOR EVERY TIME I HAVE TO THROW A TEAM MEMBER OUT OF THE CLASSROOM! BY THE END OF THE THREE HOURS, THE TEAM WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF 'X'S GETS NO WRITE-OUT AND THE TEAM WITH THE MOST 'X'S SENDS SOMEONE HOME! NOW SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"

* * *

The next three hours were a living Hell for each and every student. In the first hour, Ms Scratcher threw Ezekiel, Owen, Scott, Katie and Sadie out of the prefab. Obviously, Ezekiel kept picking his nose, and every time he did, he ate the mucous; Katie and Sadie wouldn't stop whispering to each other; Owen unleashed a fart that was so loud and so smelly that everyone was glad that the lovable tub-of-lard was sitting at the very back of the class and that there was an open window right behind him; and Scott was not sitting at any desk (in fairness, Scott was in a wheelchair, so he couldn't sit at any desk). In addition, Ms Scratcher confiscated Anne Marie's fake-tan sprayer, added five 'X's to Team Blue's name on the board when Duncan discretely told a dirty joke to Zoey, Mike, Gwen and Bridgette, plus five more because of Izzy's antics, and destroyed Justin's mirror and then threw him out of the prefab for giving out. By the second hour Team Red had thirty-one 'X's, Team Blue had twenty-one and Team Green had twenty.

There was more trouble happening in the second hour, however. Team Green and Team Red had their number of 'X's doubled and Team Blue had their number of 'X's tripled. Izzy dragged Blaineley out of the classroom to have coitus, thus earning ten more 'X's for both Team Red and Team Blue. Izzy also sustained fifteen more 'X's for her team. After gaining seven more 'X's, Ms Scratcher finally threw Duncan out of the prefab. Lightning randomly exclaimed "SHA-BAM", "SHA-BOOM" or "SHA-LIGHTNING" eleven times altogether and he was eventually thrown out the door. At one point, Ms Scratcher demanded to know what Sierra was sketching into her A4 copy, and subsequently threw the purple-haired girl out of the classroom for sketching booby traps tailor-made for Chris. Ms Scratcher also threw out Dawn simply because she was a witch.

"SO FAR, TEAM GREEN HAS FORTY 'X'S!" Ms Scratcher barked. "TEAM RED HAS SIX-TWO 'X'S AND TEAM BLUE HAS SIXTY-THREE 'X'S! YE CAN HAVE A TWENTY MINUTE BREAK! ANYONE WHO IS LATE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED BACK INTO CLASS!"

* * *

**Outside Prefab**

"Our team has the most 'X's, but that could only be a good thing," Alejandro informed Chef. "We can vote out Ezekiel as planned."

"Then we'd better get more maggots to vote with us," Chef replied.

"Oh yeah," said Alejandro. "I'll go convince the guys while you convince the girls." Chef nodded before he and Alejandro parted.

* * *

**Male Communal Washroom**

Noah and Mike were washing their hands by the sinks while Duncan was carving his skull into the wall when Alejandro approached them.

"Chef and I are voting out Ezekiel," Alejandro confirmed.

"And Mike, Duncan and I are voting out you," Noah replied, walking over to the hand-dryer.

"But-" Alejandro protested.

"No buts!" snapped Noah. "You're a slippery eel and nobody on this island loves you except for Ezekiel, Chef, Chris and probably Heather."

"Let's be reasonable amigos," Alejandro tried to explain.

"Don't call me amigo," Duncan threatened. "As much as I hate Chef, I am also not comfortable with you being on the same island. I know you're going to cause more trouble."

"Mike, help me out here," Alejandro begged.

"Sorry, but I don't want to," said Mike.

Alejandro rolled his eyes. "F*** you, you shower of wankers!" he jeered before stamping out of the washroom. Mike, Noah and Duncan were unfazed by the Latino's insult.

* * *

**Outside Team Blue Cabin**

Bridgette, Gwen and Zoey were playing Monopoly on a stump just outside the cabin. Lindsay was reading a fashion magazine. Anne Marie, who managed to get her spray-can back from Ms Scratcher, was smooching her spray-can like she had some spray-can fetish or something. Izzy still hasn't returned from shifting Mildred in the woods.

"So girls, who are you going to vote for," Chef wondered.

"Alejandro," Zoey, Gwen and Bridgette replied in unison.

"Why not Ezekiel?" Chef asked. "Isn't he sexist?"

"He's not as much of a threat as Alejandro," Gwen replied.

"We prefer to have a sexist on our team than a conniving asshole," Zoey replied.

"And other than Alejandro, you're the biggest threat," said Bridgette.

"Okay then," said Chef. "Lindsay, who are you voting for?"

"I vote for Obama to win," said Lindsay.

"What about you, Anne Marie?" asked Chef.

"You, because you are creepy and ugly and you were married to Chris," snarled Anne Marie. "Now get lost!" she ordered, spraying fake tan in Chef's face. Chef screamed and ran before the tan became more evident on his cheeks.

* * *

**Outside Prefab**

"I'm guessing we should probably just try to win," Chef told Alejandro, when they met up back outside the prefab.

"I second that," Alejandro agreed. "And you might want to get that spray tan off your face," he added. Chef nodded and rushed to the communal washrooms.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Alejandro –** "Okay, so I guess eliminating Ezekiel is going to be tougher than I thought," Alejandro ponders. "I could make Ezekiel do things that will disturb the rest of my teammates, but I don't know how. I'm just going to have to make sure our team doesn't come in last."

**Bridgette –** "I can't believe that asshole has teamed up with that other asshole," Bridgette groans. "Once Ale-hand-job Dead-ass is gone Chef will be the next person to go. Yes, Ezekiel's comments also offend me, but he's just ignorant. He'll get over it someday."

**Ezekiel –** "I love being on Team Blue," the oblivious Ezekiel beams, "especially since Alejandro is being so nice to me, eh. And I love Mexicans because they are funny, eh."

**Noah –** "I really don't want to do a write-out but if we do lose, at least we can lose that eel," says Noah. "Sure, Zeke is unintelligent and possibly a threat to my mental health, but at least he's not a threat to my chances of becoming a millionaire. Anyway, why does this toilet seat feel wet?" The bookworm gets up and gets a shock when he notices a yellow substance right where he sat. "Okay, he has got to go as soon as Alejandro and Harold have been eliminated," Noah groans.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Outside Team Red Cabin**

Tyler, Geoff, Dakota, LeShawna and B were dancing to _Gangnam Style _when Justin approached Lightning, who was having his daily one-way on the steps behind the dancers.

"Lightning, can I talk to you behind the cabin?" Justin asked the jock.

"Uh-uh!" snapped Lightning. "Lightning wants to sex up the sha-Lightning! Sha-LIGHTNING!"

"You can get back to that in a minute," snapped Justin, who was now more disturbed by Lightning's over-self-confidence than by the odd dance performed by B, Dakota, Geoff, LeShawna and Tyler. "I just need a favour from you."

"Naw-uh!" snapped Lightning. "Go away, sha-Justin! Lightning doesn't sha-socialise with sha-ugly sha-people! Sha-BAM!"

Justin burst into tears and ran to the back of the cabin, where Heather, Owen and Scott were sitting around waiting for him.

"Alright Justin, don't leave us in suspenders," Heather scoffed, indifferent to Justin's sadness. "Is Lightning voting with us or not?"

"No!" Justin sobbed. "And I don't want him in our alliance!" The model paused to blow his nose and added: "He called me ugly!" Heather face-palmed in response, but Scott had an idea.

"Justin, you're not ugly," the ginger assured him. "You're just an idiot. I'll get him to vote with us." With that, the white-trashed dude wheeled off where Lightning was doing something in public which should be done behind closed doors.

"Lightning-" Scott began.

"Can't you sha-see that sha-Lightning is trying to shag sha-Lightning?!" demanded a fed-up Lightning.

"Well then you're going to get AIDS soon," Scott sneered, grabbing Lightning by the arm and dragging him inside the male side of the cabin. Just after they entered the cabin, Eva came storming out of the female side with bloodshot eyes; hatchet in hand.

"TURN OFF THIS F***ING MUSIC BEFORE I CHOP YOU ALL INTO BITS AND SPREAD THEM ALL OVER THE GANGNAM DISTRICT!" Eva bellowed, prompting Geoff to grab his iPod and docking station and flee, along with LeShawna, Tyler, B and Dakota. Eva grunted before returning to her room.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Eva –** "As much as I love that song, I will not tolerate any noise while I am trying to get some sleep!" Eva hisses.

**LeShawna –** "Okay, that girl has got to start taking meds," LeShawna states. "If her random outbursts keep going on, she'll be the next one to go once Scott, Lightning, Heather and Blaineley are gone."

**Heather –** "Justin is a freak!" Heather shrieks. "I can't believe he'd have a nervous breakdown over some brainless whack job stating the obvious!"

**Justin –** Justin is still wailing over Lightning's insult.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

Scott pushed Lightning onto his bed and said: "Just in case you were wondering, I am not going to shift you, so you can breathe a sigh of relief! In fact, I don't even _want_ to look at you. But I have a plan to get rid of the most annoying person on our team. With that jerk gone, our team will be stronger. Vote with us, and I will give you credit for every time our team wins in future challenges. What do you think?"

"What if sha-Lightning doesn't vote with you?!" Lightning demanded.

"Well then, I can assure you that sha-Lightning will be the next sha-one to go," Scott threatened.

"Sha-fine!" growled Lightning. "Lightning will vote with you. But there is no way Lightning is joining your sha-alliance!"

"Fine by me," said Scott.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "This is why Heather should've sent _me_ instead of that douchebag to get that other douchebag to vote with us in the first place," Scott points out. "I am more assertive, and it would also save us a lot of time and effort."

**Lightning –** "Sha-Lightning doesn't need to vote with sha-Scott and sha-Heather's alliance to carry his team," Lightning states. "But sha-Lightning needs to vote with sha-Scott and sha-Heather's alliance to not be the next one to go. Sha-LIGHTNING!"

**(Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Outside Team Green Cabins**

Cody went up to Sierra and sat down next to her.

"Those are lovely pictures," Cody stated, gazing into Sierra's copy. Sierra smiled and replied:

"Oh, why thank you, Cody! I hope you don't find them too disturbing."

"Not at all," Cody assured his former stalker. "They're hilarious. Why don't you start a comic strip?"

"I'm working on it," Sierra beamed. "I'm waiting on contracts from magazine and newspaper editors worldwide that absolutely hate Chris McLean. Unfortunately, there are only a few out there," she sighed, "and most of them are from Quebec."

"I didn't know they hated Chris in Quebec," Cody stated.

"Well they do," Sierra informed the geek. "The province has less than a fifth of the country's population, but from those last couple of years of looking for your addresses, only Cameron, Heather and Izzy are from Quebec. Also, I'm from Quebec, and my cousin has an uncle in the Quebecois government. That's only four, when it should be seven or eight."

"I can see why," said Cody. "Especially after what Chris did to you."

While Cody and Sierra continued on with their conversation, they were unaware of a certain crazy soldier glaring at them from the shadows; sound recorder in hand.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Brick –** The cadet plays back Sierra and Cody's conversation on the sound recorder with an evil smile. "Were you listening to this?!" Brick smirks evilly when the recording ends, holding up the device. "Good, because I'm going to be using this against them! Chris may be stupidly indifferent to Sierra's plans to slaughter him, but he won't like Sierra drawing up cartoons about him! Even when she has the backing of her precious province!" He laughs evilly until Jo bursts in, snaps the sound recorder from his hand, crushes it in her fists and walks out snickering. "Nice try, wimp!" Jo jeers before she leaves. Brick sobs as a result of his failure.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Prefab**

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" roared Ms Scratcher. She waited for Noah to rudely remind her that everyone in the prefab was seated, but he knew better this time to keep his mouth closed. Ms Scratcher growled and sat down at her desk where she scribbled into her crosswords book. Noah smirked to himself.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "Like I was going to give her any satisfaction," Noah explains.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

The class was silent.

Suddenly, Blaineley burst into the classroom with a scowl. Ms Scratcher looked up from her crossword puzzles and glared at her.

"WELL, LOOK WHO DECIDED TO JOIN US?!" Ms Scratcher sarcastically stated. "YOU HAVE BEEN THROWN OUT OF THE PREFAB! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"Can it, tranny!" snarled Blaineley. "I'm here to participate in this challenge!"

"WELL YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED BACK IN!" Ms Scratcher snarled back. "I DON'T CARE IF IZZY DRAGGED YOU OUT! YOU COULD'VE RESISTED!"

"WELL AT LEAST MY NAME WASN'T WILLY WHEN I HAD A C*CK, YOU TRANSGENDERED BITCH!" Blaineley howled. Everyone in the prefab gasped in unison.

"THAT'S IT!" Ms Scratcher bellowed. "THE CHALLENGE IS OVER! TEAM GREEN WINS WITH NO WRITE-OUT! TEAM RED IS SENDING SOMEONE HOME, AND THEY, ALONG WITH TEAM BLUE, WILL HAVE THEIR WRITE-OUTS DONE BY TOMORROW MORNING BEFORE THE CHALLENGE BEGINS!"

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "Mildred," Heather smirks, "you have sealed your fate!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"Back again, huh Team Red?" Chris sneered. "How does it feel to suck after two episodes of not sucking?"

Eva had had enough. "SHUT UP AND GET IT OVER WITH!" she barked.

"Fine," Chris defiantly replied, "get my hair wet with your spit why don't ya? There are only eleven marshmallows on this plate. The camper who does not get a marshmallow must immediately get their stuff, get on the Hurl of Shame and be flung over to Playa des Losers. The campers who got no votes are Heather, Geoff, Tyler, B, Dakota, Lightning, Justin and LeShawna." Eva and Owen began to panic. Scott and Blaineley didn't seem to care.

"Eva: you lost your cool when some of your teammates were dancing to _Gangnam Style_," said Chris. "Owen, your presence is a health hazard, and you have this fetish with an asexual. Scott, you're an all-round dickhead, and Blaineley, you are a bitch. Period. But one of you were still lucky enough to have racked up only two votes, and that person is Eva." Eva sighed with relief as she caught her marshmallow. "Scott, despite getting three votes, you are safe," said Chris. Scott smiled deviously as he caught his marshmallow. "That leaves Blaineley, the bitch, and Owen, the obese oaf. With a grand total of four votes, the person who's going home is…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…not Blaineley!" Blaineley caught her marshmallow with an evil smile. Heather gasped at this.

"How could this happen?!" Heather protested. "We had five votes against Mildred!"

"Well as it turns out, you only had three votes against 'Mildred'!" jeered Mildred, air-quoting the word 'Mildred'.

"Wait, does that mean?!" Owen shrieked.

"That it does, Owen, that it does," Chris beamed. "You've been eliminated!" Owen burst into tears.

"Oh, Owen, I'm so sorry!" Justin gasped melodramatically.

Owen stopped crying and glared at Justin with veins popping in his eyes. "YOU'RE NOT SORRY AT ALL, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!" Owen roared. "YOU WERE BEHIND THIS WEREN'T YA?! ADMIT IT!"

"Okay, you caught me," Justin boasted.

"I'LL GET YOU, JUSTIN, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!" roared Owen, as Chris led him over to the catapult while interns brought along his luggage. "IF IT'S THE LAST F***ING THING I DO!" Owen turned to everyone else and said: "Make sure that asshole doesn't win! I'll be rooting for ya!"

"Will do, Owen!" Tyler cheered.

"Your spirit will remain with us forever!" Geoff barked.

"Guys, you'll see him again!" groaned Scott, rolling away. Everyone ignored him, as they did with Justin and Blaineley as they waved Owen goodbye. Once the luggage was in the catapult, Owen jumped in. Unfortunately, an intern got his hands caught under Owen's bum. The intern's cries for help fell on deaf ears as Chris pulled the lever, flinging Owen, his luggage and the intern all the way over to Playa des Losers.

"So I'm still here!" Blaineley bragged. "And it feels so good!"

"And I won't be shifted by anyone again!" Justin boasted. All of a sudden, Izzy showed up and dragged Blaineley and Justin to the woods for a three-way. Everyone ignored their pleas for assistance.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "Yeah, we voted out Owen," Scott smirked. "The longer he stays here, the greater the likelihood I'll run out of pants."

**Blaineley –** "I knew I wasn't going if I could help it," barked Blaineley.

**Lightning –** "I did what Scott told me to do and I voted out sha-Owen," said Lightning. "Sha-LIGHTNING!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Behind Team Red Cabin**

"I specifically told you guys to vote out _Blaineley_!" Heather hissed. Heather's alliance – minus Owen because of the elimination results – were standing outside the cabin five minutes after Izzy was done molesting Justin and Blaineley.

"Well one day you'll thank us for voting behind your back!" Scott hissed back. "I've lost three pairs of jeans thanks to that tub of lard!"

"Plus, the fatso's an endangerment to my beauty!" Justin added.

"But Owen is in our alliance," Heather protested.

"Correction: he _was_ in our alliance," Justin bragged. Heather scowled.

"Think about it, Heather," Scott interjected. "I manipulated Lightning to vote for who I wanted. He wanted no part in our alliance, but he technically is now, whether he likes it or not. I'll get him to vote for whoever this alliance is voting out from now on, on the pain of elimination."

"Okay, fine, you guys are forgiven," Heather sighed. "But how do you propose we dominate now that Owen is gone?!"

"Eva and LeShawna want Blaineley gone as well," said Justin. "With her gone, we'll target Eva, and when she's gone, we'll target LeShawna. Then we'll have an advantage in this team."

"Good idea," said Heather, but she still wasn't happy, and added: "but if you guys so dare to vote behind my back again, I-"

"You will kill us in our sleeps, yadda, yadda!" groaned Scott, dismissively. "I'm going for a walk."

"You mean a roll?" Heather asked.

"Yes," Scott grunted, rolling off towards the area behind the washrooms.

* * *

**Playa des Losers**

Courtney and Trent finally managed to convince Staci to come out of her room and converse with them outside on the barstools while _Hall of Fame _by The Script played in the background. Normally, Trent and Courtney found Staci annoying, but they felt they were isolating her. Besides, Staci has finally stopped cackling like a maniac and was now back to her annoyingly talkative self. Even though most of what came out of the girl's mouth were lies, Staci was finally sharing real-life events, probably because there were no cameras around. Nevertheless, she was still trying to get over her tendency to tell fibs about her ancestors – though some of them are intended as jokes – and Trent is still on the way to being cured from his number nine obsession.

Then an intern with webbed hands slammed on the concrete a few feet away from the trio. The intern mustered enough strength to pick himself up. However, by the time he was on one knee and both hands were still on the ground, Owen landed right on top of him, crushing the life, blood and guts out of the intern.

"Hey Owen," beamed Trent. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Hey guys!" Owen beamed. "Too bad I was wrongly eliminated thanks to some bollocks named Justin. I swear to God, I will never love an asshole like Justin again."

"Good for you," Courtney smiled. "He's known for breaking hearts. At least the food is delicious."

"I know," smiled Owen. "But since there's a dead intern underneath me, and I've been eating interns on Wawanawkwa." He ripped the head off the corpse and popped it in his mouth, farting afterwards. The air-conditioning prevented the smell from getting to Courtney, Staci and Trent.

"My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother invented cannibalism," Staci joked. "Before that, humans had nothing to eat but prickly cacti in the deserts. How sad."

Trent, Staci, Owen and Courtney laughed in unison at that joke.

* * *

**Behind Communal Washrooms**

"You are lucky I can stand you more than I can stand Owen," Scott growled.

"Well you did the right thing," beamed Blaineley. "Thanks for saving me by the way."

"Whatever," Scott replied, rolling his eyes. "But we'll keep Heather on for longer, as well as Justin and Lightning. Let's vote out B next. I know he's up to something."

"Good idea," smiled Blaineley. All of a sudden, Izzy showed up.

"Wow, two homosexuals of opposite sexes having a conversation!" Izzy chirped. "Izzy wants a threesome with two homosexuals of opposite sexes!"

"Well lay off!" Scott ordered. "You're not getting it!"

"Aw, but Izzy wants a threesome with two homosexuals of opposite sexes!" Izzy protested. Then she shoved Blaineley on to Scott's lap and rolled the wheelchair off into the woods, much to the annoyance of the two homosexuals of the opposite sexes.

* * *

**Well… that was disturbing, wasn't it? But at least Owen won't be defecating on Scott anymore, or riding Justin. Of course, Izzy riding Justin, Blaineley or Scott is equally disturbing, and it won't be long before she's riding the rest of the campers.**

**Owen is a great character to write, but only in the first few chapters of a story. Also, I wanted to stir up more drama in Team Red (even though it already had plenty of it, though most of it was disturbing) and keep Blaineley for longer. At least Owen will be great craic in Playa de Losers. This has got to be the most divided elimination ceremony I've written for this story so far. Speaking of which:**

**VOTING RESULTS:**

**B – Scott (he still remembers Scott's actions from TDROTI)**

**Blaineley – Owen**

**Dakota – Scott (she still remembers Scott's actions from TDROTI)**

**Eva – Blaineley**

**Geoff – Eva (she terrified him after the **_**Gangnam Style**_** incident)**

**Heather – Blaineley**

**Justin – Owen**

**LeShawna – Blaineley**

**Lightning – Owen**

**Owen – Scott (he viewed Scott as an obstacle to his relationship between himself and Justin, before he realised who Justin really is)**

**Scott – Owen**

**Tyler – Eva (she terrified him after the **_**Gangnam Style**_** incident)**

**OWEN: 4**

**BLAINELEY: 3**

**SCOTT: 3**

**EVA: 2**

**ELIMINATED: Staci, Courtney, Trent and Owen.**

**I will be having exams in four modules over the first three weeks in December, so I won't be able to start work on the next chapter until after Christmas Day. Expect an update before 2012 is over. And to all those people out there, who believe that the world will end on the 21****st**** of December, please think about. The world didn't end when it became the year 2000 and the computers still aren't screwed up in any way whatsoever. If against all odds it **_**does**_** end, which I'm certain it won't, I'm sure they have the internet in Heaven.**


	5. Day 5: A Very Creepy Christmas

**Okay, before I get on with this story, I have a very important message: It's about the rating of **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**. I had a poll about the rating system. I know I didn't inform you of this in the previous chapter, but that was published around a month ago, so you've had plenty of time to vote. I also gave ye notice in my other story, **_**My Big Fat Creepy Roommate**_**, and some of you have already read my profile page over the past five weeks, so you've had plenty of notice.**

**Anyway, I closed the poll, so the results are in. In a 5-2 vote, there is a majority in favour of bringing the rating up to 'M'. So by the time the sixth chapter is up, this story will be found in the 'M'-rated section. I originally planned to keep the poll up for a few more weeks, but then a dirty idea for this story came to mind. There will also be incidents in this chapter that are deep in 'M'-rated territory, so you may very well see how right it is to bring it up to 'M'.**

**By the way, I have noticed that I have gotten Anne Maria's name horribly wrong, calling her 'Anne Marie' instead. Normally, because of my OCD, I would freak out, but I've decided that I don't give a damn. She gets on my nerves sometimes. Also, I apologise for not having this story up by Christmas Day. So take this update as a belated Christmas present.**

**WARNING: More disgusting scenarios will occur, and some scenes may very well offend some American readers.**

**And now I will reply to the reviews:**

**Malzi21 – Glad you're enjoying Izzy's participation in this story. I agree, poor Zeke. This story will no longer be rated 'T'.**

**Kyrogue23 – Owen will always be disturbing in my stories. In fact, I wouldn't recommend reading any of my stories that involve Owen. You want Harold and Eva to make it to the end? We'll see how well they'll fare, though considering the **_**Gangnam Style**_** incident, Eva is probably in trouble.**

**TotalDramaWreck – I'll always enjoy your reviews. I too am proud of myself for the way Team Red are turning out, and I'm glad Scott's two-timing ways appeal to you. We'll see how loyal Scott will remain towards Blaineley, but for now, let's just hope Heather never finds out what Scott is up to behind her back. I share your hatred of Mildred. This is why I have Izzy stalk her. You may be right on the Chef-Alejandro alliance not lasting because even if they do succeed on getting Ezekiel voted out, what happens then? Unfortunately, this fic hasn't seen the last of Owen, and if you think Owen as a cannibal is disturbing, then just be glad you were never one of those tribes in Papua New Guinea a few decades ago. With so many evil people on this show, you are definitely going to be surprised by who the main antagonist of this fic is. About the rating of this story, I'm sad to say this fic will no longer be rated 'T'. Seventy-one per cent were in favour of bringing up the rating. Yes, if it was at 'T', this fic would get more readers. But at least I could make it funnier. Anyway, there will be more funny stuff, but also more strategy and drama. Let's hope they will appeal to you as well.**

**TheGunmaster – Glad you liked how I'm depicting Justin and Lightning. And don't worry about Ezekiel; what's going on with him will make sense within the next few chapters. But this story may get more disturbing, so be glad I'm bringing the rating up to 'M'.**

**So anyway, I will now continue on with the story, and let's hope there will be laughs rather than nightmares. Enjoy!**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 5: A Very Creepy Christmas

* * *

"Last time on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "Yesterday was much better than the day the before yesterday, probably because Ezekiel probably wasn't so racist. On the other hand, Izzy kept sexually harassing three of the contestants and now we're getting angry letters from parents worldwide, blaming us for their under-aged children doing… something anyway. I still don't regret not editing this. Anyway, yesterday's challenge was based around student behaviour, and until Blaineley burst into the prefab, I never thought Ms Scratcher would get this livid! Oh Mildred, you silly bitch! So Team Red lost, and Blaineley was so close to getting eliminated. But thanks to a scheming Scott and a desperate Justin, it was Owen that got the boot. Well it was about time! Owen was getting creepy, but he just had to eat an intern! Sick bastard! Anyway, how will Heather react if she were to find out that Scott was also working with Blaineley? When will Brick be at a point when Jo has really pushed him too far? And what is up with Ezekiel?! Seriously, the guy knows eight languages, yet he still sits on an adult's lap for non-sexual reasons and cannot get with the times already! All in good time, because now there will be more drama in this most exciting episode yet, of TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED!"

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

"Finally, I've completed my write out!" beamed Harold. He has been sitting on the floor doing his write-out all night. All of the other males in the cabin, who got no sleep whatsoever because Harold kept the light on, glared daggers at him.

"Whoop-tee-doo for you," Noah sneered; bags were under his eyes, much like everyone else in the cabin. "You'll be the teacher's pet in no time!"

"You don't need to be an anus about it Noah, GOSH!" groaned Harold.

"He has every right to be an anus, doofus!" snarled Duncan. "We couldn't sleep thanks to you!"

"Last night wasn't the time to sleep!" Harold defended himself. "It was the time to be doing your write-out for the challenge tomorrow! Curse the general laziness of this cabin! GOSH!"

"C'mon Harold, that write-out has to be thirty-five pages long!" Mike moaned. "We just couldn't be bothered with it! And what is Ms Scratcher or Chris going to do about it anyway?"

"I'll have you know that he'll eliminate anyone who fails to have their write-out completed before the next challenge commences, IDIOT!" Harold informed him.

"What if you were the _only_ one who bothered to do that write-out, hmm?" Alejandro demanded.

"Oh," said Harold, "well on second thought, I guess it _was_ pointless to do that write-out."

"Yeah, especially since you were keeping us up all night, maggot!" Chef snapped. "Do you even realise what the lack of sleep can do to me?!"

"Well I'm not affected, eh," Ezekiel spoke up. "One time, I was up for three days and two nights with no sleep whatsoever, working out on the fields at home, eh. I can also sleep with the lights on, eh."

"See, Alejandro? This is why we're not voting out Ezekiel the next time we lose," Noah stated.

"What did he say?" Ezekiel demanded. He was staring at Alejandro, who was now panicking. Especially since Ezekiel did not say 'eh' at the end of that question.

"Um… nothing, amigo," lied Alejandro. "Noah's just trying to ruin our friendship. Don't mind him. He was just being a fucking eejit as usual."

"No, Noah's speaking the truth," Duncan told Ezekiel. "Alejandro and Chef want you gone."

"SHUT UP, PRETTY BOY!" Chef snarled at Duncan, but Duncan ignored him.

"Take my word for it, Zeke," said Duncan. Noah and Mike nodded in agreement.

Ezekiel was lost for words. He looked at Alejandro, who he thought was his amigo, and Chef, who he thought he could trust, in horror. "Well, I… I… um…" Ezekiel stammered. He sighed, got up out of bed, and left the cabin.

Alejandro and Chef looked at each other, and then at Duncan, Harold, Mike and Noah, who were glaring at Alejandro and Chef.

"Well congratulations," Noah jeered. "You've made it easier for us to decide who we're going to vote out in the next chapter."

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "I don't know how a team as dysfunctional as us has managed to avoid an elimination ceremony for four episodes straight," says Noah. "Well our not-losing streak is probably coming to an end."

**Duncan –** "I still want to vote out Harold the next chance we get," says Duncan. "Alejandro and Chef are jerks, but I think the longer they stay, the guiltier they will get. Besides, Harold is creepy and condescending. The longer he stays, the greater the likelihood I'll become mentally scarred for life. This is why I've been bullying him for the past four and a half seasons."

**Mike –** "I'm definitely voting out Chef next," says Mike. "I've had enough of him already, especially how he was such an asshole to us last season. But Alejandro is still high on my list of people to vote out. If I had a personality that could beat the crap out of Alejandro, I'd let that personality let him have it."

**Alejandro –** "Great, now that Ezekiel is aware of my true intentions, I may not be able to execute my revenge against him!" Alejandro growls. "I bet he could be plotting against me right this very minute!"

**Ezekiel –** Ezekiel sighs. He is still upset about the revelations.

**Chef –** "Great, now I'm in trouble!" Chef groans. "But I have my reasons for planning on the prairie kid's elimination! It's his fault for being stereotypical of my race, religion and sexuality! Besides, I don't think I'm on the chopping block just yet! The scrawny kid should be worrying! He kept us up all night doing some shit that gets him nowhere and he eats paste!"

**Harold –** "I probably shouldn't have done that write-out," Harold mumbles, stuffing paste into his mouth.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

Gwen awoke and yawned. "Man, it was hard to sleep with that write-out at the back of my mind," she yawned. "At least none of us did it."

"Ms Scratcher will be getting no write-out from me," said Anne Maria, who was slowly licking her spray can, much to Gwen's horror. "I'm still mad at her for touching my spray can."

"Yeah," said Gwen, cringing. "Anyway, not that I don't care about your relationship between yourself and your spray can, but can you please find less creepy ways to express your love for that thing?"

"No," said Anne Maria, stubbornly. "This spray can is my baby and I'll lick it like my poodle licks her cute vagina, sista!"

"I didn't really need to hear that, Anne Maria," said Gwen, rolling her eyes. Lindsay, Bridgette and Zoey awoke, also to see what Anne Maria was doing that disturbed Gwen.

"Ew, Andy Mandy!" groaned Lindsay. "You use that to make yourself smell pretty, you don't lick it!"

"It's _Anne Maria_, Blondie!" snapped Anne Maria. "Get it right."

"No, I'm a brunette," Lindsay corrected Anne Maria. "I dyed my hair blonde."

"Well, at least Anne Maria loves her possessions," said Zoey, sarcastically.

"You got that right, Red," said Anne Maria. "Besides, I'm pretty sure weirder things are happening right now on Izzy's bed."

"What could be weirder than what you're doing?" Zoey wondered. Bridgette dared herself to get up out of her bed, walk over to Izzy and Anne Maria's bunk and pull the covers off of Izzy's bed. A horrible sight met her eyes.

"This is what could be weirder than what Anne Maria is doing!" Bridgette groaned. She, Gwen, Lindsay, Zoey and Anne Maria watched in sheer horror as Izzy was slowly licking Blaineley's leg.

"Now I'm going to have nightmares!" groaned Gwen.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Blaineley –** "Don't judge me," Blaineley warns in a cold tone.

**Anne Maria –** Anne Maria continues to lick her spray can.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

Heather got up and stretched. When she noticed that Blaineley wasn't present, she sauntered over to the door and looked it.

However, the clicking noise the door made awoke Eva, Dakota and LeShawna.

"Why are you locking the door?" demanded Eva. "I'd like to know now."

"Blaineley's not here," said Heather, climbing back into her bed. "And I want to enjoy more of her absence."

"Sounds good enough for me," LeShawna shrugged. "I could use a break from that bitch anyway."

All of a sudden, there was a loud rattling on the door. "LET ME IN, YOU UNCLE-F***ERS!" came a voice from outside. "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! DON'T MAKE ME TRY AND CRASH THIS DOOR DOWN!"

Eva growled as she readied her fists, but Dakota said: "Leave it to me! I'll shut Mildred up!" She marched towards the door, unlocked it, opened it up, unleashed a loud roar and pounced on Blaineley. Five minutes later, Dakota re-entered the cabin and locked the door behind her.

"Girl, are you okay?" asked LeShawna, concerned about Dakota's bruises.

"I'm fine," Dakota smiled. "Mildred was no match for the Dakotazoid. And Izzy dragged her out to the woods, so it doesn't matter if I failed to kill her."

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Blaineley –** "I am warning you not to judge me!" Blaineley hisses. "Those girls are lucky I am a sex-addict, but I will never let go of the fact that they locked me out!" She realises what she just said. "What, did I just admit – er, I mean, say, that I was a sex-addict?! I'M NOT A SEX-ADDICT, PERIOD!" Izzy bursts into the confessional and lands on Blaineley's lap. "Izzy heard what you said!" Izzy chirps. "Izzy knew you enjoyed it!" And so Izzy drags Blaineley out to the woods again, much to Blaineley's chagrin.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

B, Tyler and Geoff were playing poker on the rug when Geoff paused.

"Have you dudes seen Justin, Lightning and Scott anywhere?" he asked. B shrugged.

"Ah, it's their own fault for missing out on the fun," Tyler replied. "Anyway, I WIN! YEAH!"

"Dude, I'd hate to burst your bubble, but this isn't how poker is played," Geoff pointed out.

"BUT I WIN IN **MY** BOOK!" Tyler insisted. He jumped up and proceeded to do a victory dance; only to slip, fall out an open window and land in the same bed of nettles he fell into a couple of episodes ago.

* * *

**Outside Team Red Cabins**

"Sha-there!" snapped Lightning. "Sha-Lightning sha-voted sha-out sha-Owen! Sha-happy?!"

"Very!" smirked Scott. "Next time we lose, we're voting out B."

"Sha-but sha-Lightning sha-thought sha-Lightning sha-only sha-had sha-to sha-vote sha-with sha-your sha-alliance sha-only sha-once!" Lightning protested.

"Sha-and sha-Scott sha-thought sha-Lightning sha-would sha-keep sha-Lightning's sha-habit sha-of sha-inserting sha-the sha-word sha-'sha' sha-before sha-every sha-word sha-Lightning sha-says sha-to sha-a sha-minimum!" Scott jeered, mimicking Lightning's voice.

Lightning glared at him. "Sha-fine!" he yelled. "Lightning will vote with you guys, and Lightning will keep Lightning's use of the word 'sha' to a sha-minimum! But what's in it for Lightning?!"

"An elimination that is not only relatively late in the season, compared to everyone else, but also devoid of humiliation, pain and trauma," Scott calmly assured – or threatened – Lightning.

Lightning sighed. For the third time in his life he knew when he was beaten. "Fine, Lightning's in! Happy?!"

"Definitely," Scott smirked.

"Oh, maybe we should convince Team Blue to vote out Izzy should they lose as well," Justin suggested. "She wouldn't stop shifting me, that bitch."

"Yes, but we'll lose B first," said Scott. "I don't trust that little sneak! It's always the quiet ones! Besides, it's not like Izzy randomly pops out of nowhere and drags you kicking and screaming to the woods all the time," the redneck assured the Hawaiian. All of a sudden, Izzy randomly popped out of nowhere and dragged Justin kicking and screaming to the woods.

"I stand corrected," said Scott, rubbing his chin. "It looks like the conflict between Heather and Mildred is no longer the biggest obstacle to this alliance. I'm never going to let go of the fact that Izzy gave me a lap dance even though she knows I'm gay!"

"Then get her team to vote her out," said Lightning.

"I'll keep that in mind when they lose," said Scott. "But now we must deal with the next biggest threat. Heather and Blaineley are both in the alliance, but they don't know that the other is in yet. What should we do about that, hmm?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YE SHOULD DO!" Tyler thundered, emerging from the nettles. "YE SHOULD KICK LIGHTNING'S ASS FOR TRYING TO STEAL MY GIRL!" He lunged for Lightning, but Scott grabbed him and held the talentless jock back.

"That was two episodes ago, jockstrap!" Scott scoffed. "You can let it go, now!" He thought for a moment. "Say Tyler, are you interested in becoming an alliance member?" Scott asked Tyler.

"Yes, on condition that we vote out Lightning," said Tyler.

"He's already in the alliance, Tyler," Scott pointed out.

"Then I'm not joining!" Tyler huffed, walking away as he relentlessly scratched himself.

"Alright, change of plan!" Scott barked. "We're voting out Tyler next chance we get!"

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "B is undoubtedly too clever for his own good," Scott states, "but Tyler has witnessed our alliance on two separate occasions! He may pick up valuable information and eventually use it against us! Then we'll target B, then LeShawna, then Eva, then Dakota, then Geoff and then finally, Blaineley. Heather may not be willing to take this on board right now, but Tyler is too dangerous! He may be smarter than we think!"

**Tyler –** Tyler is scratching himself. "When we lose, we're voting out Lightning!" he boasts. "I know we all hate him! He's arrogant! He's weak! He's good for nothing! He's stupid! Our team will do better without him!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

"Jo, why do you keep on bullying Brick?" asked Dawn. "I can sense a bad aura coming from him because of this."

"Ah, he'll get over it eventually," Jo shrugged, as she closed the door behind her. "Besides, it's fun to tease him, and what if Canada brought in conscription? Brick would immediately become an office because he's already been to military school, while I'd probably be bossed around by him. I'm having none of it, and I want to make it clear to him that no matter what position we'll have in the military, I'll never obey him."

"Jo, I can assure you that Canada is never going to introduce conscription in the near future," said Beth. "Most people oppose it."

"Not to mention that if Canada, against all odds, brought in a universal military service, the Americans would invade us, thinking we were going to invade them," Sierra added. "Besides, the American government thinks they can easily invade us within two days because they believe Canadians don't bother stand up for ourselves. Of course, we can foil their plans, but the effects of the war will still be harrowing."

"Okay, where did you get the idea that the States might invade Canada?" Jo wondered.

"I got a further insight on the US presidential election," Sierra replied. "If they elect a Tea Party president, surely we'd be in trouble. The only reason the last Tea Party president was neutral on our existence was because of his stupidity. Thankfully, a narrow majority of Americans have enough common sense not to elect a Tea Party president."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Jo shrugged.

"But are you joining the army or navy even if we don't get conscripted?" asked Katie.

"Nah," said Jo. "I want to become a gym teacher. I don't need the army or the navy for that. Besides, Izzy said she'd bring a video camera with her when she joins the army so she can record videos of herself while she single-handedly invades several countries and shag all of the soldiers in their armies, so I won't be missing out on drama."

"Now Izzy joining the army is another reason Canada won't need conscription," beamed Sadie.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Jo –** "The real reason I pick on Brick is because we were in the same classes in middle school, and he told on me several times," Jo explains. "That's his comeuppance for not minding his own business."

**Sierra –** "I also know that if a Tea Party candidate was elected president of the States, every country bordering Israel would be in major trouble," says Sierra.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

Brick was sobbing as usual because Jo gave him the Wet Willy. Cameron, Cody, DJ and Sam looked at the cadet with great sympathy and slight unease.

"Brick, it's okay," DJ soothed, walking over to Brick's bunk, sitting next to Brick and pulling the cadet on to his lap. "But you need to stop crying, otherwise Jo will enjoy picking on you."

"But Jo is such a poopy-face!" Brick whimpered, before burying his face in DJ's shoulder.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cody –** "I know it seems cruel, but Brick has to go," Cody sighs. "The longer he stays here, the more Jo will pick on him. Besides, he's embarrassing himself sitting on DJ's lap unless he's messing or giving DJ a lap-dance," he added.

**Cameron –** "I'm very shocked Brick is letting Jo get to him like that," says Cameron, rubbing his chin. "I would expect him to make her drop and give her fifty push-ups or something like that, especially since he'd become an officer if Canada were to make everyone join the army or navy. But this is not happening. I need to find out why Jo is bullying Brick and see if I can put a stop to this."

**DJ and Brick –** Brick has fallen asleep in DJ's arms and is now sucking his thumb. "Aw," DJ beams, "he reminds me of Bunny."

**Sam –** "I know how Brick feels," says Sam. "I felt that way once when my Nintendo GameCube broke down and I couldn't get a new one because they were obsolete by that point. Sure, I had the Wii, but it just wasn't the same." Sam sighs at that memory.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Mess Hall**

The contestants were enjoying their slop ˗ *cough* not *cough* ˗ when Chris slipped into the mess hall and barked:

"Alright Team Blue and Team Red: it's time to check your write-outs! By the way, anyone who hasn't got their write-out done will be eliminated!" The contestants from Team Red and Team Blue groaned relentlessly as Chris lined them up to see what they've done – _if_ they've had it done.

"Seriously?!" demanded Chris. "Not one of you guys has done the write-out except Harold?!"

"Why _should_ we do the write-out?!" demanded Blaineley. "We didn't have the time, duh!"

"That's because Izzy was shagging you and Scott!" groaned Chris. "Besides, you guys finished the challenge at around _noon_! You've had plenty of time! So why didn't you guys do it?!"

All of the lined-up contestants exchanged glances until Noah stepped forward. "Because we didn't want to," the egghead replied, as if the answer was obvious.

"You don't start a sentence with the word 'because', GOSH!" Harold interjected. "Curse your atrocious vocabulary for an honours student! GOSH!"

"Nobody cares, Four-Eyes," Anne Maria sneered.

"Well what are you going to do about it, hmm?" Scott teased the host. "You do realise that if you eliminate all of us but Harold, there will be very little drama left to play with."

"Audiences are still eating the feud between Jo and Brick up," Chris pointed out, beckoning to the Team Green table where Jo is pouring her tea – which was unbearably hot – down the front of Brick's knickers. Yes, Brick was wearing knickers. Brick ran out of the mess hall screaming at the top of his voice in tears as he clutched his crotch.

"But that's all Team Green is good for," Alejandro accentuated. "Team Red has Tyler's clumsiness, Mildred, Dakotazoid and Heather and Scott's alliance. Our team has Anne Maria, Noah's snide comments, Harold's creepiness, the alliance between myself and Chef Hatchet and Izzy's… well… Izzy-ness."

Chris sighed in defeat. "Fine, I'll let it go!" he groaned. "But this better not happen again!" The contestants ignored him as they returned to his tables. Chris went back to his toothy grin and said:

"Anyway, today's challenge will have a Christmas theme˗"

"We're in the outset of July!" Harold interjected. "Curse you're malfunctioning internal clock! IDIOT!"

"Nobody cares, Harold!" snapped Chris. "Besides, my name is Chris, and that has the first four letters of Christmas, so I can do what I want regarding Christmas. Plus, the author of this story originally intended to have this published by Christmas Day, but Christmas-related events came up. So we're having a Christmas theme," he pointed out.

"What author are you talking about?" Sadie wondered.

"How the Hell should I know?" Chris responded. "I'm just saying whatever I'm compelled to say."

"Or maybe you're just mentally ill," Sierra snickered.

"Nobody asked you for your opinions, Sierra!" snapped Chris. "Anyway, there will be a reward challenge and an immunity challenge, just like in the third episode. For the reward challenge, each team will be given a bare Christmas tree to decorate. The team with the tree that has the best decorations wins an advantage in the immunity challenge, which you will find out very soon. Now let's go to the prefab and get decorating."

* * *

**Prefab**

The contestants were decorating their trees, but not without several obstacles. Jo and Blaineley fought over the coloured lights until Eva grabbed Blaineley by the neck and hurled her out the door. Justin refused to do anything, claiming that touching Christmas decorations would impair his beauty. He changed his mind when Dakota scratched him, and with nothing left to live for, Justin proceeded to help Lightning with the baubles. Harold kept criticising everyone on his team for their choices of decorations and where on their tree to put the decorations. Fortunately, Izzy dragged Harold out to the woods to shift him, therefore enabling Team Blue to work on decorating the tree with ease. Brick's relentless glare was giving his teammates the Goosebumps until Jo squeezed his nose, prompting the cadet to run out of the prefab bawling and roaring. Noah and Anne Maria had a row over the latter doing nothing but pollute the environment by spraying herself with her perfume. Bridgette also intervened to break up the fight, but instead Anne Maria engaged in a cat fight with Bridgette, with poor Noah caught in the middle. Geoff broke up the fight for his girlfriend; only to get yelled at by Heather and Scott for "backstabbing the team". LeShawna and Dakota, however, stood up for Geoff by telling Heather and Scott for piss off and mind their own bloody businesses. Katie and Sadie's squealing was getting to the males on their team, and Chef and Alejandro could not concentrate because of Ezekiel's miserable face.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Chef –** "That Ezekiel is making me feel uneasy," Chef groans. "I cannot concentrate with him. What is it about him that's making me feel uncomfortable?" He stares at the camera. "Are you saying it's _guilt_?" he demands. "No, it can't be. I shouldn't feel guilty, because I _don't_!"

**Geoff – **"Heather and Scott are seriously getting on my nerves," growls Geoff. "You are very lucky, Mildred!" he adds.

**LeShawna –** "Okay, Heather has got to go!" snaps LeShawna. "Blaineley's a bitch, but at least she's less of a treat!"

**Harold –** "I cannot believe Izzy would perform such a barbaric crime to me!" Harold states, flaying his arms around like a hyperactive windmill. "Does she not realise that the clothes which I am currently wearing are the only clothes I can wear on a Friday?! I cannot don my Saturday clothing too soon! It is not possible! Now I am currently compelled to wear unsanitary clothing for the rest of the day! Curse Izzy's insensitivity to routine! GOSH!"

**Noah –** "Anne Maria has got to go," says Noah, sternly. "All she does is go on and on and on about how great _Jersey Shore_ is when obviously it's not, masturbate to the _Kardashians_, watch the Disney channel, listen to One Direction, gripe about how Zoey "stole her man" even though Vito was obviously one of Mike's personality disorders, make it harder for me to breathe with her bloody spray cans, lose her temper and be an overall bitch. Am I forgetting something? Oh yeah: Gwen and Bridgette told me she also molests her spray can! That is why I'm swinging my vote from voting out that eel."

**Anne Maria –** Anne Maria licks her spray can again.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"TIME'S UP!" barked Chris as he blew his horn and entered the prefab. "Time to judge the Christmas trees!" He sauntered over to Team Red. "This is an AWESOME Christmas tree!" he beamed. The contestants of Team Red cheered except for Blaineley, who was mad at her team for letting Eva throw her out of the prefab. Chris moved over to Team Green.

"This is ALSO an AWESOME Christmas Tree!" beamed Chris. The contestants of Team Green cheered except for Brick, who was glaring at Jo for pinching his nose and scolding his crotch. Finally, Chris moved on to Team Blue.

"THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME CHRISTMAS TREE EVER!" Chris shrieked in delight. Team Green and Team Red stared at Team Blue's tree with great disbelief.

"But there are no Christmas decorations on it!" Beth protested.

"Yeah, all they did put on it was themselves!" Eva added.

"That's what I love about their Christmas tree!" beamed Chris, signalling over to the Team Blue tree, complete with the members of Team Blue fired onto the tree, courtesy of Izzy. Izzy sat on top of the tree with a big grin.

"Izzy knew you'd love it!" she chirped.

"We're still voting you out if we lose!" Anne Maria snarled.

"Provided of course we don't vote _you_ out," Noah snickered. Anne Maria reached her right hand over towards Noah and bitch-slapped Noah on the right cheek.

"Ow," said Noah.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Izzy –** "Izzy knew it would work!" Izzy chirps. "Izzy wants to celebrate by shagging an egghead!"

**Scott –** "What a stupid idea Izzy had!" Scott groans. "If I had it _my_ way, Team Blue would automatically lose the immunity challenge and be forced to eliminate one of them, preferably Izzy!"

**Noah –** "Anne Maria is _definitely_ going home next," says Noah, dryly. Suddenly, Izzy bursts into the confessional cam and chirps: "Izzy wants to shag an egghead!" With that, she drags Noah out of the confessional cam while he mutters: "Kill me now."

**(End of Video Diaries).**

* * *

"Alright campers, for this immunity challenge each team must make me a Christmas present!" barked Chris. "The team that has made me the best present will win a prize! The other two teams will lose two campers from **any** team! Anyway, since Team Blue won the reward challenge, their advantage is…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…the supplies they'll need to make the gift!"

"Do we get supplies?" asked Katie.

"What do you think my answer to that question is going to be?" Chris demanded.

"But how are we supposed to make your present if we don't have supplies?!" screamed Heather.

Chris flashed his signature smile. "Well it's not my problem!" he chirped.

* * *

The members of Team Blue were having no difficulty making the present, barring Anne Maria's laziness, Chef and Alejandro being ill at ease with Ezekiel's sad face, Harold constantly correcting his team and Izzy being well… Izzy. Okay, so maybe the members of Team Blue _were_ having difficulty. But the difficulty they were enduring was nothing compared to the hardships Team Red and Team Green were having.

"So what _should_ we do?" Eva grunted.

"Ooh, I know!" Geoff chirped. "How about we throw an awesome party for him!"

"No, absolutely not!" Heather interjected. "It has to be materialistic. Any bright ideas?" Scott raised his hand.

"I have an idea for a present Chris actually deserves," said Scott. "And I know how to give it to him. All you guys have to do is do nothing."

"Fine by me," LeShawna shrugged. "But if we lose, you do realise what's going to happen, right?"

"Positive," Scott lied, giving her his artificial smile. He rolled off outside the prefab.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**LeShawna –** "I've got my eye on that Scott," says LeShawna, sternly. "His plan better work or else he'll be eliminated."

**Scott –** "What idiots they are!" Scott smirked. "Don't they realise I'm just going to throw the challenge and get B eliminated?!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"So what do we do know?" asked DJ.

"It's hopeless," sighed Sierra, "because Chris is such an asshole. He sure loves torturing us." However, a light bulb flashed in Dawn's mind.

"Actually guys, stay here," said Dawn. "I have an idea that is sure to help us win!"

* * *

Chris enters the prefab to judge the presents that were made for him. First, he checked out Team Blue's present for him.

"Whoa, another hair gel container!" Chris squealed in delight. "I've always wanted one! Now I have more room for my hair gel! Thank you guys so much!"

The members of Team Blue – except Chef, of course – smiled and nodded. "You're welcome, Chris," they replied, although Noah and Chef didn't mean it.

Chris went up to Team Red. "That's it?" he demanded. "A lump of coal?"

"Hey, you _did_ say it was a Christmas challenge," Scott mused. "Don't the naughty kids get knobs of coal for Christmas?"

"Well you guys sucked," said Chris, "big time! Now it's time to judge Team Green," he added, walking over to Team Green to see a sheet of paper that was neatly folded. "Guys, please tell me I'm missing something," he groaned.

Dawn smiled as she held up the sheet of paper and opened it. It turned out to be a Christmas greeting card with the message "Merry Christmas, Chris McLean!" and a drawing of a half-naked Chris in it. Chris began to cry and sniffled:

"That…that i-is the b-BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT I HAVE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE! TEAM GREEN, YOU GUYS WIN THE CHALLENGE! YOU GUYS WIN… all Blu-ray season box sets of _Jersey Shore_!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed everyone on Team Green in unison.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Anne Maria. Everyone looked at her in sheer horror.

"Team Blue and Team Red: I'll see your Jewish little butts at the campfire ceremony tonight," said Chris.

"JUST A MINUTE!" screamed Chef. "YOU LOVED OUR HAIR GEL CONTAINER THAT WE MADE FOR YOU! AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF MY RELIGION YOU PRICK!"

"Relax Chef, I'll still use the hair gel container," Chris assured the cook, choosing to ignore the fact that his remarks were highly offensive.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "Alejandro, Chef and Harold are lucky I'm voting out Anne Maria," Noah drones. "She did nothing but pollute the environment, pick a fight and whine over not being able to watch _Jersey Shor_e on Blu-ray. Does she actually enjoy that show or does she get a sadistic pleasure from trolling us? Maybe both, I guess."

**Heather –** "Normally I would vote out Blaineley but Scott told me that Tyler was spying on us," says Heather. "Sure, Tyler's an idiot, but he _could_ be trying to get back at me for my alliance with Lindsay back in the first season. Besides, he could very easily be wrapped around Blaineley's finger and now that Lightning's in the alliance Tyler has officially proved himself to be a threat. Sorry Tyler, but you're too dangerous to keep around."

**Blaineley –** "Meh, Tyler was getting annoying anyway," says Blaineley, shrugging. "If we lose him, we'll have a greater chance of not losing. I may have Scott's alliance as security but winning is everything in this universe."

**Tyler –** "Lightning, you've been struck!" Tyler cackles. Suddenly, actual lightning flashes through the open window – breaking the laws of physics in the process because he's in a sheltered area surrounded by trees – and strikes Tyler.

**Alejandro –** "Of _course_ I'm voting out Ezekiel," says Alejandro. "I sure hope Chef does the same. I know Anne Maria will."

**Anne Maria –** "Alejandro approached me and reminded me of the time that prairie kid gave me that fake diamond, thus getting me eliminated!" growls Anne Maria. "So I'm voting out Zeke! Even though that Indian dude was being a jerk! I can lick my spray can if I want!" She begins to lick her spray can again to make a point.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

"Alright campers!" said Chris. "Two people from either team is going home! Normally, we'd let you guys vote out whoever you want, but since this is a Christmas themed challenge I decided to use an advent calendar to determine which two people are going!"

"Chris, there are twenty-four of us and there are twenty-four days in advent," said Gwen.

"And all but twenty-two of us are going home," Zoey added.

"Yeah, well whoever gets their name called twice gets immunity the next time their team is up for elimination," Chris informed them. "Harold also gets immunity because he did the write-out. This is also the reason he got to pick the two people who are getting immunity, the two people who are going home and the order in which I'm giving out the marshmallows."

Everyone turned their heads and glared at Harold. Harold took no notice as he was too busy picking his nose.

"Anyway, behind Door #1 and Door #2 is Harold," Chris called out. "Door #3 and Door #4 reveal Ezekiel." Alejandro, Anne Maria and Chef glared at Ezekiel. Ezekiel sighed miserably.

"Oh, I just love the tension!" Chris smiled. "Any-who, we have B behind Doors #5 and #6, Chef behind #7, Lindsay behind #8 and Tyler behind #9." Scott, Heather, Blaineley, Justin and Lightning glared at Tyler, who responded by blowing Lightning a raspberry.

"Doors #10 through #22 reveal Zoey, Alejandro, Bridgette, Heather, LeShawna, Gwen, Mike, Eva, Noah, Justin, Blaineley, Scott and Lightning." Tyler glared at Lightning. Lightning blew Tyler a raspberry. Geoff, Duncan and Dakota began to worry. Izzy seemed to be unfazed that her name wasn't called.

"Izzy, you don't seem to be panicking despite having messed up Harold's Friday clothes," said Chris. "Fortunately, it makes sense that you are not worried because you are behind Door #23! Duncan, Geoff and Dakota! There is only one more door left! Behind Door #24 is…

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"…Duncan!"

Dakota and Geoff were speechless.

"Wait, why us?!" demanded Geoff. "What have we done to upset Harold?"

"You sided with Duncan when he was picking on me, GOSH!" snarled Harold.

"That's because you were snoring, correcting us all the time and not to mention condescending towards us, dweeb!" Duncan snarled back.

"And why did you vote me out?!" demanded Dakota.

"I voted you out because your boyfriend refused to play Nintendo3DS with me, IDIOT!" snarled Harold. Before Dakota could unleash her Dakotazoid roar on the lanky teen, Sam showed up and announced:

"Wait! I vote myself out! I refuse to go on without my Dakotazoid!"

"Fine," said Chris, shrugging. "You're useless anyway. Geoff, consider yourself a member of Team Green." Bridgette ran up to Geoff and embraced him. They shared a French kiss to celebrate, even though Geoff is still on a different team. Sam and Dakota loaded their luggage on the catapult and jumped in. They were flown off to Playa de Losers.

"Gosh, what a fuss over nothing, GOSH!" Harold complained. Duncan responded by picking up Harold and firing him into the lake.

* * *

**Playa des Losers**

Sam and Dakota land at Playa des Losers where Courtney, Owen, Staci and Trent were conversing in the hot tub. Owen noticed them and called out:

"Hey Sam! Dakota! Why don't you guys join us?!"

Sam and Dakota smiled, ran into the hotel and came back out in their swimming gear. They joined the other four ex-contestants in the hot tub.

"So what happened?" asked Courtney.

"Oh, Harold was being an ass," said Dakota. "There was a double elimination and Geoff and I were supposed to be eliminated thanks to Harold. Thankfully, Sam voted himself out so he and I can be together and Geoff and Bridgette won't be separated." She snuggled up to her boyfriend with content.

"That's so romantic," beamed Staci.

"That was sound of you, man," Trent told Sam, fist-bumping the gamer. "By the way, did Chris confiscate any of your electronics?"

"Nope," Sam replied. "We were more careful when using them this time. We've still got 'em." The six of them laughed as they enjoyed the party.

* * *

Chef was sitting on the Dock of Shame. He was not very happy one bit. Ezekiel approached the cook. Chef snarled at the prairie kid and said:

"You ain't coming near me you got that, bigot boy!"

Ezekiel backed away, but replied: "I just wanted to say I was sorry, eh!"

"Sorry?" growled Chef. "SORRY?! YOU OFFENDED ME BY SAYIN' A BUNCH O' STUPID SHIT AND YA THINK YA CAN GET OFF DA HOOK BY SAYIN' SORRY?! YA KNOW WHAT HOME-SCHOOL; THERE IS NOTHIN' YO CAN DO TO GET MAH APPROVAL! YOU'RE WORTHLESS AND NOTHIN' CAN CHANGE THAT! YA UNDERSTAND, SON?!"

Ezekiel burst into tears. "I-I'm sorry, eh! I just thought it was part of modern Canadian culture, eh! I thought being politically incorrect and doing those other taboo stuff was expected from society, eh!"

"WELL YOU'RE WRONG YA PIECE O' SHIT!" Chef bellowed. "YOU'RE NOT A COMEDIAN! YOU HAVE NO LICENCE TO BE LIKE THAT! ALL YOU ARE IS A PATHETIC PIECE O' NOTHIN' THAT WILL ALWAYS BE NOTHIN'! NOW PISS OFF AND GET OUTTA MAH SIGHT!"

Ezekiel wiped his face on his sleeve. He realised he did all he could to explain himself and apologise. The sad and remorseful prairie kid staggered back to the cabins. Chef returned to gazing at the lake. It was not long before he was shoved into the water. Chef thrashed around until he grabbed hold of one of the beams that support the Dock of Shame. He looked up to see Sierra, Jo, Cameron, Beth, Dawn, Katie, Sadie and Cody; all glaring down at the cook.

"I don't care if Home-school was saying stupid shit!" snarled Jo. "Nobody should be berated like that!"

"ALRIGHT, WHICH ONE O' YA MAGGOTS PUSHED ME?!" Chef roared.

"I did!" snarled Sierra. "You deserved it! I'm also not cutting you some slacks just because you got the bad end of your divorce with Chris! You took his side when he abandoned me in the desert!"

"You'd better watch your back, Chef!" Cody warned. "Sierra can get really mad!"

"And Geoff is telling Team Blue about this right at this moment!" Cameron added. "You'd better pray your team doesn't lose tomorrow!"

Chef was about to berate them for pushing him into the lake and telling on him, but they all left. He huffed before climbing back onto the surface of the Dock of Shame. He stood up and shook himself the same way a dog would shake in order to dry himself off. He stomped over to the Team Blue cabin. He grabbed the knob to open the door, but the door wouldn't budge. Chef snarled and pounded on the door.

"LET ME IN!" he roared. He repeated himself, but not a single response came. He huffed again before leaving to find somewhere else to get shut-eye. But Izzy stood in his way.

"Izzy has heard about what Cheffie just did to Zeke!" Izzy growled. "Izzy ought to teach Cheffie a lesson by shifting him!" Before Chef could stop Izzy, the latter jumped and landed on the cook's shoulders. Izzy covered his eyes, prompting Chef to run around like a lunatic in an effort to get the crazy girl off of him. This only served to have the cook running off into the woods where Izzy would shift him.

* * *

**Wow; another creepy chapter gets uploaded onto Fan Fiction Net. It ends with Izzy dragging somebody off into the woods. So that's another reason to bring up the rating to 'M'.**

**Sorry to all you Dakota fans and Sam fans. However, I didn't want to keep them around for too long, as I felt they've been through enough drama already. I also needed another tool to enhance everyone's hatred of Harold. Since Harold picked who was going home, inserting the voting results will not be unnecessary. Anyway, Ezekiel's behaviour will be explained in the next chapter and his conflict with Chef may no longer be the primary cause of drama for Team Blue. Now that Geoff is on Team Green will there be more drama for the team than just the conflict between Brick and Jo? Well Geoff is a lovely lad but we'll see how things will work out in future chapters. Also, I'm going to keep track of the people Izzy's shifted, just for laughs. I'd never promote this in real life, but it's just a fic.**

**ELIMINATED: Staci, Courtney, Trent, Owen, Dakota and Sam.**

**PEOPLE IZZY SHAGGED: Blaineley, Justin, Scott, Harold, Noah and Chef.**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Well, it's a little late to say 'Merry Christmas' but it's better late than never. I'm sure Christmas doesn't end until the sixth of January, so I guess I'm not too late to say it.**


	6. Day 6: Virtual Insanity (Part 1)

**Now that this fic is rated 'M', I guess it's safe to put in a few curse words and add a little more sexual content. I have another poll up and it asks who you guys think the main antagonist of the story is going to be. All of the antagonists so far have not been listed in the poll because they are not going to be the most evil people on the show.**

**Lilliflower98 – I'm glad you love it.**

**Kyrogue23 – Yeah… Brick will never rape Jo. This is not to say that he wouldn't try, but this will only end up with Jo raping Brick. The possibility of him mind-breaking Jo is greater, but there are no guarantees. At the moment, Jo is quite possibly too smart, strong and stubborn for the poor cadet.**

**Total Drama Rocks – Oh, a smiley face! Nice! I'm glad you liked it, ****.**

**TotalDramaWreck – Interesting observation. Alejandro could betray Chef, but at the moment it's probably too late for him to do that. I guess an alliance of outsiders – Alejandro, Anne Maria, Chef and Izzy – would be likely, but I wouldn't put my money on it. Chef would never be in an alliance with Izzy in it; especially after she attacked him when he proposed to make an illegal alliance with her at the outset of **_**Total Drama Action**_**, though I do enjoy their conflict. Lightning's sha-language is hilarious but difficult to type out. Thankfully, his stupidity will come in handy for Scott. Yes, Scott is playing the game well and yes, Scott is also likely to screw up. It was a bad move indeed for Scott to announce all to his plans in the confessional. But Scott has a tendency to screw things up. He did pull a hard-core prank on Chris on the episode he was eliminated and when he was eliminated Chris paid him back by letting Fang join him in the confessional. Mildred does bring the drama so I'll keep her but yeah, she's a bitch alright. Team Green sure is coming across as the 'hero' team. But keeping in mind that they are on a competition hosted by Chris, the situation is volatile. Your suspicions of Team Green make sense because of Jo and Brick's conflict, and Geoff, considering his IQ and his probable failed attempts to lighten up the mood; will likely make the conflict even worse. Glad you liked DJ and Brick's bromance. I share your hatred of Harold in this chapter.**

**I'll Cover Angel and Collins – You sure are a fan of Trent's number nine obsession. Apparently, it will take time for poor old Trent to deliver himself from his obsession, so there will still be a few ticks.**

**Toaneo07 Ver2.0 – I'm glad you like this again. Sorry if the third chapter negatively impacted your thoughts on this story.**

**By the way, this will be the first two-chapter episode. When I first wrote this story, I intended to have every episode last one chapter to finish it within three years. But then I realised this episode was going to take ages to write, so I had to split it into two chapters. Some episodes may even be three chapters long. But I will still write a few more one-chapter episodes if there is not much to write to the challenges for these episodes. This is a HUGE challenge, however. Then again, one of the other chapters have at least 10,000 words. I don't know; I just don't like leaving you guys in suspenders for too long anymore. It gives me an excuse to add a cliff-hanger at the end, though nine times out of ten each and every one of you will jump to the right conclusion.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 6: Virtual Insanity (Part 1)

* * *

"Last time on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "It was the best day of my life! Team Green drew a picture of me!" Chris paused to let a tear stream down his face. "So, Team Red and Team Blue were sent to elimination, even though Team Blue's gift was way better than Team Red's. Because Harold was the only one who bothered to do the write-out out of all of the people who were assigned a write-out, I decided that only he should get to have a say in who was going home. He picked Geoff and Dakota, though the reason he picked Dakota was not legitimate. Sam volunteered to leave instead of Geoff, which is good, considering that Sam is even more boring than Geoff. What else happened? Oh yeah. Harold kept the other males up all night while he did his write-out, Jo continued to pick on Brick, Scott now wants to get rid of Tyler, Anne Maria developed a strange spray-can fetish, Izzy began shagging more people and Chef finally gave out to Ezekiel. Poor Zeke! Will Scott finally get rid of Tyler? Will Jo leave Brick alone? Will Chef's reputation with his team get even worse? Who will Izzy shag next? Find out, here, on _TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED_!"

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

"Glad to have you on our team!" DJ told Geoff, as they played poker on the floor.

"I second that dude!" Geoff replied. Cody and Cameron awoke.

"You guys playing poker?" Cody asked. "Can I join?"

"Sure!" beamed Geoff. "The more, the merrier! Hey buddy, you wanna join too?" he asked Cameron.

"Why not?" said Cameron, smiling as he joined the other three lads on the floor. DJ turned to Brick and asked:

"Hey Brick, do you want to play?"

"No thanks," Brick replied darkly. "I don't feel like it."

"Well, you can join us when you're ready, okay dude?" Geoff assured him. Brick nodded and continued to clutch his pillow. Suddenly, a letter slipped through the crack underneath the door. Cody noticed it, got up, walked over to the letter and picked it up. He scanned the letter.

"Brick, there's a letter for ya," Cody informed the cadet, handing the letter to him. "I don't know who it's from, but read it anyway."

"Okay," said Brick, unsealing the envelope and removing the letter from the envelope. He unfolded the letter and read it. "Hey, it's from Jo. She says she's sorry for the way she's been treating me in the past few episodes. She also has a surprise for me. I can't wait!" He got up and headed towards the door.

"Brick, did it ever occur to you that Jo could be trying to fool you and humiliate you again?" Cameron questioned. But Brick was not convinced.

"I WANT A SURPRISE!" Brick whined. He ran out the door.

"I have a bad feeling I know what's going to happen," said DJ, worriedly.

"I warned him," said Cameron.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cameron –** "It's sad that Brick is very naïve for someone who aspires to join the army," Cameron sighs. "Actually no, it's not sad. It's **disturbing**."

**Geoff –** "That Brick dude sure is a downer man," Geoff sighs.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

Jo entered the cabin, closing the door behind her. Her cabin-mates were discussing last night's elimination.

"Omigosh that was really sweet of Sam to sacrifice his chance to win the two million dollars just to be with his girlfriend!" beamed Sadie.

"I know, right?!" Katie beamed back. "That was like, SO cute! And that means Bridgette and Geoff won't be apart for so long!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEE!" squealed Katie and Sadie in unison.

"Well they're certainly excited that the drama has been minimised," Jo giggled, as she grabbed a baseball bat.

"Right," said Sierra, "but that still doesn't change how much we hate Harold now. He had an opportunity to vote Scott and Mildred out and he blew it. Though I am surprised, knowing Harold, that no one from his team was eliminated."

"Don't worry about it," Dawn assured her, "Harold has an aura that is even creepier than Trent's. That's pretty much how fucked up he is."

"I'm not surprised by that," said Jo, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad we got rid of him."

"At least he's not at Playa des Losers annoying Courtney, Dakota, Owen, Sam, Staci and Trent," Beth pointed out. "That would only be adding insult to injury for their early eliminations."

"Good point," said Jo. She heard footsteps from outside. "Hush," Jo whispered, readying her bat. There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" Jo chirped. Brick opened the door and entered. Jo brought the bat down on Brick's head, knocking him out. Izzy showed up and said:

"Gee, thanks Jo! Now, Izzy has another person to shag!" She dragged Brick's unconscious body to the woods. Normally, common sense would dictate that the girls should ask Jo why she and Izzy did what they did, but nobody took any notice. Katie and Sadie were too busy acting like monkeys; Dawn was too busy meditating; and Beth and Sierra were too busy talking about boys.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Jo –** "What an idiot!" cackles Jo. "Brick should know by now not to trust me! At least his stupidity made me twenty bucks richer!"

**Brick –** Brick is covered in Izzy's vaginal fluid. "JO LIED TO ME, THAT COW!" Brick bawls. "I COULD'VE PREVENTED IZZY FROM SOAKING MY GOOD CLOTHES WITH HER WEE-WEE, BUT I DIDN'T! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HIT A GIRL AND JO KNOWS THAT! WAAAAAAAH!" The cadet continues to wail as snot explodes from his nose.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

"I cannot believe I loved that little shit-head!" groaned LeShawna.

"Don't worry about it," Eva assured her. "You didn't know he was a creep when he professed his love to you. You thought he was just lost. Though you still shouldn't have dated him. He probably would've lived in a different part of Canada anyway. That's why I don't date anyone on this show."

"Well look on the bright side," Blaineley boasted, "I'm still here!"

"Now I wish **I** volunteered to go instead of Sam," groaned LeShawna.

"Actually, Mildred," snapped Heather, "you're only glad you're still here because of Izzy!" Blaineley stood there silently for a few seconds before lashing out at Heather. Thankfully, before Blaineley could lay a finger on Heather, Eva grabbed her by the neck and threw her out the window.

"Thanks for saving me Eva," Heather beamed. However, she was only pretending to be nice. Neither Eva nor LeShawna were fooled, but they didn't press the issue.

"You're welcome," Eva grunted, before climbing back into bed.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "That still doesn't mean the target is off Eva's back," Heather states. "She's still going once Tyler and Mildred are gone."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

"I guess the one good thing about Geoff going is me getting a proper bed," said Justin, stretching his legs as he woke up. Scott glared at him.

"What about **me**?!" he demanded. "When do **I** get a proper bed?!"

"When Lightning is gone!" Tyler boomed, giving Lightning the finger.

"Oh no, you did **not** just give the sha-finger to sha-Lightning!" growled Lightning. He retaliated by sticking up his middle finger at Tyler.

"Oh! **Two** can play at that game!" snarled Tyler, continuing to extend his middle finger at the stereotypical jock.

"BRING IT sha-ON!" Lightning snarled back at the non-stereotypical jock. They continued sticking their middle fingers up at each other. Scott rolled his eyes.

"Can this get any more pathetic?" he wondered.

"You think you have this in the bag, huh?!" Tyler challenged. "Well watch this!" Tyler demonstrated by inserting his middle finger in his mouth, much to Lightning's disgust. Tyler bit the finger hard enough to leave a mark. Five seconds later, Tyler removed his finger from his mouth and boasted:

"YEAH, LIGHTNING! THAT'S HOW HARDCORE I AM! TO THE EXTREME!" Suddenly, the pain hit him. "WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I GOT A BOO-BOO!" he wailed. Scott sneered at this.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "Tyler has got to be the most pathetic, let alone retarded human being I've ever come across!" Scott scowls. "I'm beginning to think even **Lightning** has more brains than him! And Lightning is so stupid he doesn't even know what continent he lives in!"

**Lightning –** "Lightning is not just the greatest sha-athlete in all of sha-Canada, but also the greatest sha-athlete in sha-**EUROPE**!" Lightning boasts. He pauses and ponders for a second. "Canada's in Europe, right?" he asks. The camera shakes horizontally. "Lightning sha-knew it!" Lightning hoots, misinterpreting the camera's gesture. "Sha-LIGHTNING!"

**Scott –** "Anyway, with Dakota and Geoff out of the picture, the alliance now dominates our team," Scott states. "With a narrow majority, it will be easier to get rid of Tyler, then B, then LeShawna, then Eva and finally, Blaineley. Once they are all gone, I will focus on sabotaging the other teams and convince some of the idiots from those teams to join my alliance. That way, when the merge comes, I will have full control of this game. When all that remains are members of the alliance, I pick a target, get rid of it, repeat the process every episode until the finals and cheat my way to victory. I can feel the money already!" Scott cackles madly until he sneezes and bangs his head off the wall. "OW!" he groans. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

"I'm so relieved Sam quitted the competition, but I do feel bad," sighed Bridgette.

"Don't worry about it," Zoey assured her. "Dakota and Sam avoided being apart and they've also avoided having their electronics confiscated by Chris."

"I know, but I still can't help feeling bad about it," Bridgette replied.

"Don't feel bad for what Harold did," Gwen stated, putting a hand on the surfer girl's shoulder. "All that matters is that Sam and Dakota are okay, Geoff is still in the competition despite not being on the same team as us and we have another target once Chef and Alejandro are gone."

"Hey, don't you be planning on voting out Alejandro!" snapped Anne Maria. Gwen turned to face the _Jersey Shore_ fan.

"Why not?" she demanded.

"Cos he's hot!" Anne Maria swooned.

"Right," the Goth chick deadpanned. "You've said the same thing about Justin, Lightning, 'Vito', Ezekiel, Courtney, Blaineley, Sierra, Hannah Montana, Eric Cartman, Aunt Hilda, Bad Luck Brian, Brian Griffin, the Clingy Girlfriend, Sheldon Cooper, Scumbag Steve, Mary Kate and Ashley, the Pope, Jimmy Savile, Lindsay and, of **course**, Snooki. Is there anything else I'm forgetting?"

"Well duh, you forget all of the members of JLS, the Wanted and One Direction!" Anne Maria growled. Gwen, Bridgette and Zoey looked at the tan-in-the-can in sheer horror. Suddenly, Izzy entered the cabin with a satisfied grin on her face.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Zoey.

"Izzy rode Brick!" Izzy chirped.

"You can ride a brick?!" asked Lindsay, intrigued. "How do you get a brick to move? Do you pedal it or something?"

"No, you just stick it up your snatch," Izzy replied.

"I'm, like, so totally confused right now," said Lindsay.

"Don't worry; Izzy will show you," said Izzy, locking hands with Lindsay and taking her outside. Zoey, Bridgette, Gwen and Anne Maria exchanged looks of confusion and profound shock.

"Izzy is so lucky," Anne Maria sighed. Gwen, Zoey and Bridgette looked at her again in utter horror.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Gwen –** "Right now I'm not exactly sure if I will ever be able to sleep in the same cabin as Anne Maria again," Gwen groans.

**Lindsay –** "Wow, so **that's** what a snatch is!" says Lindsay, lifting up her skirt while standing up with her knickers down. "I never knew it was there to store three fingers until now."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

"Wow," said Mike, "is this why you were being so politically incorrect?"

"Well, I really believed it was part of our culture to tell offensive jokes, eh," Ezekiel admitted.

"Yeah, well I don't blame you," said Noah. "I've seen videos on YouTube where politically incorrect jokes appear on the screen. They are usually about blond women, black people and Mexicans. I take it you've been seeing watching those videos lately."

"Yeah, I guess so, eh," said Ezekiel, sighing.

"Don't worry about it," Duncan assured him. "We tell these jokes all the time. I once told a joke about gays and a fellow inmate who was gay has been trying to rape me since."

"How is that reassuring?" Noah demanded. Duncan realised what he just said.

"I guess I shouldn't have said that," he admitted. "But just be careful who you tell these jokes to," he told Ezekiel. Ezekiel nodded.

"Thank God Chef is locked out of the cabin," said Mike. "If he heard about that, then he'd try to rape you as well."

"I'm actually surprised Chef hasn't raped anyone yet," groaned Noah. "Knowing him, he'd probably join the priesthood if he was a Catholic."

"Hey, not all Catholic priests are creepy," Mike told him.

"Yes, but there are enough Catholic clergy who are practically clones of Chris McLean that it is cliché," Noah deadpanned. "Is Sikhism the only religion that is not fucked up in any way?"

"Apparently no," said Duncan. "There's atheism."

"Trust me," Noah pointed out, "there are bigoted atheists out there that mentally believe that people who believe in a supreme being, an afterlife or some life force are idiots."

"I guess so," said Duncan. He stretched in his bed. "Man, we should lock Alejandro, Chef and Harold out of the cabin every night!" he added. "I've never felt so rested in ages!"

"Yeah, well I'm not exactly sure if they are any worse than the lack of privacy that comes with pissing in the bucket," Noah deadpanned.

"Yeah and what if we have to do a poo, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

Duncan groaned. "Damn it, I never thought of that," he sighed. "We're just going to have to start shitting right after the challenges so we can continue keeping the creeps away from us!"

"Problems solved then," said Mike. All of a sudden, the door was kicked down, generating a loud bag when it hit the ground. An enraged Chef Hatchet stood behind the door. His eyes were bloodshot.

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS!" he bellowed. "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SUGGESTED TO LOCK ME, THE SPANISH PRETTY BOY AND THE N0-LIFE NERD OUTSIDE THE CABIN?!"

"It was on all of our minds," Noah begrudgingly assured the psycho war vet. "But that doesn't give you a right to treat a door with blatant disrespect. What did the door ever do to you?"

"SHUT UP SCRAWNY KID!" Chef exploded. He marched over to Noah with the intention of ripping his head off, but Alejandro stopped him.

"Easy senior!" the Spaniard hissed. "It's not worth the effort to end him. But we will have our vengeance in no time!"

"And how are you guys going to do it?" Duncan sneered. "There are only three of you guys."

"No, there are **four** of us!" Harold corrected the delinquent as he entered the cabin. "Anne Maria has joined our alliance! Curse your inability to remain up to date with the latest events! IDIOT!"

"HAROLD!" Alejandro exclaimed. "You were not supposed to tell anyone that you and Anne Maria joined the alliance!"

"It had to be done, GOSH!" Harold snapped.

"Why?" Alejandro demanded. "Why did it have to be done?!"

"They need to be educated!" Harold insisted. "The knowledge they contained prior to my revelation was not sufficient! GOSH!"

"That's it!" growled Alejandro, having had enough of Harold already. "Consider yourself out of the alliance!"

"Good!" snarled Harold. "I can no longer participate in an alliance that consists of an individual who is apathetic towards the limited education of one's fellow teammates, an individual who insists that military service is more important than third-level education and an individual who pollutes the environment with unnecessary beauty supplements! GOSH!"

* * *

**(End of Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "I don't know which is more disturbing," Noah groans. "Chef's bipolar disorder or Harold's lack of common sense for a relatively intelligent person? Either way, both of them need to go."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Mess Hall**

Chris slipped into the mess hall with his conventional toothy grin and barked:

"Greetings campers! Enjoying the tension caused by Harold as a result of Harold being the only one who bothered to do the write-out?"

Eva grunted, grabbed Harold by the collar and fired him at Chris in response. Chris ducked in the nick of time. Harold landed outside the door with a loud crunch and him yelping "GOSH!"

"I kinda saw that coming," said Chris, as he recomposed himself from the fitness buff's outburst. "Anyway, today's challenge involves a little thing called Virtual Reality! You-"

"_**Little**_?!" screeched Harold from outside. "Virtual Reality is not little! It's **BIG**! Curse your ignorance of the complications associated with Virtual Reality and Augmented Reality! IDIOT!"

Chris kicked the door shut in response. "Don't mind him," Chris assured the contestants. "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, you will be seated on chairs and special helmets hooked to a computer will be placed on your heads. I will explain the challenge once we're in the virtual world. Questions?" Chris asked. Noah raised his hand and asked:

"Where did you get the technology for this?"

"Oh, you'll see," Chris replied, fidgeting and letting out an evil laugh. With every passing second, Chris's laughter increased in both volume and intensity and his fidgeting became more rapid. This continued on for around fifteen minutes until one of the cameramen cleared his throat. Chris stopped what he was doing immediately and registered what he was doing. He looked at the campers, who were all giving the host concerned looks.

"Um, we should go," said Chris, awkwardly.

* * *

**Laboratory**

The contestants and Chris were in a laboratory underneath the mess hall, sitting in the chairs as the interns strapped all of them – bar Chris, of course – in.

"Hey, why are you getting your slaves to tie us up?!" demanded Jo.

"Safety reasons," said Chris. "I can't have a contestant who awakes early from the Virtual Reality universe killing all of the other contestants now can I? But just in case, make sure you don't kill Eva, Izzy or Chef until we're near the end of the challenge."

"There won't be pain, right?" Zoey asked, as the interns commenced placing the helmets on the contestants and Chris's heads.

"If you get injured, you may experience pain ranging from a second to fifteen seconds depending on the injuries," Chris explained. "Of course, the intensity of the pain will be relative to the intensity of the injury, so unless you are a freakish masochist or something, be careful. Injuries can also contribute to your deaths. If you die in the Virtual Reality world, you come back here. But as I've said before, you will still be strapped in until everyone has returned. Questions?" he asked, when the interns had placed the last helmet on Eva's head.

"You still haven't answered my question about where you got the technology from," Noah groaned.

"Well it's not my problem," Chris jeered, setting the dials on the machine right next to him that had all of the helmets connected to it via wires. With the flick of a switch, the machine was turned on. In no time, everyone was out cold.

* * *

**Virtual Reality Universe**

Chris and the contestants awoke a few seconds later to find themselves in a post-apocalyptic metropolitan area that looked like it was destroyed in a nuclear war. Chris flashed his usual toothy grin and said:

"This is… um; I don't know where the fuck this dump is. Fuck it, let's call it Limerick! Anyway, your main objective is to hide. If you get caught, I recommend running back to the giant circle we're standing on." Chris beckoned to the area surrounded by a blue circle. "If you arrive at the circle, you're safe from whatever is chasing you, and you are safe from elimination if your team loses. If you get caught, but fail to get to the circle, something terrible will happen to you and you are out of the challenge. If you get killed, you're out. The team with the most people who are safe wins, while the team with the least amount of people who are safe sends home one of the people on their team that is not safe."

"Who's chasing us?" asked LeShawna.

"You'll find out when you get caught," Chris assured her. "When I blow the horn, you'd better run and find someplace to hide. Ten minutes later, a song will play. When it's over, whatever is chasing you will be so angered by the song it will go on a killing spree. When an even more horrible song is played, you can rush back to the safety of the circle. Good luck!" And with that, Chris blew the horn and everyone rushed off to find someplace to hide.

* * *

**Ten Minutes Later**

"Oh Allah!" whined Noah. "Kill me now!"

Noah teamed up with Ezekiel and Izzy to hide. They were not having any luck finding someplace to hide as Izzy kept shagging the corpses that lay nearby. It was not helped by the fact that a _High School Musical_ song was playing in the background. Thankfully, Izzy stopped engaging in necrophilia and proceeded to dig a hole. Noah and Ezekiel shrugged and followed Izzy in the burrows she created. It was in vain, as they could still here the music. The music finally stopped, much to their relief.

Then they got lost in the burrows.

* * *

**Two Minutes Later**

Unlike Bridgette and even Lindsay, Anne Maria enjoyed the music.

"I hope they play that song again!" beamed Anne Maria. Bridgette and Lindsay looked at her with disturbed looks.

"Oh, your _Jersey Shore_ fetish is hurting my brain!" Lindsay groaned. Then she thought for a second. "What's a fetish?" she asked. Anne Maria face-palmed.

"Guys, we should worry more about finding someplace to hide from whatever is chasing us," Bridgette interjected. The trio came across Gwen, Duncan, Mike and Zoey and Bridgette asked:

"No luck finding a place to hide yet?"

"Actually," Mike replied, "we've found a bunker in the basement of the factory across the road, but there is a TV down there and it's on _MTV_. We can't turn it off and the only channel we can change it to is _The Disney Channel_." He, his girlfriend, Duncan and Gwen shuddered at the experience they endured in the bunker.

"Sounds like my kinda hideout," said Anne Maria, leaving.

"Where are you going?" Gwen asked.

"To the bunker, where else?!" Anne Maria replied, as if the answer was obvious. She left the warehouse the group was in. A few minutes later, there was a shrivelled scream that echoed throughout the area, sending shivers up the spines of what was left of the group.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Duncan –** "Why didn't we just go to the warehouse in the first place?!" Duncan questions himself. "If we did that, we would've avoided reminders of Anne Maria's goddamn habits!"

**Mike –** "Me and my big mouth," Mike sighs.

**(End of video diaries)**

* * *

**Three Minutes Later**

"This way, guys," Sierra directed, pointing towards an alleyway. "We're not too far now."

"Wow, Sierra, I'm impressed," Jo told her. "How did you know this place inside and out?"

"It is based exactly of my hometown," Sierra replied.

"I wonder how he's so familiar with the town you live in," Cameron wondered.

"According to my unauthorised research, Chris lived there for three years to study French," said Sierra. "And to work as an underground prostitute. There were a couple of brothels in my hometown until ten years ago when all of the prostitutes except Chris moved either to Switzerland, Australia or New Zealand."

"I never knew Chris lived an impoverished life," said Cody.

"Nah, he's a sex-addict," Dawn stated. "I can read it in his aura. He decided he wanted to get paid for doing what he likes."

"Right you are," said Sierra. After making sure that no one outside their group was watching, she shoved a wheeled-bin to the side, revealing a tunnel. "So, who wants to go in first?" Sierra asked. Beth smiled and crawled in; followed by Cameron, Dawn, Cody, Jo and Sierra. Unbeknownst to them, a certain cadet was spying on them.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Brick –** "Ha!" Brick cackles. "When I find whoever has been chasing us, I will reveal to it, him or her, or whatever, where Beth, Sierra, Cody, Dawn, Cameron and, of **course**, Jo, are hiding! Then Jo will be sorry for tricking me into being shifted by Izzy, who likes being on top! _**I**_ should always be on top! No exceptions!" Suddenly, the toilet miraculously shakes until Brick falls off the toilet seat.

**Sierra –** "Actually, I didn't go through Chris's personal files illegally," Sierra explains. "To be honest, Chris frequently states that he was a prostitute once, and that the only reason he no longer is prostitute is because he got a better job in the TV business after servicing a masochistic television personality. The only reason I know he worked in the city I live in is because he ran advertisements all around the city. Thankfully my mom didn't become obsessed over him until Chris became a TV star and left the sex-industry, otherwise things would not be pretty back home."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Seven Minutes Later**

"Sha-LIGHTNING!" Lightning exclaimed randomly, much to the chagrin of Scott, Heather, Justin and Blaineley.

"Great, thanks a lot, Lightning!" groaned Heather, sarcastically. "Why don't you say it louder?!"

"Alright," replied Lightning, not getting Heather's sarcasm at all. "Sha-IT!" he roared.

"SHE WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU FUCK-TARD!" Blaineley roared even louder.

"Yeah, that was helpful Blaineley," groaned Justin. Heather nodded in agreement. She did not want Blaineley around, but Scott informed her that Blaineley would make an excellent distraction for whatever is chasing them if they got caught, so Heather agreed to set aside her hatred of Blaineley for the duration of the challenge.

"Sha-thanks," Lightning smiled, still not getting the sarcasm and Blaineley's frustration. Suddenly, footsteps sounded. They occurred, along with the sound of heavy breathing.

"RUN!" screeched Scott. Justin jumped on Scott's lap, Heather jumped on Justin's lap and Lightning jumped on Heather's lap in fright. Blaineley grabbed the handlebars of Scott's wheelchair and pushed as she scurried away from the source.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "Why should I care if we lose because of Lightning?" Scott smirks. "If we have so send someone home, then we can get rid of Tyler. The sooner we can get rid of that clown, the better. Lightning was doing me a favour without me even asking him to do it."

**Heather –** "As much as I am grateful that Blaineley has saved our virtual lives, I still don't like her," Heather insists. "Granted, I'm glad Scott insisted we bring her along during the challenge. Plus, we can push her into the grip of whatever is chasing us if we need a distraction. But once Tyler is gone, she'd want to start kissing my feet!"

**Blaineley –** "I know how Scott managed to convince Heather to let me join their alliance for the duration of the challenge," says Blaineley. "But I **also** know they won't push me. Scott advised me to push him and whoever's on his lap on the wheelchair as we run to give Heather the false sense of security that I'm not going to kill her yet. Once Tyler is gone, she'd want to start kissing my feet!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Two Minutes Later**

Chef and Alejandro were walking through an old tavern.

Harold was following them.

"Did you know that the reason Irish people were generally more sober before the Celtic Tiger in the 1990's than they are now is because they usually consumed alcohol in public houses?" Harold gabbed. "And when they did, it was almost entirely beer or cider that was consumed sensibly, simply for the purpose of socialising with friends and family. Nowadays, young Irish people throw parties in nightclubs and their own homes where they drink shots and engage in coitus, usually without the utilisation of contraception despite contraception being legal in the Republic of Ireland since 1979 despite objections from the Roman Catholic Church."

"Harold, I don't mean to be rude, but SHUT THE FUCK UP!" roared Chef. "NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR USELESS FACTS THAT DON'T ADVANCE THE PLOT!"

"My 'useless' facts do too advance the plot!" Harold insisted. "They provide the viewers with information! Curse your inability and refusal to acknowledge that you are simply intimidated by my superior intellect! GOSH!" Chef had had enough. He grabbed Harold by the neck and fired him at the shelves that contained the alcohol. Harold smashed into the shelves, destroying them and shattering the bottles to pieces; effectively ending Harold's time in the Virtual Reality universe.

"Chef, you weren't supposed to slaughter Harold," Alejandro groaned.

"I can't help it," Chef replied. "He's been pissing me off. Besides, we're in a Virtual Reality universe anyway, so he's fine."

"But **you** won't be fine," Alejandro pointed out. "He may switch his target from Duncan to you as a consequence of your action."

"What do you care?" Chef demanded. "You threw him out of the alliance this morning, remember?"

"Yes, but then it occurred to me that unless we have Harold we'd be disadvantaged," Alejandro explained.

"Even with Harold we'd **still** be disadvantaged," Chef pointed out.

"Oh really?" Alejandro smirked. "Think about it, Chef. There are thirteen of us and three people in our alliance, including you and me. If I convince Harold to re-join our alliance, then there are four people in our alliance. I just need to make sure that the remaining nine are too divided to empower us. Three will vote for Harold, three will vote for you and then three will vote for either me or Anne Maria. This will enable the four of us to vote out our target with ease. Simple enough?"

"Actually, that was brilliant strategy," Chef beamed. Alejandro nodded in agreement. Suddenly, footsteps sounded. Chef and Alejandro whirled their heads around to face a door that led to what looked like the bartender's living quarters – not that there was a bartender running the dump anyway, considering that the tavern was deserted. Getting back to the topic, an eerily familiar silhouette emerged from the doorway.

"No!" yelped Alejandro, jumping into Chef's arms. "It c-can't be!"

"Did somebody say _**nine**_?" asked the silhouette.

* * *

**DUN, DUN, DUN!**

**Well I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter… well the first part of it anyway. It's futile to say you guys know who the silhouette belongs to. Anyway, I hope to have the second part up before Easter. I know that is two months away, but I'm returning to college Monday week. I will have very little time to update my stories because of the lectures, labs, tutorials, studying and interactions with my mates. I also have to update **_**My Big Fat Creepy Roommate**_** and Rise of the Planet of the Nine. I love all the reviews I've been getting, by the way. But I'll make sure to post the seventh chapter as soon as I can.**

**I apologise to all you Limerick residents out there for having Chris refer to the post-apocalyptic city as Limerick. That was just Chris being a douche. Believe it or not, Limerick is actually a relatively safe city. I know a few people who live there that have not witnessed any crimes whatsoever. Then again, there are a few suburban estates in the county of Limerick that are dangerous, but Limerick City's crime rate is not as bad as the crime rate in the town I live in, though I often say otherwise out of jealousy and denial.**

**OUT OF THE COMPETITION: Anne Maria and Harold.**

**PEOPLE IZZY SHAGGED: Blaineley, Justin, Scott, Harold, Noah, Chef, Brick and Lindsay.**

**The next chapter will have a lot of action, chase scenes, fighting, awkwardness, surprises and – you guessed it! – inappropriate shit in it. So look forward to that!**

**Until next time!**


	7. Day 6: Virtual Insanity (Part 2)

**Sorry for my four month delay. I had college. Plus, I was also working on other stories, including **_**Battle of the Wings**_**, which I have just completed. Still, four months is an awfully long time, even for my standards. Our previous hiatus was only three months compared to this. From now on, I will update at least once every three weeks, and I promise to publish six other chapters for this fic. That should compensate for this unnecessarily long hiatus. Before I continue, I will now respond to the reviews:**

**Kyrogue23 – Yeah… Harold may never go back to his normal self in this fic. I did say "may", so there's a chance that he will go back to his normal self. But after watching **_**Total Drama World Tour**_**, I couldn't help but love hearing Harold's technical facts and I find it funny how he corrects everyone. You have an idea for a challenge, eh? Hmm…**

**I'll Cover Angel and Collins – I'm glad you like Harold's facts. I like them as well. Of course, I can't speak for the other characters… even though I have power over their thoughts and actions. And of course, Trent will take ages to get over his number nine obsession, so we're still in luck, heh-heh.**

**Toaneo07 Ver2.0 – Yes, Izzy's creepy, but funny. That's what I love about her, though.**

**TotalDramaWreck – I agree; NO ONE would want to be chased by a nine-obsessed Trent. Thankfully I've never had any nightmares about it yet… which is ironic, considering that my dreams are where my sick ideas originate from. Though on the other hand, such nightmares would be interesting. But I'm glad you're excited about the challenge. I can see why you voted for B; the quiet ones do tend to conceal their sinister personalities, but we won't know for sure for a few chapters. Anyway, you've waited long enough for the update.**

**FayetalFlaws – I'm glad you like this story. Creepy Trent is my favourite kind of Trent too. Thanks to I'll Cover Angel and Collins, I have warmed up to Courtney, but I still don't like Scott. I do think he was a very innovative antagonist, though. I'm glad you're reviewing my story.**

**Continuing on from Kyrogue23's review, I have decided to let you guys be in with a chance to win a prize. Just to clarify, I don't mind how many reviews I get, but I like to allow some of the readers to have a bit of involvement in the making of this fic, other than simply reviewing. So here's the deal: I'm thinking of a magic number. Whichever review is that number, the person who sent that review will get to suggest an idea for a challenge and choose two people from either team that they want eliminated. Now if the review was anonymous, the prize will go to the sender of the nearest non-anonymous review. If you want any hints as to how close we are to the magic number, I can safely assure you that we have passed the quarter-way mark a few reviews back. I know that's a lot of reviews, but if I go for a smaller number, you guys would not be as competitive, therefore undermining the purpose of having a competition. Of course, I may cancel the competition if you guys feel it is not within the rules of this site. I'll let you guys be the judge of that, so let me know in your reviews whether or not the competition would be a good idea.**

**Well that's enough rambling now. Sit back, relax and try not to develop insomnia from reading the latest instalment of **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**!**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 6: Virtual Insanity (Part 2)

* * *

"Trent?!" Chef and Alejandro gasped in unison.

"Yup," said Trent.

"What are you doing here?!" Chef demanded, dropping Alejandro, resulting in a crunch in the ground. "I thought you were at Playa des Losers!"

"That is true, but Chris approached me and said he'd find a way to cure me of my number nine obsession if I join him in this virtual reality universe and capture as many of you as I can," Trent explained.

"I didn't see you at all while Chris was strapping us in!" snapped Alejandro, annoyed that Chef dropped him.

"That's because he strapped me in before strapping the rest of ye in," said Trent. "I was strapped into the chair behind Chris. He must have concealed it very well, if I do say so myself. Anyway, I've already caught Anne Maria. When I catch you guys, I will only have twenty-one more contestants to catch."

"Lemme guess," said Chef, rolling his eyes, "you want to catch twenty-four of us just so there'd only be nine maggots left?"

"Exactly!" beamed Trent. "You know what, Chef, if you add five more 'f's to the end of your name, I might designate you as one of the first prophets of the Number Nine Religion!"

"You're still on that?!" Chef groaned.

"Yes," Trent replied, as if the answer was obvious, "despite the fact that Courtney and Staci have taken me to see the shrink three times. Maybe if I see the shrink six more times, I will be blessed with salvation by the Ninth God even though I'm still alive!"

Before Chef or Alejandro could say something negative about Trent's mental health, the trio heard a groan and a "GOSH!" coming from behind the counter. Harold rose up and dusted himself. As it turned out, Harold – against all odds – survived the throw and received no cuts whatsoever; only bumps. He looked over at Chef and scowled.

"IDIOT!" he griped. "Shelves and glass bottles alone cannot kill a man in a **synthetic universe**, let alone a **cartoon**! Curse your incapability of registering this reality! GOSH!" Chef decided that it was more important to flee than to react to Harold's insults. He grabbed Harold and slung the lanky teen over his shoulder. He did the same to Alejandro, but over the other shoulder. He turned to Trent and said:

"Well, let me know when you've seen the shrink nine times! See ya!" With that, Chef ran out the door with a flash. It took Trent nine seconds to register what happened. He snarled and ran out the door in hot pursuit.

"GET BACK HERE!" he called out. "I CAN'T BE TWENTY-THREE CONTESTANTS AWAY FROM PLEASING THE NINTH GOD! SURRENDER NOW OR YOU SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF THE POWER OF THE NINE!"

Amidst all that rage, fury and determination, Trent ran into none other than Brick. Brick got up off the ground and looked at Trent, who also got up off the ground.

"Wait, are you the one who's chasing us?" Brick asked.

"Yes," said Trent.

Brick smiled evilly. "Well, I happen to know where six people are hiding."

"Ooh, six is my second favourite number, because it looks like an upside-down nine!" Trent beamed. "Where are they?"

"They're…" Brick paused and scratched his head. "Well, I forget where they are, but I can still help you **try** to find them," he suggested.

"Sorry, Brick, but that is not good enough for me," said Trent. "So I'll have to take you out of the challenge." And so Trent pounced onto Brick and drew out a machete. He stabbed the cadet in the left knee nine times, but with Trent singing: "Nine! Eighteen! Twenty-seven! Thirty-six! Forty-five! Fifty-four! Sixty-three! Seventy-two! EIGHTY-ONE!" Trent repeated the process as he stabbed Brick in the right knee, right forearm, left forearm, left shoulder, right shoulder, left foot, right foot and forehead while Brick was screaming at the top of his voice. Brick eventually died from his wounds and was brought back to reality while Brick's synthetic corpse faded to oblivion.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Brick –** "I can't believe I forgot where they were hiding," he mopes. "If only I wasn't tied to the chair, then I would've beaten Jo up, even though she's a girl." He pauses for a moment. "Maybe if we weren't tied up, I would've forced an intern to give Jo a sex-change operation against her will and **then** beat her up as a dude." He cackles evilly.

**Chef –** "Okay, I do regret throwing Harold at those darn shelves and I'm glad he survived the throw, but the eejit never shuts up!" he mopes. "After we escaped Trent, the lanky nerd no one likes started spewing random shit about zombies! I've already watched _The Walking Dead_! I didn't need to hear his crap!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Three Minutes Later**

Katie and Sadie were gabbing and gabbing about how hot Justin was (even though that is not entirely true). Little did they realise that Trent was sneaking right behind them.

* * *

**One Minute Later**

Blaineley continued rolling Scott's wheelchair until she crashed into a wall, resulting in Blaineley, Justin, Heather, Lightning and Scott laying in a heap on the ground. Suddenly, Trent showed up.

"SWEET DEVINE OF NINE!" beamed Trent. "NOW I'VE CAUGHT NINE CONTESTANTS!" And so he pounced on the contestants, stabbing them mercilessly.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Justin –** Justin is bawling and roaring. "WHY?! WHY DID TRENT STAB ME NINE TIMES IN NINE DIFFERENT PLACES?!" he wailed. "I KNOW IT WAS ONLY VIRTUAL REALITY, BUT EVEN IN VIRTUAL REALITY, I CANNOT BE SEEN ON INTERNATIONAL TV LOOKING UGLY LIKE THART! WAAAAAAAAAAH!"

**Heather –** "I am so glad that Trent has been eliminated!" Heather growls. "He's really creepy and his number nine obsession has gone too far! I mean, who stabs someone eighty-one times just to please some mythical superior being or something?!"

**Scott –** "I knew I could count on Mildred to run into the wall," Scott smirked. "With five of us down, we'll only need Tyler to be clumsy as fuck and B, LeShawna and Eva to continue being fat. We'll lose in no time. I can't wait to see Tyler gone!" The villain proceeds to cackle like a maniac and fidget rapidly in the same manner Chris did in the previous chapter until he pauses and realises that he's still on camera. "You'd better edit this out," he threatens.

**Blaineley –** "The crash was actually a mistake," says Blaineley. "I mean, who would want to get caught by Doctor Nine?! Well, we got caught, so I hope Scott's happy. I'll be sleeping with ten candles around my bed tonight."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Two Minutes Later**

A song played by a girly boy band played. Even though Chef, Alejandro and Harold hated that song – and of course, the band and the genre – they were relieved to have heard it because that meant they could run to the blue circle. By the time the song was over, the trio made it to the circle. However, they were obviously more relieved that the song was over. Chris approached them and said:

"Congratulations! You have made it to the Blue Circle of Tens! I'm sure you know why I called it that."

"Yep," said Alejandro, Chef and Harold in unison.

"Well I must go announce the score so far to everyone else," said Chris. "You might want to cover your ears," he suggested. The trio complied, and Chris whipped out his loudspeaker and put on his earmuffs.

"THREE CONTESTANTS FROM TEAM BLUE HAVE MADE IT TO THE BLUE CIRCLE OF TENS! NINE CONTESTANTS ARE OUT!"

"NINE!" shrieked Trent, as he stabbed B in the same manner as he stabbed his previous victims. Oddly enough, B was screaming silently.

"OKAY, MAKE THAT TEN CONTESTANTS OUT!" barked Chris.

"NO, NOT TEN!" shrieked Trent. Fortunately for Trent, DJ and Geoff happened to be walking by, talking about sports, animals and parties.

* * *

**Five Minutes Later**

LeShawna was having no luck whatsoever in finding a place to hide. However, she saw Chef, Harold and Alejandro standing at the Blue Circle of Tens. Alejandro was thinking up plans to help him get further in the game. Chef was glaring at Harold. Harold was unaware of this, as he was picking his nose and wiping the contents on his pants. Shrugging, the diva walked over to the circle. She glared daggers at the three Team Blue members.

"What?!" demanded Chef.

"I don't approve of your treatment with Zeke!" LeShawna scolded. She turned to Alejandro and said: "I'm still angry with you for what ya did to me in Season Three!" She turned to Harold. "And you! Swooning over you was the biggest mistake of my life! Your grudge against Sam and Geoff make no sense, especially when the reason Geoff picked on you was because of all the times you used to put him, DJ and Duncan down!"

"I had to correct them! They were being idiots, GOSH!" Harold protested.

"Not interested!" snapped LeShawna, turning her back on the trio.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Chef –** "All I did was knock some sense into the redneck," Chef insists, although you can hear the uncertainty in his voice.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Five Minutes Later**

Eva was chasing Tyler because he accidentally knocked down the fortress she worked hard at building.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE PRICK!" she roared, as she and Tyler ran down alleyway after alleyway. They continued running until Tyler slammed into a lamppost and Eva slammed into another lamppost which was inconveniently placed fifty centimetres further. Trent showed up and smiled. Tyler noticed him after letting go of the lamppost and snarled.

"Oh, so it is **you** who's been chasing us! Well I oughta teach ya a lesson!" And so the meathead jock lunged for Trent, only to get kicked down to the ground and stabbed eighty-one times in nine different places by Trent. By the time Trent was done, Eva finally recomposed herself from her injury and glared daggers at Trent.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME?!" she bellowed. "WELL I'LLL PROVE YOU OTHERWISE!"

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Eva –** "I didn't know he had it in him," says Eva. "But I still refuse to get over the fact that he managed to stab me eighty-one times in nine different places, and sustain only a few bruises out of this! I hope his afterlife is filled with tens!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Five minutes later**

Trent found Bridgette, Duncan, Gwen, Lindsay, Mike and Zoey at the warehouse. He had them cornered.

"HA! HA! HA!" cackled Trent. "FACE THE WRATH OF THE POWER OF THE NINE!"

Suddenly, Mike gasped.

"SVETLANA VILL SAVE ZE DAY!" Mike chirped, as he grabbed Zoey, Bridgette, Duncan, Gwen and Lindsay and wrapped his left arm around them, and grabbed a vine with his right hand. Mike swung from the vine and the group of six escaped Trent.

Well, most of them did. Lindsay ran into a wall while Bridgette tripped. It was too late for her to get up and continue running. So all she could do was screech:

"JUST KEEP GOING! YOU'LL MAKE IT!"

"NO!" shrieked Gwen. She ran over to save Bridgette and Lindsay. It was a bad mistake on her part. Trent apparently got over his breakup with Gwen, so he no longer had any hang-ups with doing the same to Gwen he was doing to Bridgette and Lindsay. Duncan lunged for Trent and dragged the nine-obsessed musician into a fist-fight, but being in a Virtual Reality universe had obviously given Trent superhuman strength and superhuman resistance. In the end, Duncan suffered the same fate his girlfriend, Bridgette, Lindsay and fourteen other people suffered. Mike and Zoey knew they had to continue for their friends, so Mike – or Svetlana – climbed to the top of a building and jumped from building to building, with Zoey on his back, until they made it to the Blue Circle of Tens.

"We made it!" Zoey gasped.

"We did, babe, we did!" beamed Mike, kissing his girlfriend, upon returning back to normal. Chef and Alejandro sighed with relief, knowing that their team was going to win. Sure, they had invincibility because they already made it to the circle with Harold, but Anne Maria did not have invincibility, and they needed her for the alliance in future eliminations. They knew very well that Noah, Mike and some of the girls on their team wanted Anne Maria eliminated.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Alejandro –** "I cannot lose Anne Maria, but since she presumably got eliminated by Trent already, well she'd be in danger from elimination from the competition altogether if our team lost," Alejandro sternly explains. "That's why I'm glad we are likely to win again. With five out of six of the competitors that are safe from Trent being Team Blue members, I can safely guarantee the stability of our alliance." Alejandro smiles evilly.

**Chris –** "If you did not understand a word he was saying because you weren't paying attention because what he was saying was so boring, then I don't blame ya," Chris assures the viewers.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Seven Minutes Later**

"Okay, I think the coast is clear," hissed Sierra. She, Beth, Cody, Cameron, Jo and Dawn were sitting together in a big room, where the tunnel apparently lead to. The windows were boarded up, and the doors were locked. Other than the tunnel, there was no other way out.

"We need to be very quiet," Sierra added. "We can't let whoever is chasing us catch us." Her allies nodded as Sierra led the way through the tunnel, out the alleyway and down the streets until they could see the Blue Circle of Tens.

Unfortunately, Trent ran right in front of them. Jo pounced on them, but it was a bad mistake. She ordered her teammates to leave her be and continue running towards the circle. They reluctantly complied. Sadly, Cameron and Beth were unable to fulfil Jo's demands. They tripped, and as soon as Trent was finished with Jo, he moved on the Beth and Cameron. Thankfully, Cody, Dawn and Sierra made it to the Blue Circle of Tens. Trent stood up and counted the number of people that made it to the circle.

"NINE!" Trent shrieked with joy. "I'VE PLEASED THE NINTH GOD WITH NINE SURVIVORS!"

Suddenly, the ground shook. Izzy burst out through the ground, followed quickly by Ezekiel and Noah. This left behind a tunnel in the ground, surrounded by a debris of rocks. Trent shrieked in terror when he realised that Noah, Ezekiel and Izzy might undermine "the Power of the Nine". He stood up and chased after them.

"GET BACK HERE, OR YOU SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF THE POWER OF THE NINE!" Trent bellowed. Ezekiel tripped over a pothole and fell flat on his face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, eh?!" shrieked Ezekiel, as Trent proceeded to stab him eighty-one times in nine different places. Noah tripped over a pothole that was a further fifteen metres down the road. He too fell flat on his face.

"Perfect," Noah deadpanned, as Trent got up off of Ezekiel and moved on to do the same thing to Noah as he did to Ezekiel.

Meanwhile, Izzy made it to the Blue Circle of Tens.

"AND WITH SIX SURVIVORS, TEAM BLUE WINS!" barked Chris.

"SIX?!" screeched Trent, looking up from Noah's corpse. He counted the number of survivors standing within the Blue Circle of Tens. There were ten.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked Trent. "THERE CAN'T BE TEN! I HATE TEN! I'M GOING TO EXIT THIS VIRTUAL REALITY WORLD SO I CAN PERSONALLY SEND ALL OF YOU BLASPHEMOUS HERETICS TO THE PLACE DEVOID OF THE NUMBER NINE!" And so, Trent stabbed himself eighty-one times in nine different places before he and Noah vanished. Chris rolled his eyes as he pushed a red button on his remote.

Then everything went black.

* * *

**Laboratory**

Chris and the ten survivors woke up to see Trent struggling to break free from the constraints.

"And that," said Chris, "is why I had Trent tied to his chair with ropes." The interns freed the contestants and Trent was injected with a substance that put him to sleep for the next ten hours.

"Anyway," Chris continued, "Team Blue, since you guys won the challenge, you guys get to watch The Walking Dead!" The members of Team Blue, even the ones who've already seen the whole programme, whooped with joy. Then they paused when they realised that Harold was on their team.

"Chris, I'm stoked with the prize, but can we make Harold shut up so that we won't have to hear him scream advice to the characters on the screen and bore us to death with his useless facts about shit?" asked Duncan. Chris nodded and snapped his fingers. An intern wrapped duct tape around Harold's mouth. Everyone else on Team Blue – even Alejandro, Chef and Anne Maria – sighed with relief. Chris turned to the other two teams and said:

"Team Green and Team Red! You guys sucked! But since LeShawna was the only one on Team Red who made it to the Blue Circle of Tens, Team Red will be eliminating someone on their team tonight! Oh, and LeShawna gets immunity!"

"Hell yeah!" beamed LeShawna. Meanwhile, everyone else on Team Read was glaring at Tyler. Tyler was glaring at Lightning.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "Am I peed off that LeShawna is immune?" says Heather. "No. There is someone else I'm voting out."

**Eva –** "I could vote out Mildred!" Eva scowls. "BUT THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE WHO SHOULD GO BEFORE I CRUSH THEIR SKULL!" she bellows.

**Tyler –** "I vote out Lightning, because he's useless, clumsy, a failure at everything, poorly coordinated, dumb and overconfident!" says Tyler.

**Harold –** Harold tries to share a list of facts about duct tape, but he cannot be heard as the duct tape muffles whatever he tries to say. All we can hear is a raspy version of the sounds Kenny from _South Park_ makes.

**Izzy –** "Izzy's decided to shag Trent!" Izzy chirps.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Trent lay asleep in the Hurl of Shame while Chris tallied up the results. The musician was covered up in wet spots because half an hour ago, Izzy carried Trent's sleeping body out to the woods for some 'fun'.

"Campers, there are nine of you guys-" said Chris.

"NINE!" Trent shouted in his sleep.

"Yeah…" said Chris, "but there are only eight marshmallows on this plate. The camper who does not get a marshmallow must walk down the Dock of Shame, climb aboard the Hurl of Shame and get flung over to Playa des Losers. The first marshmallow goes to… LeShawna!" He tossed the marshmallow over to LeShawna, who caught it with a smile.

"And that's how Little LeShawna roll!" she whooped.

"Yeah, whoopee," sneered Chris, "and the next marshmallow goes to… B! The next four marshmallows go to… Heather, Eva, Justin and, surprisingly, Blaineley. The rest of you guys, however, have racked up quite a few votes." However, neither Scott nor Lightning nor Tyler were worried.

"One of you got one vote, another one of you got two votes, and the other got six," Chris went on. "The dude who got one vote is…

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"…Lightning!" Chris tossed the marshmallow to Lightning.

"Sha-LIGHTNING!" Lightning boasted. Then he blew Tyler a raspberry. Tyler blew a raspberry back at Lightning.

"Seriously, guys, that is just immature, even for you," Chris scolded. "But I digress. The final marshmallow of the night goes to…

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"…Scott!" Chris tossed the marshmallow to Scott. You can sense the aura of victory coming from his eyes.

"Tyler, you have been eliminated," said Chris. "So what do you have to say for yourself?" Tyler turned his head to his team and snarled.

"YOU THINK YOU GUYS ARE SO TOUGH WITHOUT ME, HUH?! WELL I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM THE WHOLE REASON THIS TEAM HAS AVOIDED TWO ELIMINATIONS, EVEN THOUGH ACTUALLY TEAM GREEN HAD A FEW PROBLEMS THEN! BUT YOU GUYS HAVE JUST VOTED OUT WHO WOULD'VE BEEN THE FIERCEST COMPETITOR ON YOUR TEAM IN FUTURE CHALLENGES!"

"How could you have been the fiercest competitor on our team in future challenges had we not voted you out if we've got Eva?" Heather questioned Tyler.

"Well…" Tyler struggled to come up with a response. "Well, for one, I can tell you, I CAN FIGHT THROUGH ADVERSITY! For example, right now, I AM GOING TO FIGHT THROUGH ADVERSITY WITH LIGHTNING!" Tyler lunged for Lightning and dragged him into a fight. Unsurprisingly, Lightning won because within a few seconds he was on top of Tyler, bending Tyler's leg.

Actually, Lightning **would** have won, if Lindsay had not showed up. She gasped at what she saw and pounced at Lightning.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY TYLER, YOU BULLY?!" shrieked Lindsay, punching Lightning in the face. This left Lightning with a black eye. Lightning shot up and ran screaming and crying to his cabin. Lindsay helped Tyler up.

"Tyler, are you okay?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine babe," said Tyler. "I will miss you, but I will promise you this: I WILL FIGHT THROUGH ADVERSITY!" And so, Tyler and Lindsay had a long embrace which included several French kisses. They pulled away. Tyler grabbed his luggage, turned to Lindsay and said:

"You can do this! I know you can!" And so Tyler placed his luggage on Trent, climbed onto Trent and they were flown off to Playa des Losers when Chris pulled the lever.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "You know what, I didn't know Lindsay had it in her," Heather smirks. "But I still don't like her!" she warns.

**Lightning –** Lightning is still bawling and roaring from when Lindsay gave him the black eye. "Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" wails Lightning.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Playa des Losers**

Tyler and Trent landed in the pool. Trent remained asleep, so Tyler had to carry Trent out of the pool and place him on one of the lounge chairs. Courtney and Dakota walked out and saw Tyler. They waved, and Tyler waved back.

"I bet that alliance got you kicked out, huh," said Dakota.

"Yeah, curse that Lightning," growled Tyler. "At least my Lindsay gave him the black eye. He ran off screaming and crying to his cabin."

"So how was the challenge with Trent in it?" Courtney asked.

"Trent was crazy," Tyler replied.

"I see," sighed Courtney. She looked over at her sleeping friend and said: "I'm beginning to think that maybe there is something on that island that's been triggering his number nine obsession."

* * *

Brick was going for a walk in the woods, contemplating his future plans to destroy Jo, when all of a sudden, a pair of hands clamped over his mouth and pulled him into the bushes.

"Quit squirming Brick!" hissed a voice coming from behind the cadet. It sounded like Batman's voice. "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help you," the voice assured you.

"Who are you?!" Brick demanded, turning to face his assailant, who was wearing a Batman mask. "Batman?!"

"No, Brick," the figure in the Batman mask groaned. "This is just a mask and a fake voice I've been practicing on. Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to be in an alliance with me."

"What's in it for me?" asked Brick.

"You will get to outlast Jo in the competition," the figure in the Batman mask assured the cadet. "Not only that, but until then, we will torture Jo, and I will take you with me to the finals."

"Really?" asked Brick.

"Really," said the figure in the Batman mask.

"Deal!" beamed Brick. "But who are you?" he asked.

The figure in the Batman mask sighed. "If I tell you, do you swear never to tell anyone about the alliance?" the figure in the Batman mask asked.

"On my country's constitution, I swear to keep our alliance a secret!" Brick exclaimed.

"Not so loud, Brick-head," the figure in the Batman mask sneered. "Okay, here it goes." The figure in the Batman mask grabbed onto the mask. However, before the figure in the Batman mask could be unmasked, the camera cuts to the next scene.

* * *

Team Blue were in the prefab watching _The Walking Dead_ on a 60 inch 3D smart TV. Halfway through their TV marathon, Ezekiel got up and headed towards the door.

"Hey Zeke, where are you going?" Duncan asked the prairie.

"Oh, I'm just going for a piss, eh," said Ezekiel.

"Meanwhile, Izzy's going to break into the female side of Team Red's cabin and shag Mildred!" Izzy chirped, zipping out the door. Ezekiel follows her out the door.

However, Ezekiel did not go to the communal washrooms. Instead, he headed out to the woods. When he was certain no-one was looking, Ezekiel whipped out his mobile phone, dialled a number and put the top end of the device to his ear.

"It's me," said Ezekiel. "Yeah, so far, no one suspects a thing… I made only one enemy… the rest hated Ezekiel before the season started... Yeah, I guess it was overkill to take a dump in the hot tub, sit on Chef's lap and tell those nasty jokes, but who cares? Ezekiel is the one who'll get all the crap. These guys are saps. Soon enough, 'Ezekiel's' run will be so controversial, his fanbase will abandon the show altogether!"

Ezekiel, or should I say, whoever is disguised as Ezekiel, endured an evil laugh. Unbeknownst to him, however, he was being watched.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Izzy –** "Oh, so it was an imposter all along, was it?!" Izzy gasps. "Well, while I did enjoy 'Ezekiel's' antics, I knew that couldn't be Ezekiel! Especially when he knows eight languages! Mark my words: Izzy will unmask that imposter! And then shag him!"

**Figure in the Batman mask –** "That Brick is a lunatic!" the figure in the Batman mask spits. "He aspires to become an important figure in the military, yet he goes around screaming and crying, easily falling for Jo's pranks and sleeps with his stuffed teddy! Even if Canada does bring in conscription, which we won't need because of Izzy, I sure hope that Brick-head gets an exemption on grounds of having a psychiatric disorder or something. He wouldn't last a day if he was assigned to a battalion that had the most lenient sergeant in the world! That is why I'm going to have so much fun manipulating him!" the figure in the Batman mask cackles.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**DUN! DUN! DUN!**

**So who is the figure in the Batman mask? I know who it is, but you guys don't! Your only hint is that the figure in the Batman mask is the main antagonist of the show. You will find out eventually. But rest assured; the revelation may very well shock you. But if you haven't voted in the poll, then vote. You're opinion matters, and if you guess it correctly, you will be amazed with yourself. By the way, I actually do like Brick. He's in my top ten, even. He's certainly nothing like the Brick in you've read in this fic. But he makes a very good antagonist – and psychopath – if you decide to make Jo's bullying of Brick a major topic of the fic. I still like Brick much more than I like Jo.**

**What is with Ezekiel? Who's the imposter disguised as our favourite prairie kid? What has happened to the real Zeke? And who the Hell was the imposter talking to over the phone? Well, at least that explains 'Ezekiel's' messed up antics over the last few chapters. Admittedly, I was not planning on this, but then I realised that I made Ezekiel very controversial in this fic, so I decided to throw in a twist. Plus, it would make for a very awesome sub-plot.**

**I just realised that if I published this chapter and the previous one as just one chapter, it would've had at least 11,000 words, therefore being the longest chapter so far. Well, that would've been awesome, but I guess a little suspense would do you guys some good. Plenty of authors do that. But it does mean that this chapter is so far the shortest chapter I have written for this story.**

**VOTING RESULTS:**

**B – Scott**

**Blaineley – Tyler**

**Eva – Tyler**

**Heather – Tyler**

**Justin – Tyler**

**LeShawna – Scott**

**Lightning – Tyler**

**Scott – Tyler**

**Tyler – Lightning**

**TYLER: 6**

**SCOTT: 2**

**LIGHTNING: 1**

**ELIMINATED: Staci, Courtney, Trent, Owen, Dakota, Sam and Tyler.**

**PEOPLE IZZY SHAGGED: Blaineley, Justin, Scott, Harold, Noah, Chef, Brick, Lindsay and Trent.**

**So Trent is the ninth person to get shifted by Izzy. When he finds out before he is cured of his number nine obsession, he will be excited. Afterwards, he probably wouldn't care. Man, my Izzy is such a beast!**

**The next chapter should be up around sometime next week. Now that I have done my exams, I will more time to work on my other stories for the next three and a half months, and my main priority now is updating **_**Watch Out Girls! It's Sierra!**_** My goal this summer is to get that story finished, along with **_**Ocrais**_**. I'll continue updating **_**My Big Fat Creepy Roommate**_** and **_**Rise of the Planet of the Nine**_** as long as the demand keeps on coming (I'll try to get those updated this week as well). There's not a hope for me completing **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_** this summer, or next summer, or before 2016, heh-heh.  
**

**Until next time!**


	8. Day 7: Unter Facts

**Another two weeks, another update for **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**. It looks like the second hiatus is now over. I did promise to have the thirteenth chapter up by the beginning of September, but there's a probability that I might have even more chapters up. Who knows, we might even make it to the merge by the end of January next year, which is earlier than I'm really expecting, but it's a nice goal to aim for, so I will try to stick to it as best as I can. Now, onto the reviews:**

**Kyrogue23 – I agree. Trent's number nine obsession is definitely a problem which, hopefully, will be rectified by the end of this fic. But I love Trent's number nine obsession. It's just crazy, weird and downright hilarious. Try psyching the characters up sometime. You'll be amazed.**

**Toaneo07 Ver2.0 – I'm glad you liked the twist. I can assure you, the real Zeke in this fic will not be as ignorant as the imposter makes out.**

**I'll Cover Angel and Collins – I'm glad you loved it. You think either Chef or Alejandro is the figure in the Batman mask? Interesting observation. Chef and Alejandro sure have gotten desperate for more allies now that their team hates them. But we'll see when the next few chapters have been published. Who the figure in the Batman mask is may or may not be the last person you would expect. Your hatred of Lightning makes two of us. He's at the very bottom of my list. You have waited long enough for this chapter… even though it's been only two weeks, compared to my four moth hiatus, heh-heh.**

**Helmet 798 – Yes. What is a **_**Total Drama**_** competition fic without Creepy Trent? Well, there are such fics out there that are legitimately fantastic, but if I were to write such a fic, well, it wouldn't be as good as this fic, that's for sure. I knew I did a good job with the way he stabbed Brick, himself and others, however disturbing some readers may find it. Harold is one of my favourite characters as well, but I find it funnier to write him in a way where he's constantly correcting others without having any regards for other people's feelings. There may be a chance that this will stop towards the end of this fic and apologise for his remarks though. I'm glad you liked how Lindsay punched Lightning, the twist about the imposter posing as Zeke and the unravelling of the unidentified main antagonist wearing a Batman mask. Your observation of 'Imposter Zeke' is quite riveting, but it may or may not be the case. Izzy may have a hard time bringing 'Imposter Zeke' to her teammates, but who knows? Maybe someone will believe her. And while Izzy's fellow contestants may be tired of Izzy harassing them, it would be futile to vote her out. She'll probably sneak back on the island and harass them anyway, so they might as well keep her as long as she's doing well in challenges or not, strategically speaking, a threat. Thank you for your long review, and in return, you get a long reply.**

**Potterpalgirl123 – Glad you liked Psycho Trent. I'm sure Trent will get over the fact that ten people instead of nine survived, probably as soon as he gets cured of his number nine obsession. The real Zeke is currently at an undisclosed location.**

**Guest – You want Izzy to have a nine-way? Yikes! You just gave me another twisted idea.**

**So far, no one has commented on the contest outlined in the previous chapter, so I'm going to assume that no one's against it. We're almost two thirds away from the magic number. But if you still think that's unorthodox, I need to know now. I hate being accused of breaking the rules of our wonderful site.**

**In the meantime, enjoy this epic chapter of **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**!**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 7: Unter Facts

* * *

"Last time on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "We had our first virtual reality challenge, which brought on a series of serious twists! Trent returned, obviously still yet to be cured of his number nine obsession, and stabbed all but ten people!" Chris paused to hear Trent wail for nine seconds all the way from Playa des Losers and the sadist grinned. "The way he stabbed the twenty-three losers' avatars, however, had officially ended our show's run in several more countries, except Canada, Japan, most Western European countries and New Zealand, among others. I mean, why would they ban this show? These countries are full of weirdoes, especially them English-speaking European countries. In the end, Trent had a tantrum because he only wanted nine people to be spared, but instead ten people were spared." Chris paused again to hear Trent wail for nine seconds again. "Sucks to be you, Trent, sucks to be you! After the challenge, Tyler was sent home thanks to Scott and Heather's alliance, which has now had its first official success since it began a few episodes back. Despite the success, Tyler still won in the end after his girl gave Lightning the black eye, causing him to cry in an odd way. Seriously dude… that's just a strange way to cry. Other exciting twists included the figure in the Batman mask proposing an alliance with Brick to help him get back at Jo for tormenting him, and Ezekiel turning out to be an imposter. Well, I guess that makes sense. I knew he can't be that ignorant. Now, while I am relieved that Zeke won't be losing his fanbase, I honestly could care less about the imposter. Hey, it brings the ratings, and if you've got problems with that, then you're just a hysterical fucking eejit. Will Trent be cured of his number nine obsession soon? Will Lightning get his revenge against Lindsay for embarrassing him? Will the true identity of the figure in the Batman mask ever be revealed before the season's run ends? And will Izzy unravel the imposter posing as Ezekiel before she shags another person? That last one is definitely not going to happen, I can tell you that! Find out the answers to the first three questions eventually, right here, on _TOTAL DRAMA: ISLAND RENEWED_!"

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

Noah woke up, sat up on his bed, stretched and yawned, only to see a silhouette looming above him. He scowled. "Alright Harold, what do you want this time?" he demanded.

Harold stood up straight by his bed, giving the bookworm a dorky stare. "Did you know watermelons are technically berries?" he gabbed.

"Yeah, great to know Harold," Noah deadpanned.

"Did you know that you are less likely to win the lottery than you are to get run over by a vehicle in motion while you cross the road on your way to purchasing the lottery ticket at the newsagents?" Harold gabbed.

"In that case, let's hope the odds of you winning the lottery go up," Noah deadpanned.

"Did you know you are more likely to contract deadly germs from shaking hands with another individual than you are from kissing that individual on the cheek?" Harold gabbed.

"Well, I can assure you that I have no intentions on doing either with you," Noah deadpanned. "Harold, did you ever stop to wonder why we placed duct tape over your mouth?"

"I am assuming that you guys were intimidated by my superior intellect."

"You're on the right track, but we also put on that duct tape to shut you up. Why did you take it off? Wait, don't answer that. I know you took it off because you want to continue spewing more useless facts that you ripped off from Twitter. So instead, tell me what are you doing up this early?"

"I changed my schedule yesterday," Harold replied. "From now on, I'm getting up at half five in the morning, having my shower, getting my teeth flossed and brushed, getting dressed and waiting for the next person to wake up so I can share my knowledge with them. Did you know that it's better to clean your teeth before having your breakfast because the toothpaste creates a shield on your teeth that protects them against gunk which you may sustain while you eat your breakfast?" he added.

"Harold, why did you choose to get up at half five in the morning?" Noah demanded.

"I like to get things out of the way," said Harold. "Did you know that procrastinating actually makes the task that you are trying to avoid even more unpleasant?"

"Did you know that I don't give a shit?!" snarled Noah. "And by the way, avoiding procrastination may be a good thing, but getting up so early and standing so close to someone else's bed like a statue is not a good thing. It's a strange thing. It will cost you your performance in challenges. Not only that, it will also cost you your reputation with your teammates for being creepy… not that you had a good reputation to begin with."

"Your loss," said Harold, shrugging. He turned to Mike as Mike yawned and awoke.

"Hey, Mike, did you know that-"

"Ah, shut yer trap, ya no-good brat!" groaned Chester, jumping off the bed, grabbing Harold and tossing him out the door. Apparently, Mike got so frustrated listening to Harold he decided to let Chester deal with him.

"Thanks for that, Chester," said Noah. He paused. "What a minute, Mike, I thought you said you got rid of your multiple personalities," he stated, as Mike reclaimed control over his body.

"Yeah..." Mike explained. "You see, I forgot I still had them until yesterday. Then I realised that the reason why they haven't been fucking up my life was because I simply wasn't letting them. I have full control over them now. Oh yeah, and Vito found out that Anne Maria likes _Jersey Shore_, so he's not interested in her anymore."

"Well thank Allah for that," said Noah. Duncan awoke and yawned.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

"You should be glad you did," said Noah.

"Where's Harold, eh?" asked Ezekiel, as he woke up.

"I threw him out," said Mike. "You now have your bed to yourself."

"Yeah, how do you put up with him for a bunkmate?" Duncan wondered.

"Oh, I slept with other animals on the farm, eh, so sharing a bed with Harold ain't so bad, eh," Ezekiel replied.

"Zeke, you do realised that what you've just said sounded so wrong, right?" said Alejandro.

"Or maybe you're just twisting his words because you are a slippery eel," Noah spat. "Seriously, were you awake this whole time?!"

"Yes," said Alejandro.

"Okay, that's just… strange," said Mike.

"So you've been awake this whole time while Harold was killing my ears with his uber facts?" Noah growled.

"Hey now, friend, you can't have everything your way," Alejandro assured the bookworm.

"I'm not your friend," snapped Noah. "Not even your acquaintance. Your only friends on this island are Anne Maria, Harold and Chef, and those are not exactly the type of people I want to call my friends." Sadly, Chef was awake when Noah said that.

"Said some-in 'bout me, scrawny-kid?!" hissed Chef.

"Great, another person awake during my ordeal with Harold," groaned Noah.

"You'd better pray I don't come after ya, scrawny kid!" hissed Chef, getting up and leaving for his shower. A second later, Harold reappeared.

"Did you know that-" Before Harold could finish his sentence, Mike gasped and became Svetlana.

"SVETLANA VILL ZAVE ZE DAY ZAGEN!" Svetlana chirped, as she swung over to Harold, grabbed Harold by the neck and threw Harold out the window. Harold landed outside with a loud "GOSH!"

"What would we do without you Mike?" Duncan praised Mike, as Svetlana went back to Mike.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Mike –** "My MPD is now proving itself useful today," says Mike.

**Harold –** "Twice Mike has interrupted me while I was showing my mad skills!" Harold gripes. "Curse his reluctance to acknowledge my superior intellect! IDIOT!"

**Noah –** "After just ten minutes of being awake, today became the worst day of my life," Noah bluntly states. "And it's gonna get worse, Turkey!" Chef snarls from outside. Noah panics and rattles on the window to escape, but it is locked. "Perfect," he deadpans, as Chef breaks down the door. "Also perfect," Noah deadpans, as Chef grabs Noah by the arms.

**Noah –** Ten minutes later, Noah's right arm is bandaged and in a sling. "Again, perfect," he deadpans.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

Lindsay was sitting on her bed, crying. Bridgette had a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I can't believe Tyler's gone?" Lindsay sobbed. Zoey sat down next to Lindsay and held her hand.

"I feel your pain, Lindsay," Zoey sighed. "If you need anything, we're here for you."

"Thanks," sobbed Lindsay, hugging Zoey.

"Hey, Blondie, keep it down!" Anne Maria ordered.

"Wow, that is very sympathetic of you," Gwen sneered, rolling her eyes.

"I can't finish mah beauty sleep with Blondie pissin' outta her eyes!" Anne Maria defended herself.

"Anne Maria, can't you see that Lindsay lost her boyfriend because of Scott?!" Zoey was getting angry.

"Yeah, well I lost mah Vito cos o' you!" Anne Maria was getting angry.

"Guys, this is getting ugly," Bridgette interjected. "We should focus more on helping Lindsay get through with this."

"Ah, she'll see her boyfriend soon enough," spat Anne Maria. "And if she keeps bawlin', she may even see her BF today."

"If you keep being an asshole, maybe you'll see Courtney, Dakota, Owen, Sam, Staci, Trent and Tyler today!" Gwen threatened. She realised that her remark may have offended Lindsay. She turned to Lindsay and said: "I'm sorry for what I said, Lindsay."

"It's okay, Greta," Lindsay replied. "It's Andy Mandy that's being a meanie."

"Who's Andy Mandy," Anne Maria wondered. The other girls decided not to tell her that Lindsay was referring to her.

"You'll get through this," Bridgette assured Lindsay. "Tyler would want you to stay strong for him."

"I know, but it's so hard," Lindsay sighed.

"Y'know what's so hard?!" Anne Maria spat. "Sharin' a room with cry-babies!"

"Shut up, Anne Maria!" Gwen finally snapped.

"Ya wanna take this outside?!" snarled Anne Maria, pulling back her sleeve.

"YES PLEASE!" Izzy chirped, rising up from the covers of Anne Maria's bed, grabbing Anne Maria by the wrist and dragging the Jersey chick outside for what Izzy called 'fun', before Anne Maria could protest.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Gwen –** "Nothing like the sweet feeling of someone getting their karma," she beams.

**Anne Maria –** "She may have been hot, but that Izzy's goin' next," Anne Maria complains. "She didn't let me have time to strip outta mah PJs and now I have to clean them again. If only I knew how to use da washer!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

"GET OUT!"

"NO!"

"I SAID GET OUT!"

All was not well in the female side of Team Red's cabin. Eva was having a fit, and this, unsurprisingly, was pissing Heather, LeShawna and Blaineley off. Eva pointed her fingers at each of her cabin-mates and scowled.

"MY MP3-PLAYER IS MISSING! SOMEONE TOOK IT!" she roared.

"Why do you need to through us out of **our** cabin?!" Heather demanded.

"SO I CAN LOOK THROUGH YOUR STUFF AND FIND OUT WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS TOOK IT, WITHOUT ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES INTERVENING!" bellowed Eva, shoving her cabin-mates out the door and locking it.

Outside, LeShawna turned to Blaineley and Heather and glared at them. "Okay, someone took Eva's MP3-player and it wasn't me," snapped LeShawna.

"Well it wasn't me," Heather snapped back.

"Or me," Blaineley snapped back.

"Well it has to be one of us," LeShawna pointed out. "The door was locked all night to prevent Izzy breaking in. And I recall Eva listening to her music shortly after the elimination last night."

"Okay, so maybe one of us stole Eva's MP3-player, but what are you going to do about it?" Blaineley smirked. "Tell on us? Let's face it, LeShawna. If you were going to tell on us, I'm afraid you're too late."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" LeShawna demanded, folding her arms. On cue, Eva burst out of the cabin; fire in her eyes, her fangs bared and her skin red with anger.

"SO IT WAS YOU, YOU PIG-STEALING BITCH! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST STEAL FROM ME, HUH?!" she shouted at LeShawna. LeShawna was horrified.

"W-wait, what?!" she gasped.

"I FOUND MY MP3-PLAYER IN YOUR SUITCASE! TRY TO DENY IT! I DARE YOU! BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN BECAUSE I'M GONNA CRUSH YOUR SKULL!" Eva charged at LeShawna, LeShawna let out a shriek and turned to run. They ran off into the woods, where the chase continued. Blaineley turned to face Heather and flashed her an evil grin.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "I'm impressed," Heather admits. "Sure, I did that before four seasons ago. But putting Eva's MP3-player in LeShawna's luggage? Now that is brilliant. But I still hate her though," Heather sternly adds.

**Blaineley –** "Am I worried about Eva finding out the truth?" Blaineley brags. "Nope! Eva's too thick to consider all of the circumstances. Once she jumps to a conclusion, which probably happens all the time, she sticks to it, regardless of the evidence to prove otherwise. And by the time she does find out, it will be too late for her to crush my skull, or harm me in any way. She'll have nothing to do but to trash the area around her, screaming the word 'bastard', alerting the RCMP in the process." She relaxes on the toilet. "And who says watching bleak, filthy European movies like _Trainspotting_ is unproductive?" she adds.

**Eva –** "BASTARD!" Eva howls, punching a hole in the wall. "BASTARD!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

The boys were wakened by the commotion coming from outside. They were confused, but again, they didn't care. Justin just laid back down to try to resume his beauty sleep. Scott was too happy to finally have a bed, Lightning continued to masturbate to himself and B simply shrugged the whole thing off. He knew his team was a disaster anyway.

Actually, one of the guys **were** in fact aware of the commotion. Lightning noticed Scott smirking to himself. Not because it was suspicious, however.

"Sha-what are ya doing looking at sha-Lightning?!" Lightning demanded. "Lightning needs his sha-privacy to sha-sex himself sha-up!"

"Really, all you're doing is masturbating," Scott sneered. "And does it matter? I happen to know what's going on with the commotion outside."

Justin's ears pricked up. "You do?" he asked.

"Yes," said Scott. "I was discussing strategy with Blaineley last night and she said she had a plan involving LeShawna and Eva's MP3-player."

"So what was her plan?" Lightning asked. Scott and Justin rolled their eyes at Lightning's stupidity. B glared at Scott. Scott noticed this and smirked.

"Face it, Beverly," he jeered, "there's nothing you can do. Our alliance dominates the team. You could be next after LeShawna is gone. So you might as well enjoy the rest of your time here." B nodded and went over to Scott to punch him in the balls. Scott clutched his crotch in pain.

"OWW!" he grunted. "Did you really have to aim for the kiwis?!"

* * *

**(End of Video Diaries)**

**B –** B silently laughs to himself. It is not clear how that is possible, but he's laughing quietly to himself nonetheless.

**Scott – **"That asshole," he breathes. "Just for that, he'll be begging for a quick and painless elimination.

**Eva –** "BASTARD!" Eva howls, ripping the toilet from its installation and raising it above her head. "BASTARD!" She fires the toilet out the window, crashing through the window pane and smashing it to pieces in the process. The interns barge in through the broken door and fire darts at Eva, knocking her unconscious in the process. They drag her away.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

Geoff and DJ were sound asleep. Cody and Cameron were talking about _Breaking Bad_ and _Game of Thrones_. Brick was staring at them. The boys noticed this and turned their heads to face the emotionally-shattered Cadet.

"Hey Brick, what shows do you watch?" Cody asked.

Brick did not answer his question. He continued to stare at Cody and Cameron.

"Is… is something wrong, Brick?" Cameron asked.

Again, Brick did not answer the question. He continued to stare at Cody and Cameron.

"…okay then," said Cody, awkwardly. He resumed his conversation with Cameron. "So anyway, what's your thoughts on _The Big Bang Theory_?"

"The first four seasons were awesome, but the newer ones are not as good," said Cameron. "I think Bernadette should've been a pervert so that Howard would continue to be one because his perverted antics are funny, and I doubt Sheldon is going to go psycho anytime soon because of his relationship with Amy." Cameron and Cody paused and turned their heads towards Brick.

"Where did Brick go?" asked Cameron.

"I have no idea," said Cody. "We'd better go look for him before he gets hurt."

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cody –** Cody is in the confessional cam, staring at where the toilet used to be. "Let's hope Brick was never in here this morning," he says, feebly.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

Dawn was meditating. Sierra was writing down notes for her blog. Jo was doing push-ups. Beth was masturbating over Brady. Katie and Sadie were squealing.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" squealed Katie and Sadie in unison. They have been squealing for seven hours straight. The rest of the girls had no idea why the twins were squealing, or how it was even possible to continue squealing for seven hours without stopping occasionally to take breaths. Disturbing as it was, the girls were used to it by now, so they thought nothing of it.

Then Brick barged into the room. His eyes were bloodshed. "DIE YOU EVIL BITCH, DIIIEEEEEEEE!" he bellowed, running towards Jo while he was holding a knife in his raised right hand. Jo stood up, stretched out her leg and tripped Brick. He let go of the knife as he fell. Jo grabbed it before he could reach it and smirked.

"My, Brick, thank you for the lovely knife!" jeered Jo. Brick stood up and reached for it, but Jo raised the knife up higher and dangled it in the air. She proceeded to tease Brick with the knife.

"GIVE IT BACK, JO, GIVE IT BACK!" howled Brick, jumping up and down in the air and having a tantrum.

"Jo! Stop it this instant!" Dawn interjected.

"I'm just teasing him!" Jo laughed.

"I know that, but Brick doesn't see it that way," Dawn insisted. Brick stopped jumping up and down and turned to Dawn to glare at her.

"YOU STAY OUT OF IT YOU WITCH!" Brick bellowed. Dawn was hurt by his outburst, but shrugged it off. She knew how mentally unstable he was.

"Brick, there is no need to be like this," Dawn replied. "If you keep acting like this, Jo will keep walking over you. You have rights. If people bully you, tell adults you trust about it. Fight only if you are cornered or if a defenceless organism, including a human, is about to be attacked and fighting is the only way to prevent that attack."

However, Brick refused to listen. He even covered his ears with his hands and yelled: "LALALALALA! I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! YOU ARE A SMELLY POO! I JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO DROP DEAD AND DIE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Brick ran out the door, crying and pissing in his pants. This prompted Cody and Cameron, followed by DJ and Geoff, to run into the room.

"What happened?!" asked DJ.

"Brick had a nervous breakdown," Beth explained.

"And I wonder why?" Cameron sneered, glaring at Jo. Jo put her hands up in the air, defiantly.

"Okay, so maybe I bullied him and took it a step too far," said Jo. "But c'mon, I had a reason."

"Like what?" DJ asked.

Jo sighed. "I prefer not to talk about it."

"Would it be okay if I told them?" Dawn asked.

"How would you know?" Jo wondered.

"I can read your aura," said Dawn.

"Fine," said Jo.

* * *

**Five minutes later…**

"Whoa, so that's why you picked on Brick?!" gasped Sierra.

"Yup," said Jo.

"Wow, harshness," said Geoff. "I figured you tortured him because he was annoying, like how Duncan, DJ and I tortured Harold because he was annoying."

"He wasn't that annoying," said Beth.

"Trust me, brah," Geoff assured her, "there's more to Harold than the onscreen footage."

"Well, it's not too late to apologise," said Cameron. "We just need to find out where he is and-" He paused and looked over at Katie and Sadie, who were still squealing. "Okay, what is wrong with them?" he demanded.

"Trust me," said Dawn, "you don't want to know."

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Dawn –** "I feel sorry for Jo," says Dawn. "Because of her past, I let the bullying slide. But I realised it was going too far, so that's why I intervened. I've always known that Brick was nuts. He wants to join the army, so good for him. But I can tell by his aura that he actually does not want to join in order to man up, since boot camp didn't man him up, and doesn't want to join because he loves our country, or strives for adventure, or because he knows lots of people in the army. No, he wants to join because… let's just say he wanted to enlist for the same reasons Chef did."

**Katie and Sadie –** "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Katie and Sadie continue squealing.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Mess Hall**

The campers were eating their breakfast when Chris slipped in. "Ah, the sweet sensation of tension!" he beamed. He looked over at LeShawna, who was hiding under the table from Eva. She managed to escape Eva unharmed, but she knew for a fact that if Eva caught her, she was done for. Noah, meanwhile, raised his hand.

"So Chris, who was the guy who built the virtual reality machine?" he demanded.

"Oh, yeah," said Chris. "Some mad scientist from Iraq. He fled over to Canada to escape the War on Iraq, went crazy and built the machine. I decided to save that fact for today rather than tell you it yesterday."

"Why?" Noah's brow furrowed.

"Did you know that the United States federal government has squandered nine hundred million dollars on its war with Iraq?" Harold gabbed. "And did you know that they invaded Iraq for more oil, not necessarily because they wanted to bring democracy to Iraq?"

"That's why," Chris explained, smiling sadistically.

"Of course: you wanted to savour some of your sadistic pleasures," Noah deadpanned. "But that's still no excuse to fidget and laugh like a fucking eejit as you did yesterday."

"Well it's not my problem," said Chris. "Anyway, there's another reason why I postponed the revelation about the virtual reality machine. Today's challenge is all about being technical. Each team will elect four members to stand at the stage. There will be a series of questions to answer. If you know the answer, hit the buzzer and answer away. If you get it right, you gain ten points for your team. If you don't get it right, you lose five points for your team. The team with the most points wins a special prize, while the team with the least amount of points sends someone packing. Oh yeah, and once a teammate has answered three questions, they cannot answer again until one of their teammates answers… HAROLD!" Chris glared over at Harold, who was picking his nose.

"What?" Harold wondered. "Can I help it if everyone else here is stupid?"

Duncan punched Harold in the face.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "FINALLY a challenge where I can put my skills to the test," says Noah. "Sadly, I'll have to use my left hand to push the buzzer, thanks to Chef. At least I get to piss the fire-and-brimstone Christian fundamentalists who mentally think that lefties are sinners off." He smirks.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Auditorium**

"Okay, now it's time to decide who will representing the teams!" barked Chris. "Team Blue, let's start with you!"

"I volunteer," said Noah, raising his left hand. Everyone looked at him. "What?" he demanded. "Please tell me none of you guys are religious fanatics!" he begged.

"No, it's just that I thought you were right-handed," said Chris.

"That's because your lovely, wonderful, handsome ex-husband decided to give my good arm a nice massage," Noah sneered, holding up his bandaged right arm. "Tell me Chris, is he that antsy because it's the way he is, or was it because you abused him during the thirty years you were happily married together. I'm beginning to suspect the last one."

"Same-sex marriage was not legal in Ontario until June the 10th, 2003, and those marriages were not fully recognised nationwide until July the 20th, 2005!" Harold interjected. "The first country to allow same-sex marriage did not do so until April the 1st, 2001, and the first country to allow registered partnerships for same-sex couples did not do so until October the 1st, 1989! Therefore, Chris and Chef could not have been married or civilly unionised for thirty years! Curse your atrocious math skills and your incapability of knowing what year it is! IDIOT!"

"He was exaggerating, Einstein!" Gwen mentally face-palmed.

"So?" said Harold. "What if the people watching this were idiots?"

"Well I'm just going to assume that Gwen and Harold have volunteered," said Chris. "And to answer your question, Noah, Chef and I were married for almost two years while the show has been running for three years, so he was like that before we got married, let alone met for the first time. So who will be the final volunteer for Team Blue?"

Alejandro raised his hand. "Al, why thank you for volunteering!" chirped Chris. Alejandro gave Chris the middle finger for calling him Al while Chris turned his attention to Team Green. "So Team Green; who are your volunteers?" Cody, Cameron, Sierra and Jo raised their hands. "And what about Team Red?" Chris asked.

"Le-Stealer volunteers!" Eva huffed.

"Excuse me?!" LeShawna demanded.

"You heard what I said, Le-Cheater!" Eva scowled. "Unless you want me to drill holes in your ears with a drill!" she threatened.

"Look, I did not steal your MP3-player!" LeShawna protested. "Either Blaineley or Heather did and dropped it in my suitcase in order to frame me!"

"SHUT UP, LE-FIBBER, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOUR FIBS, YOU PIG-STEALING HOE!" Eva bellowed.

"Ooh, drama!" beamed Chris, rubbing his hands together. "I'm just going to assume that Eva and LeShawna have volunteered!"

"WHAT?!" shrieked LeShawna and Eva in unison.

"And just for laughs, we'll pick Justin and B!" smirked Chris.

"Chris, it's not fair!" Heather protested. "The other teams got to choose their volunteers!"

"Should a, could a, would a!" jeered Chris. "Now get ready," he added, as the teams shuffled around to get to their seats. Chris whipped out a card and read it. He grinned.

"First question!" he barked. "What was the first ever animated feature film produced?"

Sierra buzzed. "_Steamboat Willie_!"

"Wrong!" Chris smirked, much to Sierra's anger. Harold buzzed.

"It's _El Apóstol_!" Harold snarled. "It was a 1917 Argentine film! It's only copy was destroyed in a fire, effectively rendering it as a lost film!" He turned his head to Sierra. "Curse your ignorance of the history of animation, which is the very foundation of our existence! IDIOT!" Sierra gave Harold the finger.

"Ten points go to Team Blue! Team Green lose five points!" barked Chris. "Second question! When and where was the first ever elevator installed?"

Harold buzzed. "The first elevator was installed on March 23, 1957, at 488 Broadway, New York City, New York State, United States, North America, Planet Earth." His colleagues gave him perplexed looks. "What?"

"You only needed to give the date, the name of the building and the name of the city," Gwen deadpanned.

"Yes, but not everyone knows that New York City is located in New York State," Harold insisted. "Not everyone knows that New York State is located in the United States. Not everyone knows that the United States is located in North America, despite the fact that residents of the United States are called Americans. And not everyone knows that North America is located on Planet Earth."

"Gee, I didn't know there was a chance that some people could be living on Mars," sneered Alejandro, rolling his eyes.

"Of COURSE nobody except for maybe micro-organisms lives on Planet Mars!" Harold snapped. "But you have to understand that some people have intellectual limitations and may therefore be stupidly oblivious to the reality that Planet Earth is the only planet on our solar system that supports human life! GOSH!"

"NEXT QUESTION!" Chris barked. "What are the three primary colours?"

Eva buzzed. "Red, green and yellow," she grunted, as if the answer was obvious.

"WRONG!" chirped Chris.

Harold buzzed. "The primary colours of the visual spectrum are yellow, magenta and cyan!" he snarled. He turned to Eva. "Are you colour-blind?! GOSH!"

"Let's analyse the scoreboard so far," said Chris, ignoring Harold's cries for help as Eva chased him and later throttled him. "Team Blue takes the lead with 30 points." Team Blue cheered. "Team Red and Green tie for sucking so bad at -5 points each." The members of Team Red and Team Green glared daggers at Harold.

"Next question!" barked Chris, when Eva and an injured Harold returned to their seats. "What city has the world's steepest street?"

Cameron buzzed. "Dunedin, New Zealand," said Cameron.

"Correct!" beamed Chris. "Next question! On what show did _The Simpsons_ shorts debut before the actual series began?"

Jo buzzed. "_The Tracey Ullman Show_."

"Correct!" said Chris. "Next question! In what country is _The Simpsons_ animated?"

Gwen buzzed. "South Korea."

"Correct! Next question. How old is our universe?"

Harold buzzed. Although Chris asked only for the rough estimate number of years (i.e.: 13.82 billion), Harold answered it right down to the exact number of years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds as of the time of answering the question. Everyone gave Harold frightened looks. There was an awkward silence.

"Okay, that was just plain disturbing," said Chris, breaking the ice after ten minutes of silence, "even for you."

"Only an idiot wouldn't know that," was Harold's response.

"Then how did you figure out exactly how old the universe is, genius?" Noah demanded.

"No!" Chris interrupted. "I don't want to know. Since Harold's answer is technically approximate to the answer I was looking for, which is approximately 13.82 billion years, I'll count that as correct. But please don't give exactly precise answers to mind boggling questions ever again. Moving on!"

* * *

Two hours later, Team Blue was still in the lead, with 250 points. Team Green followed close behind, with 235 points. Meanwhile, Team Red lagged further behind, with 195 points. This was mostly due to Justin's stupidity and Eva's impatience, although Eva did get at least four questions right. LeShawna and B answered nearly all of the questions they were asked correctly, although B did so by writing the answers on a small chalkboard which he raised up to face Chris. This caused protests among Jo and Alejandro, but Chris dismissed them, since B technically was answering the question. Harold protested as well, arguing that LeShawna, Jo and Sierra were cheating because he expected them to be unintelligent.

"Harold, this is your second warning!" Chris scolded. Jo, LeShawna and Sierra glared at Harold. Harold huffed and went back to picking his nose.

"Next question!" said Chris. "How long does a pig's orgasm last?"

Harold buzzed. "Thirty-" Harold fell asleep and snored on the table before he managed to finish his sentence.

"Thirty seconds or thirty minutes, Harold?!" Chris demanded. He waited for Harold to respond, but all he did was continue to snore and occasionally blurt out "GOSH", "IDIOT", "BOOYAH" and "YES" in his sleep. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Since Harold didn't finish his answer before being out cold, he technically didn't answer correctly, so that's five points deducted from Team Blue's score," said Chris. Gwen, Noah and Alejandro glared at Harold.

LeShawna buzzed. "Thirty minutes," was her answer.

"Correct!" said Chris.

"In my next life, I want to be a pig," Izzy chirped. Everyone looked at her and shook their heads in disapproval.

* * *

"Okay, so let's analyse the score," said Chris. "Team Green takes the lead with 305 points." Team Green cheered. "Team Blue follows up with 295 points." The members of Team Blue shrugged. "Sadly, Team Red sucks the most with 260 points," Chris laughed.

Everyone on Team Red glare at Justin. Justin stopped gazing into his mirror. "What?" he asked.

"Finally, onto the last question," said Chris. "The team whose member answers it correctly will score 50 points. The question is: is this statement true or false?" Everyone froze. Nobody had an answer. Noah decided to shake Harold awake, succeeding only in getting some of Harold's drool on his left hand.

"Perfect," Noah muttered.

"So has anyone got an answer?!" Chris was getting impatient. "You know what? If nobody answers within ten seconds, Team Green will automatically win and Team Red will automatically lose. You've got seven seconds left now!"

All of a sudden, a buzzing noise occurred. Everyone turned their heads to look at the person who pushed the buzzer.

"The statement is both true and false," Eva huffed. "It's a paradox."

Everyone froze in astonishment. Chris checked the card. His face fell in shock.

"Oh my God," gasped Chris. "Eva's right. Which means… TEAM RED WINS!" Team Red cheered. Eva was raised above the heads of her teammates, even LeShawna, but Eva didn't notice. She would be too proud of herself to care anyway if she found out.

"Team Red, you guys win…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"A revelation!" Chris chirped. The Team Red members stopped whooping. They looked over at Chris in confusion.

"Revelation?" Heather scowled.

"Yep!" Chris smirked. "Blaineley was the one who stole your MP3-player, Eva."

Eva's face reddened in anger. "WHAT?!"

"You see," Chris explained, ignoring Blaineley, who was flaying her arms like a hyperactive windmill in both protest and fear, "Blaineley placed the MP3-player in LeShawna's suitcase so she'd get framed." Eva turned to face Blaineley, baring her sharp teeth at her. Scott scowled at Chris.

"Why are you telling us this?!" he demanded. "Ain't that against the contracts?!"

"I can make revelations whenever I want, as long as it boosts the ratings," said Chris, with a toothy grin. "If I allowed Blaineley to get away with it, LeShawna would be eliminated the next time you guys suck at a challenge, and I can't keep it all predictable. Oh yeah, and Scott agreed to the plan."

Scott froze in fear. Eva straightened her posture, raised her head to the sky, let out a thunderous roar and beat her fists against her chest. She paused because of the pain her pounding caused her breasts. A few seconds later, she was fine again, and she proceeded to roar again. Blaineley and Scott took it as a cue to flee. They zipped off into the woods at a hundred kilometres an hour before splitting up. Eva chased after them, but because her prey split up, she decided to take her anger out on an intern who happened to be passing by.

Needless to say, another intern ascended to Heaven – or descended to Hell, the latter of the two being the most likely – that day.

Chris turned around to address Team Blue. "Team Blue, what can I say?" jeered Chris. "Sucks to be you, right? I'll see you sorry butts at your first ever elimination ceremony tonight! And I forgot to mention: Alejandro, Gwen, Harold and Noah are immune because they were on the stage, and Ezekiel is immune because of the Christmas challenge." Gwen, Noah, Alejandro and Ezekiel sighed in relief, but then they, along with the rest of Team Blue, glared at Harold. Harold woke up, stretched and yawned. He noticed everyone glaring at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You fell asleep, so you lost," Noah spat. "Next time, don't get up until at least half six."

"So does that mean you, Gwen and Alejandro are idiots too?" Harold wondered. Duncan lunged for Harold, but he got held back.

"LEMME AT 'EM! LEMME AT 'EM!" Duncan bellowed.

"No, Duncan!" Gwen scolded. She was the one who held him back. "Beating him up is not going to change Harold. And it's not going to make me feel any better."

"But it will make **me** feel better!" Duncan insisted, squirming in his girlfriend's grasp.

"Duncan please don't do that!" Gwen begged. Duncan ignored her, broke free from Gwen's grasp and lashed out at Harold… only to trip on a rock and fall flat on his face. Gwen helped him up. Duncan surveyed his surroundings and scowled. Harold ran off.

"That bastard," he hissed.

"Duncan, I know Harold was driving you up the wall," Gwen assured him, "but can you let it slide? How is beating up Harold going to make you feel better anyway?"

"It makes me feel superior and dominant," Duncan replied.

"That's it?" was Gwen's reply.

"Yeah," said Duncan, as if it was obvious. "I need people to fear me so I can be cool."

"Duncan, you know you matter to me," Gwen said to him. "But being feared doesn't make you cool. It makes people around you hate you, see you as a threat to their safety. In fact, you're only pushing people around so **you** don't get pushed around. Try to remember that there will always be people who are willing to push you around. Just ignore these people unless they're actually trying to help you."

"How will that benefit me?!"

"I try to ignore the people who have sent me hate mail for breaking up with Trent or dating you, because these people are in no business to judge me like that. Granted, it does upset me, and I do find myself judging other people too, but I just focus on the people that I matter to and the people that matter to me. That's what you should be doing."

Duncan sighed relentlessly. "Fine," he huffed. He walked off abruptly. Gwen was confused by this.

"Are you okay?" asked Bridgette.

"I'm fine," Gwen replied. But she and Bridgette both knew that it was a lie.

"Look, if you and Duncan ever have problems, we're here for you guys," Bridgette assured her. Gwen hugged her.

"Thank you, Bridge," said Gwen.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Gwen –** "I'm not sure if Duncan has really changed," Gwen explains, sighing. "I'm beginning to worry about him. I just don't want to repeat the same mistake I made when I was with Trent at the beginning of _Total Drama Action_. I hope it's just me being so paranoid. I don't know why I am."

**Duncan –** "For the record, I am not nice!" he scowls. "Trust me on this one: I will kill Harold!" He slams his fist into his other hand to emphasise how serious he is, although you can hear the uncertainty in his voice and see the uncertainty in his trembling gestures.

**LeShawna –** "Damn, it's such a relief to have that burden off my shoulders!" LeShawna sighs. "Though now Eva's going to be even more dangerous than she was before."

**Eva –** "BASTARD!" Eva roars, tearing at a chunk of the wall with her bare hands. "BASTARD!" She pauses and realises what she is doing. "Screw this! I'm gonna watch _Trainspotting_!" she huffs, marching out of the confessional through the hole she made.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

The Team Blue campers sat by the campfire, waiting for Chris to show up with the results. Speak of the devil, the host swaggered over to the podium and flashed his signature toothy grin.

"Wow, I never thought I'd ever see Team Blue at the Bonfire Ceremony," Chris jeered.

"Get on it with, McLean!" Duncan ordered. "We were here two episodes ago!"

"Sheesh, put on a tampon," Chris smirked. "Anyway, the person who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately go down the Dock of Shame and take the Hurl of Shame. They cannot come back, ever! The first five marshmallows go to the people who are immune: Alejandro, Ezekiel, Gwen, Harold and Noah. And Duncan, since Harold was immune, you've wasted your vote." Duncan gritted his teeth in anger. He waited for Harold to give him another one of his condescending lectures, but Harold was so busy playing his Nintendo3DS he was unaware that his marshmallow even landed in his hair. Gwen gave more concerned looks for her boyfriend. On the bright side, Noah and Ezekiel were pleased to have received their first ever physical tokens of immunity.

"Moving on, six other campers got no votes," said Chris. "Bridgette, Chef, Izzy, Lindsay, Mike and Zoey." That left Duncan and Anne Maria, who were both concerned. "Duncan, Anne Maria, this is the final marshmallow of the night. The final marshmallow goes to…

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"…Anne Maria!" Anne Maria caught her marshmallow in delight. Duncan's draw dropped.

"Duncan, the drop of shame awaits," Chris teased. "And if you voted out someone **other** than the people who were immune, there would've been a tie, unless you voted out Anne Maria, then you'd be guaranteed safety." Duncan sighed. He looked over at Gwen to see tears under her eyes. He sighed once more and stood up to face his now former-teammates.

"Look guys, I'm sorry," he said.

Harold looked up from his 3DS. "You're sorry," he asked, both unconvinced and uninterested.

"Yes, I'm sorry," said Duncan, choosing not to react negatively to Harold's rude comment. The members of Team Green and Team Red showed up to witness one of the rare moments where Duncan apologises. "I… I was a tool. Harold was just so annoying and condescending this season, I lost my composure. But I'm to blame for this. I picked on Harold for no reason other than to make myself feel better and look tough back in season one. I'm not making any excuse for myself. I was also a tool to Bridgette, Geoff, Lindsay, Noah, Cody, Courtney, Gwen and Chef." Chef's ears pricked up. Was Duncan apologising to him? Impossible, he thought.

"Why were you acting that way?" Noah wondered. He realised how dumb his question was. "Wait, say no more. Juvie."

"That's right," Duncan admitted. "You don't want to know what they do to people who are nice in there. But I still could have just been indifferent, sarcastic and less sociable. I shouldn't even have practiced witchcraft in the first place."

"You went to jail for practicing witchcraft?!" Zoey's ears pricked up.

"You see, you need a licence to practice witchcraft in my town," said Duncan. "You may think it's weird, but I realised why the licence was needed after I ended up burning down my school and killing the janitor."

"I thought you used a lighter to burn down the school," Heather protested.

"I didn't say how I burnt down the school," said Duncan. "But yeah, I used witchcraft to burn it down. It was an accident, but it still lead to catastrophic results. Not really something I'd like to share with my fellow Juvie inmates, but yeah, that's the truth. The real reason I became an ass was because my inmates taught me to be an ass while the guards just stood there, only intervening if it would make them look superior. But I don't want to be an ass. After _Total Drama_, and when I get freed from my prison charges, I just want to convert to some of those liberal Protestant denominations and become a priest." He went up to Gwen and hugged her. "I'm sorry for being a tool," he told her.

Gwen kissed her boyfriend on the lips. "It's okay, Duncan," she replied. "None of us are perfect, and I wasn't really a saint either when I was with Trent." The two went through another long kiss before they broke for oxygen. Duncan went to grab his stuff and placed them on the Hurl of Shame. Before hopping on, he turned to his peers and said:

"At least I finally get to break the curse of being a writer's pet!" Everyone waved at Duncan as he hopped on. Chris walked over to the catapult and said:

"Hey, where's my apology?!"

"You don't get one," Duncan sneered, rolling his eyes. "You'd test the patience of a saint." Everyone whooped and cheered at that remark. Even the people that voted for him were whooping and cheering. Chris gritted his teeth in anger and pulled the lever. Duncan was flown off to Playa des Losers, along with his stuff.

"Chris, was that really necessary?" Geoff demanded.

"He insulted me!" sobbed Chris.

"Yeah, well cop on!" snapped Jo. Everyone left, shaking their heads at how much of a wuss Chris was.

* * *

**Playa des Losers**

Duncan landed in the pool. He noticed everyone looking at him.

"What are you doing here so early?" Sam wondered.

"I got voted off," said Duncan. "I can't say I blame them. It was after being voted off so early that I realised I was in fact a tool. At least I can get off this stupid island. I hate being on camera too much. I actually want to see some of the underdogs develop, like Noah or Eva."

"Is Gwen okay?" Courtney asked. Duncan was taken aback at first by this, but then he remembered that Courtney stopped being a bitch in the second episode. He smiled.

"Yeah, she's fine," he assured her. "She was upset that I went. I'm worried I've hurt her feelings, half as bad as I've hurt you."

"It's okay, Duncan," Courtney smiled. "I've found someone else."

Duncan nodded. Everyone looked at her and gave her curious looks.

"So who is he?" Dakota wondered, giggling.

"I prefer to keep it to myself for now," said Courtney, blushing. Everyone laughed and Owen farted. Nobody smelt his farts, because the odour drifted off to Wawanakwa.

* * *

Brick was talking strategy with the figure in the Batman mask while they were crouching in the bushes in the woods.

"No way," the figure in the Batman mask snickered, "I can't believe you actually did that!"

"Whatever," Brick scowled. "I wish you didn't suggest it to me. Dawn gave me a lecture, and it made me cry."

"Hey, you were the one who went through with it," said the figure in the Batman mask.

"At least I tried to scare Jo, but she's too smart for me, that dumb cow," Brick breathed. "And why are you still wearing that Batman mask and Batman cloak? Nobody is around."

"Yeah, but there are cameras around, and I want to create suspense with the audience," said the figure in the Batman mask. "Besides, I get to piss the real Batman off, so that's an added bonus. **Spiderman** is way better!"

"Are you kidding me? **Aquaman** is clearly the best!" Brick beamed. The figure in the Batman mask rolled his eyes and asked:

"Moving on to strategy, who do you think we should vote out the next time we lose?"

"Jo," said Brick.

"Yes, but we'll keep her a little longer just to watch her suffer as her closest allies are taken away from her!" the figure in the Batman mask quietly cackled. "In fact, I say we should orchestrate the elimination of-" The figure in the Batman mask did not get to finish his sentence. The odour that emerged from Owen's farts reached the area Brick and the figure in the Batman mask were in. They covered their noses, but it was in vain. The stench caused the two to faint.

* * *

Blaineley and Scott were still hiding in the woods from Eva, but they eventually found each other.

"Great! Just great!" Blaineley scowled. "We're just going to have to vote out Eva next chance we get!"

"I guess so," Scott replied, gritting his teeth. "It would be hard to get rid of her later on in the competition anyway." This statement caused a question to come to mind.

"Scott, is everyone in our alliance going to make it to the final five?" Blaineley wondered.

"We'll see when we get there," Scott replied. "I can't guarantee you anything. Why you ask?"

"Heather's in the alliance as well," said Blaineley. "We hate each other."

"Well, you'll just have to put with each other then," said Scott. "I'm sure you guys can set aside your differences for as long as you two are useful to me."

Blaineley's ears pricked up. "Wait, what did you say?" she demanded.

Scott rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, we have to be useful to other members of the alliance if the alliance is to survive," he insisted.

"Yes, but you did say that as long as we are of no use to you, you are going to get rid of us, is that correct?"

Scott covered his nose with his fingers. "No."

Blaineley rolled her eyes. "You're lying! Seriously, you do realise that covering your nose while lying to someone isn't going to work. I'm sure this is how your dad can tell if you're lying."

Scott scowled. Sure, he was glad that Blaineley just told him how to lie to his dad in future, but he was still angry with her. "Okay, you know of my intentions. Yes, the alliance was Heather's idea, but I would like to make it clear that_ I_ am in charge. If you've got a problem with that, you can leave and end up getting eliminated. Don't bother allying with Eva, LeShawna or B either, because all three of them know what you did, and they don't approve of what you did."

"I could always tell Heather that you mentally believe that you are in charge of the alliance when _she_ was the one who founded it," Blaineley scowled.

"I thought you hate Heather," Scott growled.

"Don't get me wrong; I want to break her neck before I leave," Blaineley admitted, "but if succeeding means having to take her side, so be it."

"Perhaps you would like the world to know that we shifted then," Scott threatened.

"Oh please, it's not paedophilia," Blaineley hooted. "The age of consent is 16, and you're 17."

"Yes, but you're gay," Scott sneered. "How are you going to explain this to the world when they find out? You could be labelled a bisexual for the rest of your life. Not a very good picture, is it?"

"That's Izzy's fault!"

"I didn't see you beg for help. All you did was grunt and roll your eyes."

"That's all you did as well!" Blaineley countered. "You're gay too, and if you rat me out and the world starts labelling me, they'll label you as well. Especially when we take into account that the common masses stupidly think that women, no matter how strong they are, are innocent and that men, no matter how weak they are, or what deal they have, are perverted deviants. Even when the world thinks that gay men are effeminate and knows that they throw up at the sight of a pussy."

"Well I have some other evidence to use against you," Scott lied.

"Yeah right! I, on the other hand, do."

"Oh yeah, Wonder Woman?! What?!"

"You're standing on your wheelchair," Blaineley deadpanned.

"I'm just trying to steal some eggs from the bird's nest," said Scott.

"Yes, but now I know that you're standing on your wheelchair," Blaineley smirked.

"Like anyone's going to give a shit."

"Oh sweetie, you do realise that some people on the island will use that against you," Blaineley smirked. "Justin will be pissed that he had to pull more weight than you. Members on the other team, like Cody will be pissed. I knew it doesn't take too long to recover from shark-related injuries in a **cartoon**."

Scott scowled. He knew when he was beaten. "Fine, you win! Everyone in the alliance goes to the final five! Deal?!"

"Deal!" Blaineley smirked, extending her hand to shake. Scott begrudgingly shook it. Little did they realise, there were in fact cameras in the area, recording their entire conversation. Blaineley smirked and left the scene, Scott sat back down on his wheelchair and rolled off, only to see a cat walk by. He threw up into the bushes.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Scott –** "I hate cats!" he scowls.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Ezekiel was going for a walk in the woods, when all of a sudden, Izzy pounced on him and pinned him to the ground.

"Hey, what gives, eh?" Ezekiel demanded. "Aren't girls are suppoosed too be weak, eh?"

"Izzy knows you're not the real Zeke!" Izzy hissed.

"You're fooked oop, eh," said Ezekiel, rolling his eyes.

"We'll soon find out!" Izzy cackled, grabbing 'Ezekiel's' mask and pulling at it. Before Izzy managed to fully remove the mask, thus revealing who the imposter was, the camera cuts to a scene where Chris is standing at the dock, grinning.

"Ha! You think I was going to show you guys who the imposter was?!" he smirked. "Not until you've had your fair share of suspense! Anyway, who is the figure in the Batman mask? What is the real reason behind Jo's terrorising of Brick? How will Team Blue cope now that they've had their first real elimination? And how will the Christian extremists react to Noah using his left hand during the challenge? Heh-heh! Find out next time, on TOTAL!

"DRAMA!

"ISLAND!

"RENEWED!"

Suddenly, the stench from Owen's farts reached Chris's nostrils, and he fainted from how bad the smell was.

* * *

**Sorry to all you Duncan fans out there. I just had to get rid of him, though. Besides the fact that he's received enough spotlight, I feel the only way to make him interesting was to make him an ass, and to do that, I would have to break up Gwuncan in this fic. I don't really like Gwuncan; ironically, it's the only thing I like about Duncan, and since some fans out there are huge Gwuncan fans, I don't want to offend them. Basically, by sending Duncan to the Playa early, the Gwuncan fans and the Duncan-haters are happy… well, a lot of Duncan-haters want Gwen and Duncan to break up, and I personally think Gwen would be better that way, though I'm not sure about Duncan. I actually was planning on having the two break up at some point in the fic though. But I'll keep it in here, since I've decided to actually make Duncan likeable in this fic.**

**Oh yeah, and I forgot to apologise to the Tyler fans as well. If you read my profile page, you'll notice that Tyler is quite high up in my list in terms of favourites. I just feel he's done enough stupid things for now. If I overuse Tyler, he'll become stale, and I don't want that. He'll still perform crazy stunts in future chapters.**

**VOTING RESULTS:**

**Alejandro – Duncan**

**Anne Maria – Duncan**

**Bridgette – Anne Maria**

**Chef – Duncan**

**Duncan – Harold (counts as a vote against Duncan)**

'**Ezekiel' – Duncan**

**Gwen – Anne Maria**

**Harold – Duncan**

**Izzy – Duncan**

**Lindsay – Anne Maria**

**Mike – Anne Maria**

**Noah – Anne Maria**

**Zoey – Anne Maria**

**DUNCAN: 7 (6 directly, + 1 because Duncan voted out Harold)**

**ANNE MARIA: 6**

**HAROLD: 1 (doesn't count because he had immunity)**

**ELIMINATED: Staci, Courtney, Trent, Owen, Dakota, Sam, Tyler and Duncan.**

**PEOPLE IZZY SHAGGED: Blaineley, Justin, Scott, Harold, Noah, Chef, Brick, Lindsay, Trent and Anne Maria.**

**Jesus that was a long chapter. Twenty-seven pages, man! This is the longest chapter I have written so far for this story. That is pretty much why it took me two weeks to write it, on top of updating my other stories.**

**Now on to the future of this story. I have officially decided who the main antagonist (AKA: the figure in the Batman mask) is, so the poll is now closed. The figure in the Batman mask will be revealed eventually. Please don't say who you think he or she is in your reviews, because you might jinx it doing that. If you are certain you know who it is, feel free to discuss it with other readers through PMs or whatever discussion forms you've set up. But for now, only I will know who the figure in the Batman mask is, MWAHAHA!**

**Anyway, there's a new poll up in my profile page. It concerns Courtney's future relationships. I've decided that since Gwuncan will stay, I think it's only fair that Courtney has some happiness as well, especially now that she's finally likeable. I was considering Trent, but then again, the only logic to Trentney is them knowing the pain of heartbreak and playing stringed instruments, and some people really don't like it. I don't blame them. If you want her to be paired, go ahead and vote. Thank you all in advance for your participation *smiley face*.**

**Don't forget to share your thoughts on the competition I outlined above in your review. I'm sure some of you guys think it's a good idea, while others think it's a bad idea and a sign of desperation for more reviews. Your opinions will be appreciated… unless you're flaming me. There's a fine line between constructive criticism and trolling. Flamers will be ignored.**

**Until next time!**


	9. Day 8: Chris Cross Crash

**This is the ninth chapter of **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_**. What those that tell yeah? Well, it tells me that Trent is probably not going to like that he wasn't still in the competition for this chapter. He's also probably not going to like that the ninth day of the competition takes place in the tenth chapter. Any-who…**

**Knifez R Us – It's great to have the author of the famous zombie survival fic reviewing my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it, man. Especially Harold's facts, Noah's sarcasm and the Brick-Jo conflict. And these elements will be big in this story. Writing a far-fetched fic has been a goal of man, so thank you very much for your review.**

**Kyrogue23 – You'll see soon enough who Imposter Zeke is. It seems like a lot of my readers want Harold to stop being a jerk at the end of the story. It will happen, but for now, Harold will be the same old dweeb who spews random facts and puts people down. And you want Eva to rip off Scott and Blaineley's skulls? Holy shit, man! You're about as sick as I am, heh-heh. Now, that may not happen, but there's always a chance Eva might severely maim them. Thanks for your review.**

**Toaneo07 Ver2.0 – Glad you liked the drama. Harold has always been silly, even in the actual show, but that's what I like about him. I can't guarantee that Brick will get his revenge, but I can guarantee there will be more drama involved between Brick and Jo.**

**Helmet 798 – Glad you liked Harold's facts. Don't worry about **_**El Apóstol**_** being the first animated movie. **_**Steamboat Willie**_** was definitely one of the first cartoons with synchronised sound, though. Furthermore, I got that fact from Wikipedia, which is not always correct. I'm glad you liked what I did with Duncan. I agree, he's a scumbag, and I'm glad you liked how I had him eliminated so early. As for Blaineley and Scott's plan backfiring, I'm glad you enjoyed that too. Your suggestion for the list of characters that have killed an intern is a good idea. I will use it. There's a slight chance a character might be arrested in this fic, but there's no guarantee that a character might be arrested for murder. Brilliant observation, though. I'm not giving any hints about the magic review number, but let's hope you get it. Thanks for the long review. These kind of reviews bring a smile to my face.**

**I'll Cover Angel and Collins – I love Harold's facts too. Glad this chapter made you laugh. Maybe this one will make you laugh harder… or it may surprise you even more.**

**I forgot to mention it in the last chapter, but the sources of most of Harold's facts are **_**Uberfacts**_** on Twitter and, of course, Wikipedia. Now, I wouldn't believe everything Wikipedia tells you. They rely on references for accuracy, and since anyone can edit it, you could end up reading an article on Wikipedia about the Ninth God being the creator of the number nine and being nine times more important than the eight other gods put together. If you come across such an article, it wasn't me that wrote it, I can assure you that. What I'm telling you guys is that some of the facts mentioned in Chapter 8 can be completely wrong, so… moving on!**

**SPOILER ALERT: An important clue about the figure in the Batman mask occurs in this chapter. Furthermore, more light is shed on the whole situation with Ezekiel. Trust me; what you're about to read my give you something to think about for the next few days.**

**Enjoy Chapter 9.**

* * *

Total Drama: Island Renewed

Day 8: Chris Cross Crash

* * *

"Last time on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!" said Chris. "We had a quiz where Eva, against all odds, won for her team after answering the final question correctly, and where we've received angry letters from Christian extremists, condemning Noah for both using his left hand in the quiz and being a Muslim. They also demanded Harold's head because those fanatics mentally believe that the universe is only 6,000 years old and not a second longer and that Harold was being blasphemous. Even more shockingly however, Team Blue, despite having one of the most intellectual competitors on the show, scored the least amount of points and was set to send someone home. Duncan was eliminated thanks to Alejandro and Chef's alliance and Duncan voting out Harold, who was immune. Duncan did not leave the island without apologising for being a tool and a writer's pet. Now that he did that rather than throw a tantrum and beat up Harold, he's boring now, so I doubt anyone would care that he was eliminated so early. We learnt that Scott is actually not handicapped. What is going on here?! We also picked up another mystery: why was Jo bullying Brick since the beginning of the season? And who is the figure in the Batman mask, and who is the imposter disguising himself up as Zeke? Find out eventually, on _Total… Drama… ISLAND RENEWED_!"

* * *

**Team Red – Female Cabin**

The female side of Team Red's cabin was divided into two territories separated by duct tape. On one side, Eva sat asleep in her bed. Meanwhile, on the other side, Blaineley, Heather and LeShawna were taking turns staying awake to make sure Eva doesn't try to slaughter anyone. It was Eva who laid down the duct tape, and it was Eva who threatened to crucify anyone who was foolish enough to lay an inch of their body over the line. LeShawna, Blaineley and Heather were so terrified they settled their differences and shared the other half of the room.

By dawn, all three were awake.

"Well this sucks," Heather whispered. "I can't believe we just let Eva divide our cabin."

"You divided our cabin three years ago, didn't ya?" LeShawna whispered.

"Well that was three years ago," Heather whispered. "I've moved on since then."

"No you haven't," Blaineley whispered. "You established an alliance with Scott, didn't ya?"

"And you eventually joined it," Heather whispered, "only because you're useful for bringing us far."

"That's what the viewers expect of me," Blaineley whispered. "They expected you to have moved on from being the antagonist and the writer's pet and being a side-character for a change."

"Well I'm sorry to dash their hopes… not," Heather whispered. "I'm back to being an antagonist, and I'm going to win this."

"Do you plan to take me, Scott, Justin and Lightning to the final five?" Blaineley whispered.

"Yes, and then it's every alliance member for themselves," Heather whispered.

"You girls better not be planning on voting me out," LeShawna whispered.

"Well for now, you're lucky Chris was an idiot," Blaineley whispered. "Otherwise you would've been gone before Eva."

"So you're voting her out?" LeShawna whispered.

"We have no choice," Blaineley whispered. "She's too dangerous now. And don't bother trying to rat us out. She'll be too busy trying to kill us to listen to anyone."

"WHY ARE YOU THREE WHISPERING?!" Eva shouted, sitting up in her bed. "SOMEONE'D BETTER ANSWER ME!"

"Maybe you'd better shut up!" Heather shouted back, before she could stop herself. She clasped her lips in horror when she realised what she just said, and who she just said it to.

Eva looked like she was about to explode. She clenched her fists and bared her razor-sharp teeth. Blaineley, Heather and LeShawna closed their eyes, for fear that what they were about to see would be disturbing.

And it was.

"Okay," said Eva, casually, lying back down on her bed and shifting to face the wall before dozing off.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Heather –** "Okay, that was frightening!" says Heather; her eyes wide as dinner plates. "I expected her to tear me limb from limb, but she didn't. Why did I snap at her like that? Anyway, I'm sure Eva did that just to disturb me and throw me off guard." Heather rubs her hands together. "I'll have to throw the challenge so I can eliminate her for that," she smirks.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Red – Male Cabin**

Scott and Justin were discussing strategy and the recently failed attempt to get LeShawna in trouble. Scott was in his wheelchair while Justin was sitting on his bed.

"I can't believe that bastard Chris just rat us out," Justin moaned.

"No, he ratted me and Blaineley out," Scott interjected, gritting his teeth. "We were the ones involved in taking Eva's MP3-player and framing LeShawna. You did nothing but sit on your ass and watch the fireworks."

"Yes, but what if Eva snaps and loses her cool?!" Justin shrieked. "What if targets one of us at random and beats the shit out of me?! I may never be beautiful again! Hold me!" he begged, jumping into Scott's lap, much to the latter's annoyance.

"Justin, I can assure you that nobody cares about your looks," Scott scowled, shoving the model off his lap. "Besides, your fans only care about you so they could have something to masturbate to when they look up pictures and videos of you online. There's enough pictures and videos to keep them going for ever, so you might as well give up modelling and find another job."

Justin was horrified. "Scott, how could you say that?!" he gasped. "Lots of people care about my looks! Like Beth, Lindsay, Katie, Sadie and Owen, for example!"

"They don't count because they're idiots!" Scott assured the model. "In this universe, we don't have time to give a shit about looks. If looks were the only things you gave a shit about, you shouldn't have signed up for this show anyway. The only thing that's important in this game is getting ahead."

"But I don't want a blowjob!" Justin whined. "I want-"

"I was referring to going far in the game, you moron!" Scott exclaimed. "But if you're really that scared of Eva, then vote her out. Better to have her go sooner than later."

"Good," said Justin. "That's what I wanted to hear. But believe me, I did not know that this show was all about being outdoors. All the contract said was: _Want to be a millionaire? Sign here, and be in for a chance to win a million dollars_."

"Explains why the likes of Noah, B, Gwen and Harold are on the show," Scott deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Justin –** "As much as I care about the alliance, my looks come before it," Justin insists.

**Scott –** "Justin is a retard," states Scott.

**Justin –** Justin takes out a spoon and looks into the interior side to gaze at himself. However, because this means that Justin's face will be reflected upside down, Justin immediately freaks out and throws the spoon aside. "AAAAAAAAAH! I'M UGLY!" the model wails, scrunching up into a foetal position and crying his eyes dry.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Male Cabin**

Brick was standing by the door. He had a baseball bat raised above his head, ready to swing it. He's been in this position for five hours. Naturally, this disturbed his fellow cabin mates.

"Uh, Brick dude, don't ya wanna, like, go to bed?" Geoff asked.

"No!" Brick snapped. "I want to beat Jo over the head with the baseball bat!"

"Brick, I don't think Jo is going to go into our room," DJ assured him.

"Oh, she'll come all right!" Brick hissed. "She'll come to torture me, that bitch!"

"Brick, did you ever stop to think about why she bullies you?" Cody asked.

"Yes, because she's a bully!" Brick replied.

"Yes, she told us yesterday that she had a reason," Cody stated. "I know doesn't excuse her actions, but-"

"She's lying!" Brick roared.

"He didn't tell you why Jo was bullying you yet," Cameron protested.

"WELL SHE'S LYING, AND SHE'S PLAYING MIND GAMES WITH ME!" wailed Brick. "I'LL KILL HER IF IT'S THE LAST THING I'LL DO, AND I'LL DO IT NOW!" He ran outside, much to the horror of the other guys in the room.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Geoff –** "I think the guy is insane," says Geoff. "Maybe it's because he hasn't been to a party yet. Maybe I should invite him to one. Or better yet, maybe I should throw one for him at the cabin!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Female Cabin**

The girls were all asleep, even Katie and Sade. Why wouldn't they be? They spent roughly a third of a day squealing non-stop.

Unfortunately, their slumber was not going to last. There was a rough banging on the door, followed by screaming and crying from the same person who's been on Jo's case for years.

"JO! LET ME IN! LET ME IN SO I CAN KILL YOU!"

Jo sighed relentlessly. "Well, there goes my sleep," she said in a snarky tone, rolling her eyes.

"Well there's no point getting through to him now," Dawn chipped in. "He's so deranged."

"Maybe we should just talk it out with him," Beth suggested.

"No, it's too risky," Dawn warns. She beckoned to the door.

"LET ME IN, JO, YOU FUCKING BITCH! I WANT TO TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!"

"See what I mean?" said Dawn. "It's just not safe."

"Oh my gosh, I SO have to, like, take a leak," said Sadie.

"Oh my gosh, like, shut up! Me too!" Katie squealed.

"Just piss in your pants," said Jo. "You can change your clothes when Brick gives up."

"But isn't that so totally gross?!" Katie cringed.

"Like, totes gross!" Sadie added.

"Well if you walk out, Brick will kill you," Jo warned.

"After analysing Brick's behaviour," said Sierra, "he usually gives up after two minutes. The only thing he's persistent at is military training… although he only wants to join so he could kill a lot of people," she sheepishly added. On cue, Brick let out a loud, shrivelled cry and ran off.

"Okay, not only am I beginning to regret torturing him, I'm also beginning to pity the fella," said Jo.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Jo –** "Seriously, that guy will never get into the army if he keeps screaming and crying," says Jo. "And what kind of soldier tells his enemies that he's going to kill them? Has Brick-head not yet heard of an important military technique called _**the element of surprise**_?" Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. "Jo, this is Brick! I want to kill you now!" Brick commands. Jo rolls her eyes in annoyance. "See what I mean?" she emphasises.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Female Cabin**

The girls except Izzy were asleep until Izzy threw a stick of dynamite out the window. The dynamite killed an intern but the only other effect of the explosion was that the other girls were awoken from their slumber. Anne Maria, Bridgette, Gwen, Lindsay and Zoey glared at Izzy.

"Ugh… what do you want?" Gwen groaned.

"You know how Ezekiel has been acting strange lately?" Izzy asked.

"Well yeah, he's been misinterpreting the point of those videos on YouTube," Zoey replied. "What is your point?"

"Izzy's point is that Ezekiel is not who you think he is," Izzy accentuated. "Ezekiel… he's not even on the island!" The other girls gave the redhead perplexed looks.

"How do you mean?" Bridgette questioned.

"Simple!" Izzy explained. "The 'Ezekiel' on our team is not the real Ezekiel. He's an **imposter**!"

Bridgette remained sceptical. "Are you sure about that?"

"Izzy's positive! And Izzy can prove it!" The psycho hose-beast whipped out a photograph and handed it to the surfer girl. Bridgette gasped, prompting Gwen, Zoey and Lindsay to take a look. They too gasped.

"Izzy, if this is true, then… wow!" said Gwen.

"Oh please!" Anne Maria spat. "This is utta bullshit!"

"Why are you so sure?!" Lindsay demanded.

"Who da Hell wud wanna go as Zeke?!" Anne Maria demanded.

"Anyone who would happen to hate Ezekiel and want to make his life a living Hell?" Zoey deadpanned.

"Nobody cares 'bout yer opinions, Vito-stealer!" snapped Anne Maria.

"You're the only one who doesn't care about 'Vito-stealer's' opinions," Gwen mused, rolling her eyes.

"Shuddup Boyfriend-stealer!" Anne Maria scowled. Gwen twitched, but kept her cool.

"Ignore her," Bridgette assured Gwen. "She's just PMS-ing, I guess."

"I HEARD DAT, BLONDIE!" Anne Maria snapped.

"Don't worry; Izzy will fix you up!" Izzy chirped, dragging Anne Maria out to the outhouse. Gwen, Bridgette, Zoey and Lindsay smirked.

"Wait, which one is Ezekiel again?" Lindsay asked, causing Zoey, Gwen and Bridgette to face palm.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Zoey –** "To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if Izzy was telling the truth," Zoey explains. "I mean, surely he would've known from the outset that if being sexist is wrong, being racist, Islamophobic and stereotypical about gays, blacks and Jews is also wrong. Then again, this _is_ Izzy we're talking about," she adds.

**Izzy –** "Hmm, Anne Maria makes some delicious blood," says Izzy, licking her lips.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

'Ezekiel' was now sleeping in Duncan's bed, since Harold refused to change beds. Speaking of which, Harold climbed out of bed and went up to Chef's bed. The lanky teen grabbed the cook's right shoulder and shook him awake. Chef turned to face Harold, scowling. Harold ignored him and said:

"Did you know that in the Spanish autonomous province of the Balearic Islands became the first jurisdiction in the world to grant legal rights to all species of the great apes in 2007?"

"I don't care, Harold!" Chef grunted.

"Did you know that in South Africa human bites are more likely to kill you than snakebites?"

"I suppose that's because there are a lot of people like you living in South Africa?!" Chef quipped.

"Did you know that you will become two inches taller in space due to the lack of gravity?"

"You can be two inches taller right now if you keep talking!" Chef threatened, slamming his right fist into his left palm.

"Jesus, Chef, I was only trying to extend some of my knowledge to you, GOSH!" Harold scowled.

"I don't need yer education!" Chef snapped.

"Yes you do!" Harold snapped back. "You need it even more than I originally expected know that I have learned of the shocking truth that you are ignorant of the fact that humans shouldn't be discriminating against other great apes! All apes should be treated equally, whether they're humans, gorillas or chimpanzees, among other species of great apes! Gosh, you're such an idiot, Chef!" Noah awoke just in time to see Chef grab Harold by the neck and fire him out the door. The bookworm smirked and said:

"Wow, Chef. You've outdone yourself."

"What do you mean, Turkey?!" Chef demanded.

"Anyone who throws Harold out of the cabin scores some points in my book," Noah replied. "In fact, your actions this morning have prompted me to forgive you for breaking my arm."

"Oh no you don't, I ain't taking yer side!" Chef snarled.

"Fine then," Noah deadpanned, "you're no longer forgiven, and we might just target you for elimination once Harold, Alejandro and Anne Maria are off the team."

"See if I give a fuck!" Chef snarled. "After all, this team ain't nothing without me!"

"Do tell," Noah sneered. He turned his head to Mike and Ezekiel, both of whom have woken up, and said: "Mike, Zoey, listen to this. Chef mentally thinks that our team is nothing without him. Let's hear what he has to say."

"Oh you'd better!" Chef scowled. "I prevented our team from coming in last during the first challenge when I dragged Courtney over to the finishing line! I scored us the first gold medal in the second challenge! And I also helped our team to win when Alejandro, Harold and I made it to the Blue Circle of Tens! What have y'all gotta say about that?!"

Noah was shocked. "Okay, you make a point," he admitted. "But why do you have to be so grumpy all the time?"

"I'm a forty-three-year-old man on an island surrounded by stuck-up teenagers because of Chris!" Chef scowled.

"Wait, you're forty-three?!" Mike wondered.

"Yeah, why?!"

"That means you were born in 1969 or 1970, right?"

"Yeah, so?!"

"You said you were in some war that involved jungles…"

"Yeah, it was a war between Canada and _**Brazil**_! It went on from 1988 to 1993! And even if I was old enough to serve in Vietnam, I still couldn't because Canada was never at war with Vietnam!"

"Oh, I thought there were some Canadian paramilitary forces helping the United States during the Vietnam War out of boredom or sadism, or something," Mike replied.

"Are you saying I was involved with some paramilitary group?!" Chef roared.

"You obviously were, because Brazil and Canada were never at war with one another," Noah deadpanned. "In fact, both countries appear to be on good terms with one another in areas outside of trade. Your involvement with that terrorist organisation could explain why Chris didn't have a challenge in Brazil for the third season."

Chef had had enough. "I bet I got less crap from the Brazilian army!" he muttered, marching out of the room in a sulk. Alejandro witnessed this and shook his head disapprovingly at Noah.

"I don't believe you, Noah," Alejandro lectured, waving his finger at Noah. "Sure, Chef was never in any war, but he's delusional and we need to be kind to him."

"Are you calling Chef mentally retarded?" Noah mused. "Wait 'til I tell Chef about you."

Mike burst out laughing. "Oh Noah, you're very funny!" he laughed.

Noah shrugged. "Huh, no wonder so many people like me even though I'm usually grumpy," he replied.

"Why are yoo grumpy, eh?" Ezekiel asked. "Is it cos yer a Muslim?"

"Yes, I'm grumpy because as a Muslim I can't drink alcohol and must pray five times a day," Noah deadpanned.

"So is that why so many Muslims are deranged?" Ezekiel asked.

Noah had had enough. He was beginning to think that Ezekiel wasn't acting racist because of some YouTube video. He climbed down from his bed, went up to Ezekiel, grabbed the prairie kid by the face and pulled at it, removing the mask in the process. Alejandro, Mike and Noah's jaws dropped in profound shock.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** "Holy shit!" Noah gasps, wide-eyed.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Mess Hall**

The contestants, bar Noah, Alejandro, Mike and 'Ezekiel', were choking on their breakfast. Chris walked into the canteen and smirked. "So, are you guys pumped for our next challenge?!" he asked.

"Where's Alejandro, Ezekiel, Mike and Noah?" Gwen wondered, raising her hand.

"Hey, if they want your team to lose, then that's their business," Chris replied, shrugging. All of a sudden, Alejandro, Mike and Nah escorted 'Ezekiel' into the mess hall. Everyone gave the four young men bewildered looks.

"Chris, as much as I love hearing your beautiful voice," Noah spat, "we have to show you something. It's very important."

"Well, not as important as my beautiful voice," Chris smirked, having missed Noah's sarcasm. "No sit down."

"But Ezekiel-"

"I SAID 'SIT DOWN'!"

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah – **Noah is seen glaring at the camera with his arms folded. "What a dick," he scowls.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

"Anyway, today's challenge will be go-karting!" Chris smirked. "The race will be held over a 50K track loaded with obstacles, booby traps and landmines! Each contestant must run the full lap three times, then they have crossed the finish line, similar to _Mario Kart_. First team to have all of their members cross the finish line will receive an award. Last team to have all their members cross the finish line will be sending someone home. You are allowed to crash into another contestant, but if this leads to them getting seriously injured or having to at least get eliminated from the challenge, that contestant automatically crosses the finish line. If you are from the same team as that contestant, then you must also start over again, so don't try anything funny. Questions?"

A forest of hands shot up.

"Okay, let's get to the circuit!" Chris smirked, ignoring everyone's raised hands, much to their anger.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Noah –** Noah is seen glaring at the camera with his arms folded. "Again, what a dick," he scowls.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Circuit Course**

The contestants were all sitting in their go-karts. The Team Red contestants had red go-karts decorated with flaming rocks, Team Green had green, camouflage go-karts and Team Blue had blue go-karts decorated with purple lightning.

"Okay! On your marks… get set… GO!" shrieked Chris through the megaphone. The contestants immediately floored it. Sixty seconds later, Heather rammed into Gwen, prompting Gwen to retaliate. Brick wouldn't stop ramming into Jo, getting on Jo's nerves. Dawn noticed this and called out to Brick:

"BRICK! STOP RAMMING ON TO JO! DON'T RAM INTO THE SAME PEOPLE ON OUR TEAM!"

"BUT SHE'S A BITCH1" Brick wailed.

"JUST STOP RAMMING INTO HER!"

"NEVER!" Brick rammed into Dawn, causing the moonchild's go-kart to crash into a wall.

"AND DAWN BECOMES THE FIRST RACER TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE!" Chris announced. "BRICK, YOU MUST START OVER!"

Brick scowled. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JO!" he bellowed.

Jo slowed down her vehicle and stopped it. "MY FAULT?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO INJURED DAWN!" she countered.

"YEAH?! WELL… YOU'RE A BITCH!" Brick roared, before bursting into tears and speeding back to the starting point.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Dawn –** "I know this is cruel of me, but Brick has got to go," Dawn sighs. "He is seriously deranged. If we don't vote him out the next opportunity we get, he will be degenerated beyond the point of no return. Surely we don't need a relapse of _Total Drama Action_, right?"

**Jo –** "It's official," Jo groans, "Brick is a retard."

**Harold –** "I bet some of you have been wondering how Chris has managed to construct a circuit course that is fifty kilometres in length and still haven more than enough space left to host other challenges and get lost in the woods when we are legally restricted to a third of the island," Harold wonders. "IDIOTS! The answer is quite simple! Not only is the island big enough for the author's unreasonable and illogical convenience, we are also currently in a fan fiction-based universe that is based off of an animated cartoon! You guys are such idiots! Curse your intolerable idiocy! GOSH!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Half an hour after the race commenced, Izzy became the first racer to cross the finish line. It came as no surprise to anyone else. Izzy knocked over several obstacles, took advantage of explosions caused by the landmines she drove over and set off to further her progress in the race, destroyed several booby-traps and ran over several interns. The contestants that came in second, third, fourth and fifth were Chef, Eva, Jo and Geoff, respectively.

Scott, remembering how Zoey got him maimed in the previous season, rammed into her go-kart in a way that her go-kart will end up being destroyed while the driver will remain unharmed. This infuriated Zoey as Scott jeered at her.

"HA! TAKE THAT YOU BITCH!" he hollered.

Zoey twitched and unleashed a blood-curdling roar. She proceeded to put the parts of her go-kart together, back to what it once was before Scott hit her. The interns were too scared to help her because they knew at this point Zoey has become…

…_**COMMANDO ZOEY!**_

Meanwhile, closer to the finish line, Lightning was very close to coming in at 6th place… or technically at 8th place, because Brick got Dawn injured and Commando Zoey, in retaliation against Scott, rammed into Scott, prompting Scott to ram into Noah, breaking the bookworm's left leg in the process. A horrible sight met Lightning's eyes when he noticed that Izzy, Chef, Eva, Jo and Geoff had already crossed the finish line, and what shocked him even more were that three of them were girls… although Lightning mistook Eva for a boy and Geoff for a girl, even though it's easy to see that Geoff's got no boobs… at least Lightning was now aware that Jo is a girl. Lightning was only a few inches away from the line, when all of a sudden…

…**COMMANDO ZOEEY!**

Zoey crossed the finish line before Lightning, rendering her in 6th/8th place.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Lightning -** Lightning is bawling and roaring from losing to Zoey and five/seven other people. "Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Sha-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" wails Lightning.

**Noah –** "Should I be pissed that in addition to having a broken right arm I now have a broken left leg?" Noah questions. "Obviously. I will no longer be able to sleep in my bed, or any of the top bunks. I refuse to trade beds with 'Ezekiel' and I especially refuse to trade beds with Harold." Noah shudders at the thought of sleeping in a bed that was once used by Harold. "So that means I will probably have to trade beds with Chef, which also means I'm going to have to apologise to him for mocking him about being a terrorist. Obviously, I don't want to apologise for speaking the truth, but I have no choice. If it doesn't work, I'll also tell him that I understand why he broke my right arm, which technically isn't a lie, since Chef being a psychopath was the sole reason for him breaking my arm, but I'm not going to tell him this. On the bright side, it has taken less time than I expected to cross the finish line thanks to Zoey. I'm just going to blame Scott for my injuries, since he did nothing to control his vehicle after Zoey rammed into him.

**Scott –** Scott is cursing and swearing about Zoey and praying that she dies in the most unpleasant way possible. The words and obscenities he utters are too inappropriate, even for an M-rated fic.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

By the first hour of the race, twenty-one contestants have reached the finish line, including five contestants that were injured by their rivals. B came in tenth, followed closely by Gwen, Mike and Bridgette. Within a few minutes after Bridgette crossed the finish line, Cameron got injured when Lindsay accidentally crashed into him, landing him in 14th place. Alejandro reached the finish line, followed by Sadie getting injured when Lindsay crashed into her. Katie, in retaliation, rammed into Lindsay before remembering that it was counterproductive when Lindsay got injured. Plus, Katie's go-kart got caught in mud, so the interns had to free her. Cody, followed by LeShawna, Harold and Sierra, reached the finish line.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Cameron –** Cameron is sitting in bandages. "I'm never going on a go-kart again," Cameron deadpans.

**Katie & Sadie –** "I probably shouldn't have done that to Lindsay," Katie sheepishly giggles. "Don't worry about it," Sadie, who is now in bandages, assures her best friend, "Lindsay will get healed and Tyler will forgive you since your attack helped Lindsay to pass." Katie beams. "Aw, thank you so much!" she squeals, hugging Sadie.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

'Ezekiel' was the 22nd to cross the finish line, but he failed to cross without sustaining any injuries or damaging his mask. Surprisingly, DJ crossed the finish line completely unharmed. Scott eventually reached the finish line, followed closely by Beth and a frustrated Heather. All three were covered in mud, oil and bruises.

The scoreboard for the racers that have crossed the finish line so far were as follows:

1st: Dawn

2nd: Izzy

3rd: Chef Hatchet

4th: Jo

5th: Eva

6th: Geoff

7th: Noah

8th: Zoey

9th: Lightning

10th: B

11th: Gwen

12th: Mike

13th: Bridgette

14th: Cameron

15th: Alejandro

16th: Sadie

17th: Lindsay

18th: Cody

19th: LeShawna

20th: Harold

21st: Sierra

22nd: 'Ezekiel'

23rd: DJ

24th: Scott

25th: Beth

26th: Heather

All eyes were fixed on the remaining five racers that have not reached the finish line. Anne Maria was taking her time, not wanting to get mud, oil or blood on her hair or body. She wasn't so concerned about getting injured, but she still didn't want to get injured. Some of the Team Blue spectators, especially Noah, Chef and Zoey (who was still in Commando Zoey mode), were shouting at Anne Maria to get a move on because she was the only member of Team Blue who still had yet to cross the finish line.

Justin was moving at the same pace as Anne Maria, and for the same reasons as well. Blaineley ran into obstacle after obstacle because she was extremely frustrated with running into obstacles, prompting her to say every single curse word that she knew. Katie and Brick were also struggling, but Katie was blinded by regret for hurting Lindsay while Brick was too busy screaming and crying to notice what he was doing.

All of a sudden, an idea came to Mike.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Mike –** "I know what I did was not exactly something to be proud of, but I had no choice," Mike explains. "It was either that, or Alejandro's alliance picking off another one of us. Yes, there are only four in Alejandro's alliance, while there are eight of us against him, but yesterday there were nine of us against him and he still managed to get Duncan out. I don't like the odds. So that's why I did what I did."

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

Mike climbed up to the top of a tree that was just behind the finish line. When he got to the top, Mike took off his shirt and became Vito. Vito smirked evilly and got out a megaphone from his pocket. He put the megaphone to his mouth and barked:

"AYO, ANNE MARIA! YOU ARE A BITCH WHO LIKES _JOISEY SHOH_! SERIUSLY, WOT KINDA IDIOT LIKES _JOISEY SHOH_?!"

Anne Maria was livid. Prior to Vito's outburst, Anne Maria hated him enough for choosing Zoey over her. Now, she was even more furious to find out that he doesn't like _Jersey Shore_.

"OH! NU! NU! NU! NU! YOU DID NOT JUST DISS _JOISEY SHOH_!" she bellowed, hitting the gas and speeding off towards the finish line, not to win for her team, but to beat the shit out of Vito. Anne Maria was so angry and focused on how she would beat up Mike she was unaware that she had just rammed into Justin, causing his go-kart to crash and injuring the model in the process. This gave Brick an idea, however, when he stopped crying and saw what Anne Maria did. He rammed into Katie, forcing the cadet to restart the race… AGAIN. Blaineley saw what was up with Anne Maria and floored it in an effort to get to the finish line before the _Jersey Shore_ reject. However, Brick ignored Chris's orders and rammed into Anne Maria and then into the Blaineley, injuring the two of them, effectively bringing the race to an end.

"AND TEAM BLUE WINS!" Chris announced. "TEAM GREEN, YOU GUYS ARE SENDING SOMEONE HOME!"

"WHAT?!" shrieked Jo. She marched up to Brick. "Brick, what is wrong with you?!"

"YOU'RE A MEANIE AND A POOPIE FACE!" wailed Brick.

"Look Brick, I'm sorry for taking the bullying too far!" Jo admitted. "Fuck it, I'm sorry for bullying you at all! But did it ever occur to you that ramming into other racers' go-karts will get you nowhere?!"

"All that ever occurred to me is that you're a stupid c***, so there!" wailed Brick, running off screaming and crying.

"That is one of the reasons why I bullied him in the first place," Jo grunted, rolling her eyes.

"Team Blue!" Chris barked. "Your reward is… THE REAL, EZEKIEL!"

"WHAT?!" shrieked everyone except Alejandro, Izzy, Mike and Noah in unison.

"I knew it," deadpanned Alejandro, Izzy, Mike and Noah in unison.

"That's right, eh!" Ezekiel huffed, walking onscreen. "I am the real Zeke! That prick yer seeing is not me, eh! He's…" Ezekiel went up to the imposter and ripped of the mask, revealing…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"…BRADY, eh!"

"BRADY?!" shrieked Beth. "How… how could you?!"

"I was sick and tired of you being away from me!" Brady growled. "How could you spend more time with them than with me?! Is it not punishment enough that you ignore me for eight hours every night?!"

"I do that to get some sleep!" Beth scolded. "You know I love you, but that doesn't give you a reason to be so possessive or clingy! I should've known you were a male version of the _Overly Attached Girlfriend_ when you begged me to get a restraining order on my dad because you thought he was a 'stud', hacked into my Facebook account to block my dad and tried to run over my dad with your car! Don't you get it?! I would never have sex with my father, never!"

"You don't sound so sure, do you?!" snarled Brady. "I love you so much, I just can't stand the thought of you being around other men! So to make sure that I would never be away from you again, I disguised myself up as Ezekiel and got a place on _Total Drama: Island Renewed_!"

"But not everything is accounted for," Bridgette chimed in. "Why were you making these racist, Islamophobic and stereotypical comments?"

"To destroy his reputation!" Brady beamed.

"Why? What has Ezekiel ever done to you?" Gwen demanded.

"I went up on Fan Fiction Net a couple of months ago and I came across a really awesome fan fic!" Brady explained, turning his back to everyone else for added emphasis. "It was so awesome I added it to my list of favourite stories and I added the author to my list of favourite authors. I even subscribed to the story and the author. But my entire perception of the fic and the author changed drastically after reading the chapter where Ezekiel tells Beth that he has a pet pig and that he would buy the pig accessories she was advertising! THAT SEXIST PIG WAS BONDING WITH MY BETHY-POO!"

"_**BETHY-POO**_?!" Sierra shrieked, cringing. "Okay, that was just borderline disturbing, and this is coming from me, a stalker, and who used to be just like the _Overly Attached Girlfriend_."

"Yeah, he's been calling me that a lot lately," Beth admitted. "It was kinda cute at first, but now it's just… wrong. This is why I stopped bragging about him in _Total Drama: World Tour_."

"SEE?! SEE?! That's another reason why I came here!" screamed Brady.

"Hey, I was paired with Beth by fans more often than Ezekiel!" Cody interjected. "You had no reason to do that to Ezekiel!"

"Actually I did!" Brady smiled evilly. "Furthermore, I knew that Beth kissed you before she kissed me, so I paid Chris fifteen thousand dollars to pick Sierra over that girl who's an obsessive fan of Trent to teach you a lesson!"

"Well, at least Trent and Gwen were spared from the misery," LeShawna shrugged. "That's **one** redeeming quality for Brady, that's for sure." Brady marched up to Sierra and scowled.

"You were supposed to fuck Cody up, you bitch!" he snarled, only to get punched in the eye by Sierra.

"I didn't know that, dickhead!" Sierra snarled back. "And I refuse!"

"BETH!" begged Brady, sobbing. "HELP ME!"

"NO!" snapped Beth.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Brady.

"I SAID NO!" screamed Beth. "I knew you were trouble. The only reason I dated you was so I could have a boyfriend, but you weren't worth it! You put my father's life in danger, and on top of that, you tried to run over a few guys I used to have crushes on! I can't date a man like that! I won't! You and I are done!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" howled Brady. He whipped out a bazooka and aimed it at Beth. "IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, **NO ONE** CAN!" he cackled, manically. He pulled the trigger.

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

Everyone stood around a large crater in the ground in awe and wonder.

At the centre of the crater laid Brady. He was severely scorched all over, yet he was somehow still alive.

"Ow," Brady muttered.

"We'll have him airlifted to hospital by the RCMP in no time!" Chris chirped, obviously unfazed by the recent events. "Any-who, Team Green, you have an hour to decide who you're going to vote off. Ezekiel, you are now a member of Team Blue, for real. You might want to get re-acquainted with your new teammates," he added.

"Yeah, yeah," Ezekiel grunted. "I know prejudice is wrong, eh!" He went up to Team Blue and asked: "So, were there any other people on our team, eh?"

"Yes there were," said Mike, who reclaimed control over his body. "Duncan was eliminated yesterday for voting off one of the immune contestants and there's an alliance in our team that hated him. Don't worry, he's sound now. We also had Courtney, but on the second day, her conscience finally caught up with her and she quit the game, which is why… he's on our team now." Mike shuddered.

"Who replaced her, eh?" asked Ezekiel.

"THE BEDS ARE NOT FOLDED PROPERLY, GOSH!" Harold scolded, standing on the porch of Team Blue's cabin.

"HOLY SHIT, EH?!" Ezekiel shrieked, jumping into Mike's arms in complete and utter horror.

* * *

**Infirmary**

Anne Maria, Blaineley, Cameron, Dawn, Justin, Katie, Lindsay, Noah and Sadie were receiving treatment for their injuries by the interns.

"Omigosh, I'm so sorry for ramming into you, Lindsay!" Katie apologised.

"It's okay, Kathy," Lindsay beamed. "I won for my team, so Tyler will be happy for me!"

"EEEEEEEE! Omigosh, thank you, Lindsay!" Katie chirped. Katie, Sadie and Lindsay squealed in unison.

"'Eeeeeee', congratulations, I'm happy for your three-way," Noah sneered. Lindsay, Katie and Sadie ignored him and they continued to squeal in unison.

"Ah, shuddup Noah!" Anne Maria snapped.

"Oh, so you're taking Vito's rejection very well, it seems," Noah spat.

"Okay everyone, that's enough fighting for now," Dawn ushered.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Blaineley chanted. Dawn glared at her. "What?!" Blaineley demanded. "It's boring in here. So boring, in fact, that Noah probably had to get up and leave the infirmary to witness the real Ezekiel's return and Brady getting severely injured."

Noah gave the former TV star perplexed looks. "How did you know that?!" he demanded, jaw-droopingly.

Blaineley rolled her eyes. "Hello?! Author's convenience?!" she sneered.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Right. Why am I not surprised?" He turned his head to look at Justin, who was bawling and roaring. "Can I help you?" Noah demanded.

"No," sobbed Justin. "No one can help me. I'M UUUUUUGGGGGGLLLLLLYYYYYY!" he wailed. His eyes become bloodshot. He glared daggers at Anne Maria. "This is all your fault, you little Jersey bitch!" the model snarled.

"Oh! Nu! Nu! Nu! Nu! You did not just diss Anne Maria!" Anne Maria growled, getting off her bed and marching towards Justin to beat him up.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" roared Ms Scratcher, standing at the doorway with steam coming out of her ears and her fingers spaced apart right in front of her face.

"Oh why don't **you** sit down and shut up!" Blaineley huffed.

"MILDRED! I WILL GIVE EVERYONE IN THIS INFIRMARY A TEN PAGE WRITE-OUT IF YOU EVER GIVE ME CHEEK AGAIN!" Ms Scratcher bellowed before leaving the infirmary.

"Like I'm going to do it," Blaineley scowled.

"I don't know Blaineley," Cameron cautioned, "she's very scary."

"Or maybe you're just scared," Blaineley replied, dismissing Cameron's warnings. A minute later, Zoey showed up.

"So who won?" Blaineley asked.

"Team Blue," Zoey replied, rolling her eyes. "You know that. Author's convenience, remember?"

"Wait, does that mean we lost?" Cameron asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," sighed Zoey.

"So what are ya here for, Red?!" Anne Maria demanded.

"To see how everyone was doing," Zoey lied. "Okay, I just came here to rub it in your face, Blaineley's face and Justin's face that you got injured."

"That's cos o' yer stupid boyfriend!" growled Anne Maria. "And tell that Ezekiel kid he's gonna get it! Home-school gave a fake diamond!"

"Well you shouldn't have accepted it then," Noah deadpanned, not looking up from his book. Within a minute, Zoey had to constrain Anne Maria from getting anywhere near Noah.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Anne Maria –** "Next chance we get, we're gunnin' for Noah!" Anne Maria scowls.

**Justin –** "Oh Anne Maria, you have just messed with the wrong handsome young man!" Justin snarls.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Green – Back of Cabins**

"So who do we vote for now?" Cody asked.

"I was going to suggest Brick," Jo admitted, "but it just doesn't feel right voting him off."

"He is deranged, but I can see your point," Sierra admitted. "But hardly anyone else on our team deserves to go home."

"Actually, I have an idea," Beth said. She whispered her idea whilst huddled up with Jo, Sierra, Cody, Geoff and DJ.

"Are you sure about this?" DJ asked.

"Positive," Beth smiled.

"Well, whatever you say then," Jo smiled.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**Jo – **"Despite her run on Total Drama Action, I can't help but admire Beth as a martyr!" she smiles.

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Campfire Pit**

Team Green sat by the campfire pit. Everyone was glaring at Brick. Brick was glaring at Jo.

"Racers, I have only ten marshmallows on my plate," Chris barked. "Whoever does not receive a marshmallow will be flung over to Playa des Losers. The first eight marshmallows go to those who got no votes: Geoff… Cody… Sadie… DJ… Cameron… Dawn… Sierra and… Katie!" Jo, Brick and Beth were the only ones without votes.

"Jo! You tormented Brick. Beth! Your actions in _Total Drama Action_ were so forced, it felt like you were being shoved down the viewers' throats. And Brick! Well… let's just say that ramming into racers who were on the same as you was just not very honourable of you. The penultimate marshmallow goes to…

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"…Jo!" Jo sighed in relief as she caught her marshmallow.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Brick.

"Settle down, Brick," Chris commanded. "The final marshmallow of the evening goes to…

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"…Brick!" Beth shocked Chris when she smiled.

"Oh well," she said, "I look forward to going to Playa des Losers."

"HA!" Brick jeered. "That means you've lost!"

"Beats being shoved down the viewers' throats, or being a dickhead like you!" Beth jeered back.

"Yeah?! Well you're a… you're a… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" wailed Brick, running off to his cabin to throw his tantrum.

"I honestly can't believe you just did that," said Cameron in awe.

"Me neither, but I still felt that Brick should calm down before going home," said Beth. "I don't think anyone else deserves to go yet either. Besides, I do not like my performance in _Total Drama Action_, and now that I've already had a plotline after breaking up with Brady for almost fucking up Ezekiel, no matter how short my storyline was, I feel like I've made a big enough impact for _Total Drama: Island Renewed_. I'm satisfied that my work here is done."

"Well good for you, Beth," Geoff smiled.

"Yeah, you kicked butt," Jo congratulated her.

"You really think so?" Beth beamed.

"Definitely," Jo smiled, fist-bumping with Beth.

"Beth, the Hurl of Shame awaits," said Chris.

"Okay, just let me say my goodbyes first," said Beth, as most of the contestants from Team Red and Team Blue showed up.

While Beth said her goodbyes, the RCMP showed up to take Brady away. Unbeknownst to them, Izzy snuck into the helicopter.

"I want to thank all of you for such a wonderful and awesome season!" Beth beamed. "I will be cheering you guys on!"

"See you, Beth!" Lindsay beamed, hugging Beth.

"Aw, Lindsay, you remember my name?" Beth beamed.

"Of course I do, silly, you're Beth!" Lindsay beamed.

"Aw!" said everyone except Alejandro, Anne Maria, Blaineley, Brick, Chef, Chris, Eva, Heather, Izzy, Justin, Lightning, Noah and Scott. With one last goodbye, Beth hopped into the Hurl of Shame where she was flung off to Playa des Losers.

Suddenly, the sound of mad cackling occurs. The remaining contestants looked up into the sky to see Izzy parachuting out of the same helicopter that took Brady away.

"What happened?" asked Ezekiel.

"Izzy snuck onto the helicopter where Izzy shagged the policemen and paramedics as well as Brady's unconscious body!" Izzy chirped.

"Why am I not surprised?" Noah sarcastically wondered.

* * *

**Playa des Losers**

Beth arrived at Playa des Losers. She saw Owen using a machine he built to duplicate food, Duncan and Tyler having an arm-wrestling match, Dakota and Sam making out and Courtney chatting with Staci. Trent was the first to greet Beth. He ran up to her and hugged her tightly.

"BETH! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE NINTH PERSON ELIMINATED!" Trent cheered.

"Um… thanks, I guess?" was all Beth could respond with.

"You are going to make a perfect second profit for the Number Nine Religion!" Trent beamed. Courtney intervened by grabbing a glass of water and splashing the contents onto Trent. Trent immediately realised what had just happened.

"Uh… sorry about that, heh-heh," Trent chuckled, sheepishly.

* * *

**Woods**

Brick and the figure in the Batman mask were sitting up high in an oak tree deep in the woods. There was a branch in the tree that properly concealed the two. However, there was only room for one person on the tree, so Brick had to sit on the figure in the Batman mask's lap. The figure in the Batman mask didn't mind because it gave him a feeling of having authority over Brick. Brick didn't mind because the figure in the Batman mask's lap was very comfy. They spent the first few minutes in that position looking out onto the horizon while the figure in the Batman mask held Brick at the waist to prevent the cadet from slipping.

"Brick, I am most certainly displeased with you," the figure in the Batman mask finally spoke.

"Why?" Brick asked, curiously. "I didn't fart. I swear."

"No, not that, though I'm glad you didn't," the figure in the Batman mask rolled his eyes. Brick farted all of a sudden, prompting the figure in the Batman mask to gag. "Brick, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed that you just ruined this sentimental moment that we were having together by pulling out an Owen. But I am definitely pissed off that you disobeyed me."

"I threw the challenge, didn't I?" Brick insisted.

"Yes, and I appreciate it, Brick," the figure in the Batman mask replied. He removed his hand from Brick's waist to wave away the odour. "To be quite honest, throwing a tantrum and nearly getting your teammates killed was not exactly what I had in mind. All you really had to do was deliberately drive into obstacles and make it look like an accident so people wouldn't have another reason to hate you. Well, you've managed to throw the challenge anyway, and avoid elimination. Plus, we got one of Jo's allies eliminated. That is the reason why I'm angry with you, Brick. You were supposed to vote out Beth, **not** Jo!"

"But Jo was being mean to me!" Brick whined.

"I don't care," the figure in the Batman mask hissed, "If you want to get back at someone, you'll have to wait for the right moment to strike. And you, for a cadet young man, have a very poor sense of timing. Your patience is virtually non-existent as well. From now on, you'll do exactly everything I say, **when** I say it. You got it, Brick?!"

"Yes, sir," Brick nobly replied, doing the soldier's salute. Because Brick was facing away from the figure in the Batman mask, the figure in the Batman mask didn't see the salute properly. But alas, the figure in the Batman mask nodded his head.

"Good lad," said the figure in the Batman mask, patting the cadet in the head. Brick smiled and nestled his head under the figure in the Batman mask's bearded chin. The figure in the Batman mask rolls his eyes at this.

* * *

**(Video Diaries)**

**The figure in the Batman mask –** "HA! Like I give a shit about Brick!" the figure in the Batman mask snickers. "I'm only in it to get ahead in the game and, **of course**, get my revenge on **all** of the idiots that I used to compete with! Those fucking bastards are going down! Oh, and not only is Brick a lunatic, he's fucking pathetic and strange. While he was sitting on my lap I felt something much bumpier than his butt-cheeks. I sure hope he didn't crap in his pants, though considering his behaviour this season, I shouldn't be surprised if he actually did take a shit in his pants.

**Izzy –** "Izzy saw Brick in the laundry room doing the laundry and Izzy saw a poo in Brick's briefs!" Izzy chirps, licking her lips. "It was delicious!"

**(End of Video Diaries)**

* * *

**Team Blue – Male Cabin**

The members were sleeping in their normal beds, except that Noah was in the bed the fake Ezekiel used to sleep in, while the real Ezekiel was in the bed Noah used to sleep in. Harold was playing his Nintendo3DS. Alejandro was smiling evilly while he looked through his evil plans and pictures of rabbits in his scrap book, entitled: _Evil Plans and Pictures of Bunny Rabbits_. Chef was scanning through his 'war' journal. Noah was reading a book with a bored expression on his face. Ezekiel and Mike were having a quite conversation.

"So Zeke, how did you heel from your wounds?" Mike asked.

"After the RCMP captured me I received loots of medical attention, eh," Ezekiel replied. "I was all fixed up three months ago. The doctors said if I wasn't discovered on time, I would've died, eh."

"Well you're fine now," said Mike. "Feel free not to answer this, but how do you feel about Brady almost damaging your rep?"

"I'm not too happy 'boot that, eh," said Ezekiel. "If Chris edits the show in a way that I was here all along, I'll sue him. My family's already planning on suing him for me injuries."

"How did you end up here eventually?" Noah asked.

"I find out there was a _Total Drama: Island Renewed_ after seeing the first episode on TV," Ezekiel explained. "I knew that couldn't have been me cos I didn't get any notice 'boot the show. So I rang Chris up to give him a piece of my mind. He was surprised I was still at home, and on condition that my family doesn't sue him for my emotional and physical damages, he'd find a way to get me on the show. He told me he sent a notice out to me, so that Brady bastard must've stolen it while it was being delivered to me, eh."

"I think you should've just settled for suing Chris," Noah smirked.

"My contract didn't mention about me not being able to sue to show for damages, eh," Ezekiel smirked. "I'll reframe if Chris doesn't edit the show in a way to make me look bad as he did with Gwen, DJ, Sierra and LeShawna, eh. If he makes anyone look a lot worse than they are or focus all of the final cut on him, he'll regret acceptin' my application for the very first season, eh!" Ezekiel slammed a fist into his palm. Noah and Mike smirked.

"Welcome to Team Blue, Zeke," said Mike.

"Hey, while you guys are up, do you wanna talk about how great the Xbox One is in contrast to the PlayStation 4?" Harold asked.

"No, we're going to bed," Noah quickly replied. "'night!" Noah, Mike and Ezekiel laid down on their beds. As Ezekiel sank into the bed sheets and pillow, the same phrase he's been thinking about over and over since his recovery from his feral state replayed continuously in his head:

_Chris must go down! Chris must go down!_

* * *

**Ezekiel's back! What do you guys think about that now? Oh, and what do you think about my portrayal of Brady? I just enjoyed the Clingy Girlfriend/Overly Attached Girlfriend so much, I just had to throw in a reference there. I has also made a reference to the war between the Xbox One and the PS4. I take it the war ain't gonna last much longer. I just had to throw that reference in there as well, because I've witnessed a lot of debate about the two consoles on Facebook and the Xbox One was revealed very recently.**

**What do you think about Brady's motives for his actions? Do they remind you of anything? In fact, did any of you expect the imposter to be Brady? If not, who did you suspect the imposter was?**

**Sorry to all you Beth fans out there. I just couldn't find a way to develop her character beyond the point of ending her relationship with Brady. I didn't want her development to be forced, like it was in **_**Total Drama Action**_**. The whole thing with Brady was enough of an impact for Beth to make for the story anyway… well as far I'm concerned, at least. We'll definitely see her again as Playa des Losers gets more crowded.**

**VOTING RESULTS:**

**Beth – Beth**

**Brick – Jo**

**Cameron – Brick**

**Cody – Beth**

**Dawn – Brick**

**DJ – Beth**

**Geoff – Beth**

**Jo – Beth**

**Katie – Brick**

**Sadie – Brick**

**Sierra – Beth**

**BETH: 6**

**BRICK: 4**

**JO: 1**

**ELIMINATED: Staci, Courtney, Trent, Owen, Dakota, Sam, Tyler, Duncan and Beth.**

**PEOPLE IZZY SHAGGED: Blaineley, Justin, Scott, Harold, Noah, Chef, Brick, Lindsay, Trent, Anne Maria, Brady and a few RCMP cops and paramedics.**

**CONTESTANTS THAT HAVE KILLED AN INTERN: Courtney, Izzy, Trent, Brick, Owen and Eva.**

**I'm not exactly sure if the **_**CONTESTANTS THAT HAVE KILLED AN INTERN**_** list is complete. If I have left out any other characters, let me know in your reviews. Helmet 798, you're a genius!**

**So now you've got a hint about who the figure in the Batman mask is. Did it help? We're very close to revealing who the figure in the Batman mask is, I'm so excited as well. Even if you all get it right, the next few chapters will be loaded with surprises. In fact, who was Brady actually on the phone to two chapters ago?! It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you guys now, would it?**

**In relation to the poll, it seems like Harold, Noah and Trent are tied for the most votes. If you don't like the idea of Courtney being paired with one of them, two of them or either of them, but you haven't voted yet, the poll is still open.**

**Next chapter will be the tenth chapter in the story, but will involve the ninth day on the island. Oh dear! Poor Trent, *evil laugh*! The chapter won't be up until about early next month. I plan to update the rest of my projects.**

**Until next time!**


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